I wonder about things like the average age of all of us here; How many of us were raised by dads/people with this humor? How many are dads themselves? Grandpas or brand new fathers? Everyone is welcome, of course! I love the community here & thought this might be interesting.
So Alaska question
I’m still furious about it.
He said his friends call him Smalls.
"It's because..." said the employee "my doctor always asks if I'm eating well balanced meals."
I'll tell you tomorrow.
curiosity killed the cat
The grave diggers pulled out Beethoven’s casket, and heard the slightest <squeaksqueaksqueak> sound coming from inside. Curious they popped open the casket and saw Beethoven with a folio of his music, methodically erasing everything on the page.
The gravedigger says, “Maestro, what are you doing?”
Beethoven says, “Isn’t it obvious? I’m decomposing.”
After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"
An Investi-gator.
And call it the LGBTQ&A+ Panel
why I oughta?
I guess I'll have to hide it somewhere else now.
“I wonder” Woman
Is a whys man.
A patient
That's because curious people are lifelong learners.
Learners are also known as pupils.
And pupils dilate.
ASCII
Turns out I’m “bye curious”.
and come across a cage with two baguettes in it, they look curiously at the two baguettes and the man says, well at least they are safely bread in captivity.
Y.
But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.
Seizing this as a moral teaching moment she tells her daughter this little white lie, "Well young lady, when a daughter does something naughty, one of her mother's hairs turns grey."
After several moments of deep thought her daughter says to her mother, "So, mommy is that why all of grandma's hair is grey????"
I’m Ma’am All.
The police could only give me a cetacean.
Before boarding the plane, he threw some salt off the flight bridge
After they landed, he tossed some paprika
On the next leg, some nutmeg and a pinch of cumin.
The flight crew saw the combination, there was only one conclusion they could make...
He was a seasoned traveler
Maine of course
It never gets old.
so I asked the model to pose me a question.
A little kid at school opens a violin case and there is a big gun inside. The little kid says: "I'm curious what is my father going to do in the bank with my violin..."
We were driving past some empty feilds that were recently subdivided for residential houses. I was curious so I looked up online how much they were going for. Each individual plot was going for $90k. When I told her, she said, " well that's a lot". I just stared at her until she realized what she just said without realizing.
Their, their.
Because they inquire.
A guy sees a sign in front of a house:
"Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "'Cause he's fucking liar. He didn't do any of that shit."
Axolotl questions
They fear social distancing measures will push someone over the edge.
But alas he is only a mere cat"
A friend of mine has this great idea for a small business selling collectables, so he goes into a bank and walks up to the teller.
He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan for a small business venture."
Patty looks in disbelief as she realizes this voice is coming from a dog. But being professional she clears her throat and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The dog says $500,000. And proceeds to fill out the loan paperwork.
Patty, the teller, reviews the paperwork and notices his name and is a little star struck as it reads: Buddy Mick Jagger. Feeling embarrassed, but curious, Patty asks if there is any relation to THE Mick Jagger?
The dog sighs and says, yes, Mick is his father, adopted, but his father nonetheless.
Patty explains that $500,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need something to act to secure such a large loan.
The dog says, "Yes ma'am. I have several sets of these" and shows her a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly shaped. He then produces more and more of these small porcelain animals all hand crafted and painted various colors. While trying to explain these collectables are what he hopes to sell Patty becomes very confused and thinks up a quick excuse:
"Well, for such a large loan and unusual collateral I will have to consult the branch manager."
Ms Whack finds the manager and says "There's a talking dog named Buddy Mick Jagger out here who claims to be a relation to Mick Jagger and wants a loan for $500,000. And as collateral he wants to use this?" She then holds up the small porcelain elephant. "I mean, what even is this? Is it valuable?"
The bank manager stands up, blinks a few times, looks her straight in the eye with a large smile and says: "Oh! That's a knick knack, Patty Whack. Give the dog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone!"
(My grandpa would tell this joke at family gatherings to all of us grandkids, we would only ever get small parts of it at a time, but the rest of the adults would always groan at the end. Wasn't till many years later I realized this was a pretty common long haul joke! Still a good memory, hopefully it have you a chuckle!)
I told him, “Turn right at the next corner.”
Never gets old.
Never gets old.
