My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border?
Me neither, I couldn't follow it.
Whar did the chicken say when he crossed the road?
I don't know, I couldn't hear him.
Me: Just crossed into Oklahoma. Be there soon.
My Dad: I would say OK! but...
(An actual text from my Dad bless him)
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an octopus?
Enough drumsticks for everybody.
What was the last thing the crossed Goliath’s mind before he died
What do you call a citrus fruit when it has been crossed with a cat?
I crossed the Mexican borders once
Unos, i might cross it again
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
Two tomatoes crossed the street. One got squashed by a car, the other one passed it and said:
Why was the teacher crossed eyed?
Because they couldn't control their pupils.
Another why the chicken crossed the road
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Friend: Why?
Me: To visit the town idiot.
A few minutes later...
Me: Knock, Knock.
Friend: Who’s there?
Me: The Chicken
You moan now but I suspect you are already planning to use this one.
Sick eagle crossed the border without a passport
What do you call an elephant crossed with a rhinoceros?
My wife and I have problems understanding each other and always get wires crossed.
But I love it when the sparks fly.
Why did teacher with crossed eyes get fired?
Because he couldn't control his pupils
Do you know why the goat crossed the road?
The chicken was on strike.
My dad just told me this. No one laughed, and he was like, “you get it?”
I drove from Spain to France. A lot of ants were in the car when we crossed the border. Are they immigr-ants?
One day I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar.....
Then I realised my whole life was a joke.
What did the ballon say when it crossed the road?
"I gotta be careful not to touch any broken glassssssssssssssssss..."
What happened when the toilet paper crossed the road?
It got stuck in the cracks.
What did the two maple trees get in trouble for when they crossed onto a farmer’s land?
Now that we’ve discussed “why the chicken has crossed the road”, what does it look like?
There were 3 Mexicans. They crossed a bridge and there were only 2, why?
Because there was no Tres-passing
Was toasting a hot crossed bun and the power tripped, turned out a raisin had shorted against the toaster element
Must have been a fault currant
Jesus must have been pretty crossed with Judus
Crossed, cross... get it? No? God damn it. This is original, made up by me.
A donut, cupcake, and a ice cream cone crossed the road...
The streets were oddly desserted that night.
What do you call a joke crossed with a rhetorical question?
Every year my town has a 4th of July track meet during the day, and any age can compete. My geologist dad, heavy set and not ready to compete, entered the mile and obviously did poorly, but he crossed the finish line, gave me a shit-eating grin and said:
"......gneiss guys finish last."
What do you call a person who has crossed the ocean twice, but didn’t shower either way?
Why did the bee fly with its legs crossed?
It was looking for the BP station.
A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond
'What's your name?' Asked the chicken, 'Bond, James Bond. Whats yours?', 'Ken, Chick Ken.
If you crossed Lassie with a cantaloupe
would you have melancholy babies?
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What do you call a turtle crossed with a porcupine?
A sick eagle crossed the border without a passport
Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar
Yesterday, I crossed the road, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar.
My life is turning into a joke
Today, I crossed the street, changed a light bulb, and walked into a bar.
Yesterday, I crossed a road, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar.
My life is turning into a joke.
Yesterday, I crossed a road, changed a light bulb and walked into a bar.
My life is turning into a joke.
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road
but it was poultry in motion.
I changed a lightbulb, crossed the road and walked into a bar…
Why was the teacher's eyes crossed?
She was unable to control her pupils
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