...guess that makes me pansectional
Painful, because they can't c.
It's really Phillysofacal.
Me: I wouldn't think a couch minds many things.
Her: Nah, they're pretty chill.
Me: Yeah. Unless you take off the cushions. That just makes them uncomfortable.
Fries
One is a cat loaf and the other is a cattle oaf.
He decides he wants to spice up his day and call his dealer. He asks his dealer, "hey, do you have anything new I haven't tried?" His dealer responds, "I just got some new weed named after old cartoon characters! It's some potent stuff!" The guy accepts this and meets up with the dealer. When he gets back home, he goes to roll a joint and finds that it just doesn't want to stay rolled and keeps coming apart. Frustrated, he calls the dealer back. "This shit just won't stay rolled! What did you sell me?" The dealer responds, "that's just how the scooby doobie do!"
And one of our kittens (7mo/f) starts nosing her away aggressively around our feet.
15/f daughter: ‘Oh kitty, what are you doing?’
Me: ‘I think she’s fishing.’
Achievement unlocked: my daughter smiled, and didn’t groan, roll her eyes, or whine ‘Daaaad’.
Nobody has noticed sofa.
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
Sofa Kingdom
After we got there, I realized I forgot those things you’re supposed to sit on. There were reaper cushions.
So close, yet sofa.
I thought that’s a very weird way to start a conversation.
AWOL nut.
About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.
I ask him "What are you doing?"
"I'm measuring your patience."
It becomes a sectional.
They charge per cushion.
I got tele-vision
The last thing I need is a bunch of baby couches running around the place
never get old."
• you suddenly know all the words to every Eagles song.
• you get up early on a Saturday morning to make sure you’ll be tired enough for a couch nap that afternoon.
• you change your car’s oil exactly every 2,000 miles.
• mowing the lawn is no longer a chore, but a privilege.
• you can actually tell old John Wayne movies apart.
• your idea of fun is aimlessly wandering around the home improvement section of any store.
I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.
But sofa so good.
Boy, was my face red!
He pressed the russet button, of course.
Soo.. a little background: my mother was about to visit for a walk outside the next day when this dialogue happened; also: my native language is german and i don't know if this very common in english as well, but my daughter calls my mother <stgm_at's-mother-first-name>-gramma. for the sake of this post let's assume her name is elizabeth.
so here goes...
(i enter the living room; wife & daughter sitting on the couch)
daughter: (in a moderately excited voice) hey dad, you know who's going to visit us tomorrow?
me: (acting as if i didn't know) don't know, who?
daughter: elizabeth-gramma.
me: huh, really, but do you know who is also going to visit us?
(daughter looks at me even more excited, there was defenitely a twinkle in her eye; wife looks at me sceptical)
daughter: don't know, who?
me: my mum.
(cue rolling eyes and groan from my wife and laughter from my daughter)
Ouch
But sofa so good.
But sofa so good.
