What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
Aw come on, I'm shore you laughed at that one.
I promise you there's nothing fishy going on here.
I hope my puns meet up to your scales.
He had no common scents
The authorities say they've never seen such wonton destruction.
I'm a son without a father... I lost him a few days ago to a heart attack and I just... can't stop crying
We both used to check out this sub daily for amazing dad jokes and laugh at them together... We'd try to form our own stupid stuff
I used to wake up for college early in the morning I'd cook some breakfast for him get ready and before leaving I'd wake him up and tell him a stupid dad joke... I'd want to see him start his day with a smile
I just want to thank you all in this sub for giving me and my dad happiness your jokes made us laugh at our worst times
Out of habit I keep getting up to go to his room with a dad joke... Only to see it empty
I'm never gonna get to mess around with my dad again... I'm never going to hang out with him again he's not going to be there to see me grow up and buy a house of my own ... He's not going to see me buy a car of own ... He's not going to see me get married... He's gone forever and I will never get to start my day with a smile again from a silly dad joke with him
He wasn't the greatest dad but he certainly was the best I could ever ask for ... I will miss you dad
Thank you r/dadjokes to all the amazing dads here and their funny and stupid jokes
Edit : thank you so much dad's for your overwhelming support I love you guys and I just want to take a moment to thank all the people here who shared their experiences as well of having lost a parent... Your story inspires me to continue forward with the torch
Also I'm seeing quite a few comments saying the post is not funny and that they came for a laugh... I'm truly sorry about that, I just really wanted to honor my dad in this sub since we spent so much time together here scrolling for jokes and I needed the push from you dads to get back on my feet
I'm never going to be the same that's for sure knowing a peice of me has been lost forever... The void will never be filled in my heart But your support is just what I needed, once again thank you dads I love you
Edit 2: thank you so much dads for your overwhelming support I know I haven't been able to respond to all the dms and messages here but I've been reading them all and it's just made me smile in the worst Thank you dads you guys are the best
"I imagine he’ll be given a tough sentence!"
Tooth or Consequences.
But I haven't Reddit yet.
Knock knock
They curse and recurse at them.
They’re always up to something
"I guess that’s what we get for buying a pure bread dog!"
Tend to live the longest.
"It’s cutting hedge technology!"
first im not sure where to post this story but this is true and ive been cracking up ever since my daughter told me that happened.
So my daughter is 23 now. When she was 18 & im dropping her off at college, i told her that "anytime a guy approachs you and youre not in the mood to be hit on just tell the guy you have herpes or whatever and hopefully he'll stop & go away, if he doesnt...then, well ya know...you leave as safely as u can." i thought it was harmless kinda funny advice. So last night, when she's picking up her dog (cause i said id puppysit while she went to the football game), I said something to the effect of the dog needing a slow feed bowl and she rolled her eyes and told me shes not taking advice from me after the "herpe talk". i said "what? what herpe talk?" and she reminded me of that advice i offered when she was an 18 year old college freshmen and then told me thats why she doesnt have a bf. i chuckled and started asking, "have u ever said that? what happened? how many times have you told a guy that?" she continued to tell me that she went to a few frat/soriety get togethers with her girlfriends and maybe used that line 6-7 times. i lost it laughing and said "you know those 6-7 guys told at least 3-4 people each and so on." she goes "No shit Dad. because of you i cant find a date cause everyone thinks i have herpes." anyways, i thought this was too funny to not share, plus it worked cause i get to puppysit versus grandbabysit.
turns out the board had a massive Fallout
would it be correct to call him the Heir o' Smith?
I am not a dad. I am a daughter. For longer than I can remember, I have called my dad at "too early" times in the morning, woke him up, and told him a joke. This was a daily occurrence. Hence how I found this sub.
My dad died on Monday. You guys helped me wake him up with laughter so many times and I got to hear him laugh every day. Thank you r/dadjokes.
Edit: spelling
Wow I really did not expect so many people to see this post or to take the time to comment and reach out to me. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and kind words. It really means a lot. This is a great community and I'm so glad to have found it. As a mom to two beautiful little jokesters, I will absolutely continue pestering them with daily jokes and keep the tradition and the laughter alive.
For those asking, his favorite jokes were the really long ones that took forever to tell and had bad/ the best punchlines. The one that immediately sticks out was posted here either Sunday or Monday and was the last one I got to tell him. I will see if I can find it and figure out how to link. It was about a farmer who really loved tractors.
Thank you to the kind redditors who found it for me.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/comments/slwg7y/bit_of_a_story_to_this_one_but_well_worth_the_read/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
"Seriously, they just pick it up as they go along!"
Windshield vipers!
It’s a vicious cycle.
I’m sure they aren’t Trudeau.
At the end of the day.....It's night.
I can't find the words to thank you.
When the doctor walks in the man notices how buff he is. This doctor is SWOLE.
The exam begins and after some time the muscular physician cannot stop bringing up the weather.
"Hotter than normal this time of year, don't you think?"
"There's a storm coming in this weekend."
On and on he goes.
After this continues for some time the man asks, "why do you keep talking about the weather? This has nothing to do with it burning when I pee."
"My apologies," said the doctor. "I'm a Meaty Urologist."
Barkeep asks “Whaddya want?”
The Roman holds up two fingers and says “I’d like five beers please!”
Unfortunately, I struck out. I suppose I should have known better than to go looking for love in Alderaan places.
An ill used on.
To a retailer
My brother said I was stewpid
So I asked the people on the bridge above me to move.
We were watching a squirrel dig in our backyard. He proceeds to say “look at the squirrel ducking his head in an out again and again out of the grass, and if this continues, it won’t be long before it is goose-necked”
It was a waist of time.
We're called Pro bono
The first guy has a short putt to finish his round. He steps up and is about to hit it when he pauses, sets his club down, and waits several minutes for a funeral procession to go by.
When the cars pass, he picks up his club and the other guy says, “Wow, that was very respectful of you, why did you do that?”
The first guy explains, “I was married to her for 30 years, it’s the least I could do.”
I guess that's just the Al Gore Rhythm.
I told her so we could take it home and cheer it up
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
Not at all - there's a vas deferens!
A croc pot. (Continuing reptilian theme)
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
“I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."
A voice from the crowd says, "There's a calendar behind you."
Do they semi-retire?
"It’s cutting hedge technology!"
