I won a contest extracting the most water from a towel, I'm now known as the....
The competitive painting contest was an abject failure
What did John Mcenroe say when he was disqualified from the chese eating contest
A son tells his Dad he wants to win the limbo contest at his school...
His dad says, "That's a pretty low bar."
The Biggest Loser’s contestant talking about his opponent:
“I’m not worried about her, she is a lightweight.”
I'm going on a quiz show! There are lots of other contestants, but they're all grizzlies and polars. It's called...
Who wants to beat a million bears.
Have you ever wondered why the winner of all the Miss Universe contest...
...always came from Earth ?
I entered my Chihuahua in an 'ugliest dog' contest and I won first place!
I entered a pooping contest once
I struggled hard in the bodybuilding contest.
Turns out, I've got atrophy
I'm closely watching how this contested election affects the volatility of the stock markets.
I call it the "Al Gore Rhythm" method.
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
My cat got 10/10 points at a beauty contest
I've just entered the neighborhoods tightest hat contest..
I was all ready to host a limbo contest, but then I found out that someone stole my special limbo bar.
I mean, how low can you go?
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre
One of the local radio stations had a "Worst Pun" contest.
The best part was you could submit multiple entries, and I sent in a bunch, at least 10. I figured the more I came up with, one of them had to win.
But, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I entered ten puns into a contest.
I hoped one would win, but no pun in ten did.
My friend from Paris took part in a national barista contest
And he won! I read it in the French press
“Judge, I want to contest 50% of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus!”
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Ok. I want to contest half of my parking tickets. I think they are bogus.
Winning a German sausage eating contest is all about your mind set
You hope for the best, but prepare for the wurst
Just watched an episode of MasterChef. The contestants had to successfully infuse a lump of meat with THC or get eliminated
I guess you could say the steaks were high
Did you hear about all the competition in the outdoor pickled cabbage contest?
A male dog and a female dog are having a pissing contest, which one will win?
Obviously the male dog because he has the-leg-up.
If he won't talk I guess it's just a stairing contest
I entered a pun contest once
You had to send in your best puns, via snail mail, in an orderly list. I sent ten in, thinking at least one would win me a prize, but no pun in ten did.
Two artists had an art contest. How did it end?
I came second in a dumpling eating contest...
...you dim sum, you lose some.
I was winning in a staring contest once...
and it was all taken away in the blink of an eye.
How did the neckwear contest end?
Did you hear that the guy who got second place in that smoke machine design contest forgot how his prototype worked?
When they asked him about it, he said he didn’t have the foggiest idea.
Best Golf Pun contest has started
Our Golf Pun contest is starting tonight at 5PM EST. It's free to enter. Winner gets $150 Amazon eGift Card .........
Please invite all the punsters you'd like .......... https://golfpuns.com/index.php
Which body part never wins any contests?
"German talent show contestants puts string of sausages up her bum" .. this performance was the wurst
I've started a new competitive pun gameshow podcast entitled 'Punnit' and I'm looking for contestants! First two episodes in the comments.
'Punnit' is hosted by myself and played over three rounds. The first two rounds consist of one category (say, Musical Genres & Ailments), with each contestant going in turn and giving their best 5 entries. Such as, HIVy Metal, Honky Tonksillitis, Indiegestion etc.
These two categories are known about a week or so prior so everyone can bring their best (or worst, depending on how you look at it) but the third round is entirely on the spot, with the entrants shouting out whatever they can think of for a category. One of the recent being American Presidents & American States, with OklaBama winning that one.
It's all very much in the early stages but I would appreciate both feedback on the format and people getting in touch if they wanna duke it out.
Here are the episodes:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKJOzYgG9MW7CQHAZQahiqw/videos
Follow us too @thepunpodcast
What was the prize the baker won for winning the bread contest?
What do you win in a contest for doing absolutely nothing?
Two chinese Christians are having a contest to see who can contact God the fastest. After one wins, the other looks at him and says
I entered 10 puns in a contest hoping one would win.
A man entered a pun contest and said ten pins, hoping one would win...
Unfortunately no pun intended
“Judge, I want to contest 60% of my parking tickets!”
Judge: Repeat infractions?
Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
I won a contest for draining the most water out of a towel...
I'm now known as the Lord of the Wrings.
I submitted ten puns to a punning contest, thinking at least one might win.
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