Envelope
I responded with "Well dam!"
So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."
Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"
"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."
The man can't believe it.
"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"
Naturally, they're both shocked.
"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."
Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."
They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.
"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"
The man puts down his fruit and responds,
"It's a date!"
He told me it was his first attempt at spam mail.
He really urn-ed it.
It was hummuside.
It's the eye roll
Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Edit: good lord, I didn’t know someone else posted this previously. I thought it was funny as heck and my kids rolled their eyes when I told it SO THERE.
I think it was Scampoo.
Because he was told his password had to contain 8 characters and at least one Capital
That's alot of information to swallow.
I like to keep all my bases covered.
So mind your pees in queues.
Cost about $4.50
Looks like the boa cons tricked her...
They are top aware.
Sometimes I think she takes me for granite.
Spine
That's a plane fact.
They believe it is the remains of the long lost Pharaoh Rocher.
I’m expecting to have a bad thyme.
From now on no joke will be published without their scents of humour.
I said "Maybe you should put it in the vegetable drawer"
Then he left and the door was ajar.
It’s spam
Looks like they're raising the chocolate bar.
InVOLUMEtary
Because people always finnish their meals.
Pulp fiction.
But I can!
= 'chickenkiev'
Oh no you dropped your phone in the fish bowl now it’s gunna be all wet
In that sense, he was on the money.
That's what really seals the dill.
...what’s the beef?
My dad used to tell me this one growing up:
>Native American child is with his father. He looks up at him and says "Dad, how did you figure out what to name us when we were born?"
>
>The dad responds "Son, it's easy: I just looked around nature and what I saw is what I named you. Your sister, Flying-Eagle, for instance, was born while an eagle flew overhead. Your brother was named Roaming-Buffalo for a similar reason. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Fucking?"
That is a bit iron-ic.
...that way, the door is always ajar.
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus
