Conjoined Twins Puns

So I have an uncle, once removed.

Close.

We called his brother "My uncle on my father's side."

They always get double tops.

But I'm rather attached to them.

They're neck and neck.

So the other one could drive for a change.

Now, one brother's all that's left.

Don't worry though. The other one is all right.

This is especially true if it's a conjoined twin.

It has been proposed that an ox may never birth a conjoined twin

But if it did it would be a Paired Ox.

Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins...

Apparently the correct term is “conjoined twins”.

I will now take suggestions on how to be more sensitive to deaf people. I'm all ears!

1. As a ventroliquist, I made one of my dummies sing a song by the GoGos. I'm not going to tell you how I did it. My lips are sealed!
2. Im the only council member against the construction of the beach. Im going against the grain!
3. Why did God make me a conjoined twin? Im beside myself!
4. I put aluminum on a villain's mind control devices. I foiled his plan!
5. Even though I'm scared of heights, I still go skydiving with this girl I like. Im falling for her!
6. My shoelace company collapsed. I couldn't make ends meet!
7. I like using misdirection in my jokes to make people laugh. Or do I?
8. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a hotdog. I'm on a roll!
9. I won my 17th straight Halloween costume contest dressed as a nerd. I'm honor roll!
10. The answer to this question, "Who's the president of the United States?" is a no-brainer.
11. I finished a race the other day. I won 'cause I killed all the Kenyans!
12. I don't know how to wear a wig. At least not off the top of my head.
13. I went grocery shopping at Harris Teeter for a 50% off everything sale. I went in for a carrot and came out with a half, which is why I now shop at Whole Foods!
14. If youre being attacked by zombies, just throw a party! Nobody wants to kill the life of the party!
15. I used to date a girl, who still uses a nightlight. What a turn-off!

So, I have an uncle, once removed.

So, I have an uncle once removed.

I have an uncle, once removed.

I have an uncle, once removed.

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins...

I offended two people by calling them hipsters

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins

I guess the term "conjoined twins" is what they prefer.