How does the computer programmer order all her books?

By the Dewey Hexadecimal System!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sir_Pluses
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What you call it when computer programmers make fun of each other?

cyber boolean

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thebobstu
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Scientists and programmers have gotten together to write computer code that will not only warn of future global warming but also take credit for inventing the internet.

It's an new Al-Gore-rithm

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jonnyprophet
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
As a computer programmer, I love goose-feather pillows...

Because they are down-loaded!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the computer programmer who was strung out on cough syrup?

He had a major codeine problem.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/hey_mcfly27
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?

He wanted to be a seรฑor developer.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 222
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/binusr
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 28 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why donโ€™t computer programmers like the outdoors?

Because thereโ€™s too many bugs

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WillieTplayz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Do you know why the computer programmer is to blame for Global Warming?

He didn't follow the Al Gore rhythm

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/A_Bridgeburner
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 13 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A hungry computer programmer

takes mega-bytes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 52
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheBeerded
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear the one about the extremely gifted, hand-less, vegetarian computer programmer who could type with his toes?

He had a lot of toe foo.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/infintesimal
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A wife asks her husband,

"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six." A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk. "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?" the wife asks. He replies, "They had avocados!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sweaty_Bollocks
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Computer Coffee..

I was telling my wife a story about a programmer that was able to run a computer script on a Coffee Machine.

It would brew the coffee for the person exactly as they reached the machine, my wife jokingly said, "he speaks computer coffee."

That is when Dad Joke came in and I said, you could say that he speaks Java.

She walked outside without saying anything and stared at the yard for a while.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 58
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Scopecontro1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Whereโ€™s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history โ€“ with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it werenโ€™t for C, weโ€™d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who donโ€™t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks โ€œmay I join you?โ€


Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?

Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraftโ€ฆ and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.


How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Itโ€™s a hardware problem.


I named my hard drive โ€œdat assโ€ so once a month my computer asks if I want to โ€˜back dat ass upโ€™.


I think my neighbor is stalking me as sheโ€™s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.


I changed my password to โ€œincorrectโ€. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say โ€œYour password is incorrectโ€.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


Itโ€™s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.


Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didnโ€™t know who he was.


I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didnโ€™t have internet.


A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.


Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Science joke build up

I work as a salesman in a call center. We were going over some of the more interesting names weโ€™ve seen and called. Without disclosing the last name my neighbor said oh, you havenโ€™t heard of โ€œCytoplasm XXXXXXXโ€? I answered. The guy is a computer programmer who Iโ€™d imagine changed his name to that unless his parents are that cruel. I start rambling off โ€œCytoplasm?? Of all the organelles in a eukaryotic cell to name yourself you pick cytoplasm?! What about Golgi apparatus, or endoplasmic reticulum?โ€ My manager chimes in โ€œwow you memorized a lot from bioโ€ I told her I went to college for science shit but โ€œnow here I am making phone calls as a professional, thanks collegeโ€ to which my neighbor replies.... โ€œI guess now you could say youโ€™re a PROkaryote

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fly_MartinZ
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Dinner time dad jokes

Sitting at dinner with my 8yo son. I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he said, an NBA player or a soccer player. I said, "what's something you'd be that isn't sports related?" he said "probably a computer machine" I think he meant, computer programmer, engineer..

So to take advantage of the situation and get him to eat, I said "well son, if you want to be a computer machine, you better take some... 'Mega Bytes' of that Chilli!" hilarity ensued as you might have guessed :)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/iAmDrakesEyebrows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.