Commandants Puns

He's a cocker espanol

Found a technician in my local directory but he says it’s terminal.

He was a man of a fish scent, see.

I think it's data.

The Kernel.

Will was not happy to hear the news

"I find your lack of face disturbing."

I guess sometimes sit just happens

is trusting your instincts.

When I asked why, he said, "I have no idea who you are, and this is my trampoline."

Thus, he named his tent after the poet Edgar Allen Poe. Unfortunately, when the enemy threw a grenade into our camp, both the commander and her wife got a nasty wound to the groin. The army doctor took them to his medical tent to examine the damage, examining first the commander and then his wife.

After concluding the investigation, the wife asked the doctor if she or his husband could try to have any children soon.

Seeing that the commander had left for his tent and was no longer present, the doctor answered: "Yes, but he is in Poe tent"

Two scientists are studying how far frogs can jump. Their first step was to teach a frog to jump on command. This completed, they yelled jump, and the frog jumped 8 meters. Considering what effect each leg had, they then amputated one leg and yelled jump again. The frog jumped 6 meters. After noting this, they amputated a second leg. After yelling jump, the frog jumps 4 meters. This was such an interesting result that they went on to amputate a third leg. This time, the frog was only able to leap 2 meters. Feeling a breakthrough was coming, they amputated the last leg. Despite yelling jump repeatedly, the frog wouldn't move. Their conclusions were that amputation of more than 3 legs causes deafness in frogs.

Guess she just wanted her conversation to be private.

A-Ten-Chin!!

The infantry

He's against the capitalism

He suspected one of the congregants may have stolen the bike but he didn't want to falsely accuse anyone. He decided to go to a local rabbi for advice. The rabbi advised the priest to give the next sermon about the 10 Commandments and when he gets to "thou shall not steal", look around to see if anyone is nervous.

A week later the rabbi sees the priest on his bike. The rabbi said "So I see that my advice worked out as intended". The priest replied "actually I didn't need to go through all of them. When I got to "thou shall not commit adultery", I suddenly remembered where I put my bike.

And orders everyone around.

Now it's called the USS Arrrr.

But nothing’s set in stone yet.

Answer: When you walk into the bathroom and you see the linoleum blown apart.

Fe-male.

Because the shampoo bottle read: Apply, Lather, Rinse, Repeat

abraham stincoln

I'm a matheist.

They caught him on tape

Would it be Devil warship?

He was a great conductor

Lock them both in the garage for 3 hours and see who’s happiest to see you.

He couldn't stand his Sala-Commander.

• "Can't talk, busy camping," replied Tom, intent.
• "The French don't deserve our thanks," said Tom mercilessly.
• "Haven't you heard me singing in church?" Tom inquired.
• "I'll win this tennis game if I get one more point, " Tom deduced.
• "I didn't eat my T-bone tonight," said Tom mistakenly.
• "So you're asking about my mink coat," Tom inferred.
• "I'm wearing a watch around my wrist," said Tom with abandon.
• "I'm the most important salmon vendor," said Tom selfishly.
• "I was correct the first three times, and I am correct now," said Tom forthrightly.
• "Castration is reversible," Tom remembered.
• "I brought the dessert," said Tom piously.
• "I command my own private army," said Tom maliciously.
• "I'll order the same meat as last time," Tom revealed.
• "I've never swum in Egypt's longest river," said Tom in denial.
• "Et tu?" asked Tom brutally.
• "That's women for you," said Tom dismissively.
• "I'll have a bowl of Chinese soup," said Tom wantonly.
• "I eat everything," said Tom in jest.
• "I gave you your freedom, and I can take it away," said Tom deliberately.
• "Maybe if I rub this lamp something good will happen," said Tom ingeniously.
• "I'm never taking an Uber again," Tom derided.
• "That dog is a mongrel," Tom muttered.
• "It's too bad Babe isn't on our team," said Tom ruthlessly.
• "Maybe I should stop using worms to catch fish... or maybe not," Tom debated.
• "Hemingway is my favorite author," said Tom earnestly.
• "This drumming is too easy," said Tom without missing a beat.
• "This is a frozen dessert,” I screamed.
• "Now I have TWO duck feathers", Tom doubled down.
• "She would never answer her phone the first time, you always had to hang up once," Tom recalled.
• "Two plus five is seven,” Tom added.
• "I only have Diamonds, Clubs and Spades," said Tom heartlessly.
• "It's okay, the PlayStation still works," Tom consoled.
• "Capital punishment is mostly used on the lower classes," said Tom with poor execution.
• "Where are all of my old board games?" asked Tom cluelessly.
• "I might be acquitted," said Tom without conviction.
• "I've never dyed my hair red, but I'll try it," said Tom gingerly.
• "Ugh! I need to shave again," Tom bristled.
• "Whale hunting makes me so sad," Tom blubbered.
• "I'll quit smoking marijuana right now!" said Tom bluntly.
• "I like hot dogs more than hamburgers," said Tom frankly.
• "I signed it twice," Tom remarked.
• "I received a letter to take my car in for repair," Tom recalled.
• "I hate pale ale," sai

So there is a commander in Scottsdale PD named Commander Coffee, and today I asked him, in a serious tone, "Hey Coffee, can an I ask you a question?" And he responded with a serious "Sure Joe, what's up?" And then I asked "If the mafia ever put a hit on you, wouldn't that mean that they are trying to ice Coffee?" He giggled and was like "Wow, that was actually pretty good." Then continued on his way to the police side.

He had no Monet to buy Degas, to make the Van Gogh.

Now I have CO vid 19.

The space bar.

He was almost Blownaparte.

He is Espanyol

A patty officer

He's Espanyol

and orders everyone a round.

He orders everyone around.