not a dad but got all my comedic sensibilities from one

i work at a liquor store. i was stabbing the plastic top of a case of tall boys open with a boxcutter (with GUSTO & PANACHE) and one of my regulars came in , saw me, and asked

"jeez, what are you tryna do, kill em?" & i said without hesitation

"well you cant drink them while theyre still alive,"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I went to the new stage production of β€œWords.” The production had many jokes, puns, and comedic lines. At the end, my friend asked me for an explanation because he didn’t get the humor.

I told him it was a play on β€œWords.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrPlay3r13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My silly I.T dad is convinced he's a comedic genius

So my sister brought her computer over for my dad to fix. From my room, some 30 minutes later, i just heard him sniggering, and eventually balling his eyes out with laughter. He summons me over, and says through teary eyes "Look what i changed her computer name to!" So, look i did, expecting something silly. Sure enough, he had called it "Banana". I just shook my head and walked off while he cackled maniacally in his chair.

πŸ‘︎ 395
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WerdsWerth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report
My father, comedic genius.

Any time someone asks my dad if he wants something mundane, like an apple or a soda or something, he answers with "no thanks, I'm trying to quit".

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Voixmortelle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report
Comedic Shorts (Original) imgur.com/b4ytYg2
πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GiauzarGD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2016
🚨︎ report
Hit the hight of my comedic career last night.

I was at a party and a few friends and I were sitting around talking, when the subjected of anesthesiology came up. A high school senior was talking about how he wanted to become an anesthesiologist, when someone else says "I hear it's an incredibly boring job."

Without missing a beat I come back with, "Yeah, I mean it literally puts people to sleep."

In my head I imagined the whole room bursting out in laughter, but instead no one heard me, apart from my girlfriend who patted me on the head.

πŸ‘︎ 168
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logancook44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Not my dad but my comedic mastermind of an uncle...

I was with him in his car.

Me: Hey, are we taking the bridge?

Him (with a horrible grin): Yes, but we gotta return it later.

mfw

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rajjiv
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2013
🚨︎ report
You’re about to deliver a punchline to a blues-rock legend, but you pause for comedic timing.

Tom Waits.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kubloo
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad recently starting using Facebook as a comedic medium.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moggyswole
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2013
🚨︎ report
My Dad's Comedic Genius is Displayed at a Business Dinner

So my dad runs a small business and each year he takes the staff and their spouses out for a fancy dinner to thank them for all their hard work.

So the husband of one of his employees orders the tilapia, a fish entree. The waiter brings it over to him and the first thing my dad does is yell across the table, "Nice catch!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
🚨︎ report
My 5 year old got me with this one:

5yo: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Me: Why?

5yo: To get to the dummy's house.

Me:...

5yo:...

Me:...

5yo: Knock Knock.

Me: Who's there?

5yo: The chicken.

πŸ‘︎ 482
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wellimnotdeadyet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Comedical
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/josebencao9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...

So there were 6 of us...

With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)

There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".

Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"

The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.

Best day of my comedic life

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife, Ming, told me, "You would look more professional without that funny bow tie." I have to wear it though. I explained to her, "My jokes aren't funny without...

my comedic tie, Ming."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
4YO Daughter (frowning): β€œBaba, I don’t like you”

...”I love you”.

Oh, the timing, bless her comic soul.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/krathulu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My favourite comedian?

Joe King.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/movielooking
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
Inspired by Circumcision Story

After reading the circumcision story from u/Oemus2776 this morning, I was reminded of how little the nurses at my wife’s first birth appreciated my comedic stylings.

My wife was in labor and the nurse came in to check the dilation of the cervix. She had her hand under the sheet and said, β€œalright now, I’m just feeling for change.” I replied, β€œwell you’re in luck! I found two dimes and a quarter in there just yesterday!”

Crickets...

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrNanny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Mountains aren't funny...

They are hill areas.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Al3xleigh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Categorising Dad Jokes

No jokes here, just a request for some help/clever words. (admin - delete if you're looking just for jokes).

My 12yo son has decided to do a school speech on dad jokes! He is attempting to categorise different types (in a comedic way if possible), Herding cats is easier.

As a Dad my joke are funny (mainly just to me) and off the cuff (so no use in a planned setting); I am requesting some help from those dads more wordy than myself; looking to impart sage words.

Any help will be appreciated and if the speech goes well i will post it.

thanks in advance

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonjk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Canadian karate student say when he was complaining about his teacher?

His punishments never make any sense, ey

I don't know why I thought of that while brushing my teeth late at night but I'm glad I did. haha punishments, I didnt even realise its a 2 in 1 pun. I can now go to sleep knowing I have reached the zenit of my comedic career.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2017
🚨︎ report
I took a photo of my friend Lee, printed it out at x2 scale and stuck it on the side of the building,

Largely for comedic purposes.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad always has these...

...."insanely witty/hilarious" puns (if you can call them that, I'm not an expert) that he uses when referring to things, here's a few:

  • QuikSilver => SlowGold
  • Vin Diesel => Lose Petrol
  • Backup folder => Frontdown folder

I'll try and think of a few more but you get the point.

Anyways he thinks he's a comedic genius that dude.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/todayIwillHam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
🚨︎ report
My son just bumped his head [help]

OK, this just happened: bumped head, bag of frozen veggies, < enter dad stage left (the doorway, stage right is a window, and it's shut).>

Me: what happened little man? Him: <he explains> Me: So... mummy peed on your head? <Wife smirks condescendingly> Him: what?

Now, this is what I need help with, it's not the first time this has happened either, the wife goes on for a minute or so explaining how "wee" is sometimes called "pee" and how I'm deliberately misunderstanding him for comic effect.

If this wasn't bad enough he then howls with laughter for about five minutes getting me to repeat what I said again and again, all the while jumping around in the bed and generally totally cured by my comedic genius.

This isn't the way it's meant to be, is it? Can I enrol in a local parenting class, or should I send my wife to couples therapy?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/created4this
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Adele got a puppy

Do you know what she named it?

Adog.

-- a myDad Original and what he believes to be his best comedic work to date

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
🚨︎ report
The first joke I rember my dad telling me as a kid

A man is walking along the street, taking each step with one foot on the raised sidewalk, and the other foot on the road. Another man asks him "Hey why are you walking like that, with one foot on the sidewalk and the other down on the road"? The man looks down to his feet and says "Damn, thanks for telling me, I thought I had started to limp".

Edit: Bonus points for telling the same joke (with visual representation of course) every god damned time we were walking in a street that had a raised sidewalk. Can't wait until I have a kid so I can pass this comedic gold on.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maz-o
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Wife on inability to grow a beard

Being of Native American descent I lack the ability to grow a full beard. My wife finds this a great source of comedic inspiration and dropped this gem.

Wife: You know why Prerblo can't grow a beard.

Friend: I don't know. Why?

Wife: Because it's all apache.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Prerblo_Percrasso
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Coworker dad joke

A fellow employee walks in looking for one of my cube mates, Lynn. Employee was informed that Lynn works from home on Tuesdays and walks away. 2 minutes later, my other cube mate begins singing "looking for Lynn in all the wrong places" to great comedic effect.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtdogg05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.