Why did the meat cutter decide against a career in stand-up comedy?

He was afraid he would butcher all the jokes.

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/Joesdad65

📅︎ Apr 19 2021

🚨︎ report

Shamelessly stolen from the "Flying Pigs" comedy troop.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/orlanthi

📅︎ Mar 12 2021

🚨︎ report

I recently found out that noble gasses aren't much for comedy

I tried firing all my best jokes at them, but I just couldn't get a reaction...

👍︎ 22

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👤︎ u/that_one_shark

📅︎ Feb 17 2021

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I have achieved comedy

👍︎ 11

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👤︎ u/wilhewonca

📅︎ Feb 05 2021

🚨︎ report

What do you call a comedy that takes place in multiple decades?

A comedy of eras

👍︎ 9

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👤︎ u/philzang

📅︎ Mar 03 2021

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Only two things make me forget about all the shit that's going on with my life. Comedy and......

Alzheimer's

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/aritra_001

📅︎ Mar 01 2021

🚨︎ report

I wanted to get some stock for this comedy studio

But most people called it a laughing stock

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/SimilarThought9

📅︎ Mar 11 2021

🚨︎ report

Comedy Routine

So, I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner the other day. It was just gathering dust!

What kind of bagel can fly? A plane one!

I went to a graveyard the other day, it was really crowded. I figure people are dying to get in.

Didja hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the no-bell prize!

What do you call a pointless pachyderm? An Irrelepahnt!

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!

Ever hear about the restaurant on the moon? No atmosphere at all.

And to end it all: "I bet if I gave you some thyme you could mustard a response to this complete a-salt on language, but for now we're just beefing around!"

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/WyvernLord123

📅︎ Feb 20 2021

🚨︎ report

My wife asked me, “Do you hate all romantic comedies?”

I said, “No. I love Love Actually actually.”

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Feb 12 2021

🚨︎ report

I'm a big fan of sattire comedy.

👍︎ 3k

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👤︎ u/boomboxblam

📅︎ May 20 2020

🚨︎ report

why did the FedEx driver decide to get into standup comedy as a fallback?

all his friends told him he was really good at delivery

i came up with this myself and im kinda proud ngl

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/JacksonCM

📅︎ Dec 08 2020

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I had to leave the Neanderthal comedy club early

The humor was too lowbrow

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer

📅︎ Jan 09 2021

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I went to a comedy and phylosophy convention

Laughed more than I thought

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/ruimnf

📅︎ Dec 24 2020

🚨︎ report

Iraqi comedy club...

Badgag.

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/VERBERD

📅︎ Dec 26 2020

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Went to the comedy club with some friends and ended up paying for everyone...

jokes on me i guess

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/Heyitsjakson

📅︎ Dec 13 2020

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I think about this way too much but I think it's comedy gold!

Mother in law to sister in law: why aren't you in pennsylvania this week

Me: because she's here at the table with us

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/dunnitt625

📅︎ Oct 27 2020

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I wore a diaper to the comedy show

Just for shits and giggles

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/Hitler_the_Painter

📅︎ Nov 15 2020

🚨︎ report

I did my first comedy gig in a fertility clinic.

I got a standing ovulation.

👍︎ 18

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump

📅︎ Sep 24 2020

🚨︎ report

Part 2 of Sattire comedy

👍︎ 36

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👤︎ u/boomboxblam

📅︎ May 21 2020

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If L’il Wayne did comedy...

Would we call him... LOL Wayne?

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/cocomaybechanel

📅︎ Aug 17 2020

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My "bathroom humor" comedy routine was a failure ...

I couldn't get a single laugh from the guys in the other urinal stalls.

👍︎ 10

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👤︎ u/DreadMoor

📅︎ Aug 08 2020

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Every week, at a comedy club I tell a joke about Peter Pan and nobody laughs.

The joke neverlands.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/one_pun_man_

📅︎ Jul 18 2020

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I wasn't invited to perform on the annual mushroom stand-up comedy show

I guess they must have realized I'm not a fungi.

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/Abaght

📅︎ Aug 27 2020

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What do you call a comedy performance done by a paraplegic?

I don’t know, but it’s not stand up.

👍︎ 18

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👤︎ u/mom2israel

📅︎ Jun 20 2020

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You are watching a stand-up comedy and suddenly the comedian sits down

Its a sitcom now

👍︎ 13

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👤︎ u/muddubooboo

📅︎ Jul 14 2020

🚨︎ report

sattire comedy part 3

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/boomboxblam

📅︎ May 21 2020

🚨︎ report

Why didn't the Egg go to the Comedy festival?

He heard that the comics had the crowds cracking up

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/snuffy_tentpeg

📅︎ May 23 2020

🚨︎ report

Comedy gold

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/yorkshireboii156

📅︎ Feb 27 2020

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I once tried to start a comedy career by telling jokes about my days as a pilot.

Sadly, I could never get my jokes to land, and just kept crashing and burning on stage.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/OmegaLiquidX

📅︎ Jul 24 2020

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This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

👍︎ 7

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👤︎ u/capitolpuns

📅︎ Apr 15 2020

🚨︎ report

The best form of comedy

👍︎ 51

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👤︎ u/Jafopwoo

📅︎ Oct 18 2019

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Pro Tip: If you have a gashed wound, it is cheaper to go to a comedy club than the emergency room.

You just pay the cover charge and they'll have you in stitches.

👍︎ 15

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👤︎ u/cozykinkajou

📅︎ Apr 10 2020

🚨︎ report

My friend decided to do stand up comedy in a cemetery

It was a grave mistake

👍︎ 20

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👤︎ u/Ayyyyysdf165

📅︎ Feb 13 2020

🚨︎ report

Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.

He'll leave you in stitches.

👍︎ 5

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👤︎ u/prendrefeu

📅︎ May 30 2020

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I really want to see Patrick Warburton do a stand-up comedy act where he just reads dad jokes.

That shit would be Kronk.

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/TheTayloceraptor

📅︎ May 18 2020

🚨︎ report

ha ha ha, classic comedy

👍︎ 29

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👤︎ u/acreativeredditlogin

📅︎ Sep 23 2019

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What do you call a fetus who's destined for comedy?

An inside joke

👍︎ 30

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👤︎ u/canyounot--

📅︎ Jan 14 2020

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A lot of people consider me to be the margarine of comedy

I tell a joke and they can’t believe it’s not better.

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/hamiltonscale

📅︎ Apr 25 2020

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C3PO is Comedy Gold!

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/Bored-Hoarder

📅︎ Dec 28 2019

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I sent a comedy film video to a friend

It was one gigabyte in size

It was quite a gig

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/heyimpaulnawhtoi

📅︎ Dec 24 2019

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DadJokes are proof that comedy skips a generation.

http://imgur.com/gallery/3GUE8

This was a group text from me to both of the kids. The younger was born exactly nine months from the Tuesday in question. The older one responded with a thumbs down.

👍︎ 2k

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👤︎ u/ty10drope

📅︎ Jul 25 2017

🚨︎ report

I saw Pinocchio do stand-up at a comedy club last night.

I’m not going to lie, his jokes were a little wooden. Boy...

👍︎ 2

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👤︎ u/junipurrberry

📅︎ Apr 02 2020

🚨︎ report

So I hear the Grim Reaper is going into Standup Comedy

Apparently he kills.

👍︎ 8

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👤︎ u/MageKorith

📅︎ Feb 05 2020

🚨︎ report

I tell everyone that I hate all romantic comedies, but that is a lie.

I love Love Actually actually.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Sep 10 2020

🚨︎ report