Pets, puns and dictators
Help wanted from r/puns!
I am planning to make my girlfriend a picture calendar for 2015 of some dog/ cat based puns of famous dictators. I'm running short of ideas, and so am turning to Reddit, given their penchant for all things pets and puns.
My ideas so far:
Adolf Kitler
Chairman miaow
Kitty Amin
Ho chi(huahua) Min
Robert Pugabi
Colonel Catdafi
Saddam Hussaint Bernard
Benito Pussolini
Fidel Catstro
I'm looking to Reddit's collective pun power to generate some more ideas. Help me punslingers!
I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection...
She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
I asked Rick Astley if I can borrow his Disney movie collection.
He told me "You can borrow any movie in my collection but I'm never gonna give you Up."
Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, EXCEPT one
He's never gonna give you "Up"
I knew someone who collected watches. They'd link the watches all together into a sort of belt.
I thought it was a waist of time.
I like to collect records
It’s my decision and that’s vinyl!
Notable Cats Enamel Pin Collection
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks her. "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"
I think my wife is covering my rifle collection with glue.
She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
I’m going to start collecting highlighters.
I want to be buried with my record collection.
That would be my vinyl resting place.
The content of a person's audiobook collection...
What does Reese Witherspoon call her gun collection?
I own a pristine collection of candy canes...
they're all in mint condition!
A collection of physical dadjokes
A collection of physical dad-jokes (click the link).
Straight from my 6 yr old.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Dino-snore.
I ugly laughed at this and she thought it was the best.
Edit: wow, thanks for the awards! I told my daughter she got 500 likes and she started dancing. Thank you!
I don't understand why my friends hate my lava lamp collection...
What do you call a group of ravens trying bring crows together?
A conspiracy to commit murder.
My wife has been cold to me lately, so I figured a hobby might make her more receptive to my advances. I figured why not stamp collecting? Well, I learned an important lesson...
Philately will get you nowhere
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
Rick Astley has a massive movie collection and will let you borrow all but one
He’s never going to give you up His movie collection
My collection of irreplaceable French movies was stolen.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
Pokemon cards? Yeah i've got a small collection.
Rick Astley doesn't mind giving away his Disney movies collection...
But he's still never gonna give you Up. Especially remastered in 4k.
The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins
They have no common cents
My record collection includes Bruce Springsteen, John Cougar Mellencamp, and Tom Petty. It’s almost a full Heartland Rock set...
A friend of mine has starting collecting mirrors
Personally, I don't know what he sees in them.
I inherited my dad's collection of shallow flat receptacles with a raised edge, used for carrying, holding, or displaying articles.
My son told me he wanted to start a change collection.
I told him that makes a lot of cents.
Did you hear about the man who only collected rare pennies?
He didn't have a lot of common cents.
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...
Did you hear about the dad who has the world's largest candy cane collection?
They're all in mint condition.
What type of portal collects things?
I'm obsessed with collecting old Beatles records. My friends say I need help..
..but I've already got that one.
My gf made me give away my collection of dead batteries
I sold my vacuum today.
Why?
It was collecting dust.
Whether you use your vacuum cleaner daily or not at all...
It's always going to collect dust.
I have started collecting old settees....
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
My wife hates my collection of old snake skins.
So I have to keep them in the shed.
I need a collection of these
Did you know...
In Las Vegas there are more Catholic churches than casinos? Not surprisingly, many Sunday worshippers will give casino chips instead of cash when the offering plate is passed around. Since the churches get chips from so many different casinos, they have devised a way to collect the offerings. They send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting, and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.
A woman was on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection
the judge says: "First offender" The woman replies: "No, first a Gibson, the a Fender"
A woman is on trial for beating up a unfaithful rockstar husband with his guitar collection
The judge asked her, “first offender”
“No,” she says “first a Gibson then a Fender
I knew a guy who collected watches
He would link them all together into a sort of belt — I thought it was a waist of time.
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