Closed Cities Puns

His best friend, Roy, was known around town for having an adventurous streak that a small town just couldn't satisfy. Roy yearned to travel the world, to rub shoulders with the well-to-do, and to squeeze every drop of excitement he could out of life. While most young folk in town, my grandpa included, were resigned to their lot, Roy was driven by his dream. He worked incredibly hard, taking every hired-hand and handy-man job he could find. He would walk five miles each way to clean a gutter if there was a nickel to be made. His hometown was always spotless, because Roy would pick up every glass bottle he saw to get the deposit back, and every can he found would get turned in for recycling.

The years stretched on. Grandpa settled down with his high school sweetheart in a one-room cottage and had my dad, and not much else. Roy kept hurrying from one job to the next, never spending a dime on a date. Everyone would just roll their eyes and quietly gossip about how poor Roy's obsession was robbing him of a real life.

One day, Roy showed up at Grandpa's house, all decked out in a brand new khaki safari kit, complete with helmet, binoculars, and elephant gun, and announced that he had finally saved up enough for passage to Africa to go big game hunting. He was especially proud of the fine leather boots he was sporting. "Indestructable" he called them, totally impenetrable to water, wind, and snow. No trench-foot for him while he tracked rhinos on the savannah!

Grandpa congratulated Roy on his achievement and wished him bon voyage. Over the next three months, the town felt Roy's absence. Litter lay where it fell, gutters overflowed in heavy rain, small-time farmers rose that bit earlier and bedded that bit later to cover the work Roy used to help with. Of course, the gossipers just turned their chat from how Roy needed a dose of reality to how thoughtless it was of him to just up and leave. Most folks were convinced Roy was gone for good. After all, how could he come back from such a high-falutin' adventure to his tiny, no-account hometown?

But return Roy did, and everyone crowded around at the bar to hear his account of his safari. To their surprise, Roy told them that, for all the time he had been away, he only bagged one trophy that was currently on a slow boat back. It turned out, once Roy got a close-up look at the elephants, rhinos, giraffes, gazelles, and all the fine animals of the African savannah, he lost all heart for hunting. He just couldn't imagi

My wife and I were sitting by one of the canals in my city when a duck came flying towards us. I shouted "Duck" as it flew close over our heads and was really please with myself. My wife doesn't even smile so I ask if she didn't think it was funny. Her reply: "I guess it went over my head"

We were staying in a hotel room that had a balcony door that didn’t fully close which causes a lot of city noise to come in.

It’s the morning and we are still in bed when she says, “I can’t stand this room!”

I reply, “Well, it’s a good thing you’re lying down!”

I was then pummeled with pillows.

1. "Level Plaguing Field"
2. "Look Who’s Stalking"
3. "The Great Ape Processional"
4. "Past Their Primates"
5. "Close Encounters of the Furred Kind"
6. "Monkey to the City"
7. "The Lost City of Chimpanzee"
8. "Along Simian Lines"
9. "Caesar No Evil, Hear No Evil"
10. "Monkey See, Monkey Coup"
11. "Gorilla Warfare" 7:37
12. "The Apes of Wrath"
13. "Gibbon Take"
14. "Aped Crusaders"
15. "How Bonobo Can You Go"
16. "Enough Monkeying Around"
17. "Primates for Life"
18. "Planet of the End Credits"
19. "Ain’t That a Stinger"

When I was a wee lad, about 5 or 6 , my dad and I went to the beach on a vacation. I, having never seen the ocean, learned many new things, like how tides work, and how there's seemingly billions of white flying rats that the world calls Seagulls.

Fast forward a few weeks to us being back home in Kansas City, MO where no beaches or seagulls are to be found. My dad and I were running errands and found ourselves at the local Target, where in the parking lot I spotted dozens of white birds that looked eerily similar to the Seagulls I had learned about weeks before.

"Dad, what're those?" I inquired

"Oh, son those are called Parkinglotgulls. Yeah they're close cousins of the seagull!"

And that's how I came to call those white birds that flock around parking lots worldwide "Parkinglotgulls" even to this day.

So I was getting ready to take a trip to Africa and needed some immunizations before leaving. My dad and I get to the city health center, a two story building, and ask the security person how to get to the office we're looking for. We chat about the trip and all that, and she points us to the elevator. We get on, and she calls out "have a great trip!" As the doors are closing my dad says back

"What? We're just going to the second floor!" Thanks dad.