He knows the last digit of Pi.
He never liked Bruised Knee
... for breakfast.
A Round House.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the shit out of it.
It had to quarantine for 14 days.
The virus will be quarantined for 14 days
Once.
It still didn't land on the ground
His Shoe
"Because it's too afraid to blow him"
If a wood chuck could Chuck Norris
POETRY!
When Chuck Norris attends a feminist rally he comes back with his shirt ironed. :)
You will be mist.
I don’t understand why she feels that way.
This happened today.
I'm at park/playground with my kid. He's playing, I'm throwing a ball for my dog.
Three little girls, maybe around 10 years old, run up. "Can we pet your dog?"
Me, "Sure, would you like to throw the ball for her?"
One of the girls takes the thrower and chucks the ball. It goes a long way.
Me: "Wow, great throw!"
Girl: "I've got my dad's arms."
Me (already laughing on the inside): "Really? What does he use?"
They stare at me.
Sigh.
But it’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Man: Can’t say that I’m surprised.
I had to explain to him that I was married now and that's where I sleep.
But when I do he usually laughs
I just can’t get over them.
He fingered A minor
Kilometer Cyrus
"That's a bald move"
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it 🤠
A tea bag spends more time in the cup.
I don't even know where sandwiches live.
Unless you're at a funeral
Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
The Virus is now in quarantine for 14 days
He doesn't, he scares the living shit out of it
