Was talking to my wife about heading to the local fire hall for their charity Christmas tree drop-off and chipping...
Me: "Do you know if they are rejecting any trees at the firehall this year?"
Wife: "No...? I haven't heard anything"
Me: "I guess they still have an o-PINE door policy!"
Wife: "I hate you so much right now"
I called my wife and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home.
She just grunted. I think she regrets letting me name the twins.
Outdad my dad with this one. He messaged me today that our dog ate a packet of corn chips. I replied..
...Soon we are going to have poop corn.
And added that we might have a cereal killer living in our house.
Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.
They prided themselves in their stock options.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but due to the ongoing pandemic, would it be smart to stay at least 6ft away from the chips and dip when visiting a Mexican restaurant?
You know, Salsa Distancing.
What do you call a monk that loves chips?
A man walks into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm...
Man: Do you do fishcakes?
Fishmonger: no, I'm afraid not, sorry.
Man: Ah, that's a shame - it's his birthday today
I chipped my tooth on a stale French loaf.
I visited a monastery the other day and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips. I asked him "Are you the friar?"
He replied "No, I'm the chip monk..."
Get it? Cuz Pringles are chips?
What sound does a tortilla chip make when sneezing?
A monastery in Las Vegas kept getting chips in their donation box
It got so frustrating they decided to hire a chipmunk
What did the corn chips say to the thief?
I heard the government was putting chips inside of people.
Well mine better be sour cream and onion
I need a pun about chips for a Christmas gift
So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist.
My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking.
I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips...
'Are you the friar? ' I asked him.
'No, I am the chip monk' he replied.
Edit : Holy crap ! More than 1K updoots for a silly joke ? Thanks guys ! I am not sure whether to be proud or ashamed of myself.
I was hungry so I ate all my chips.
Everyone else at the poker game was not impressed.
I got my chips before I put my money into the vending machine
I guess it's out of order.
I just baked some fresh chocolate chip cookies
What do you call chips that you can catch?
Every time we go to the putting green, my friend has to bring along a bag of Pringles to munch on...
He always wants to practice his chipping.
What's a dog's favorite kind of potato chip?
There was a fight in the fish and chip shop
Did you hear about the fight at the fish and chip shop?
Five fish got battered and a bunch of chips were a-salted.
Of course, french fries are far too posh for us, we only do chips!
What brand of chips is slower than Internet Explorer?
Last night my wife says "Honey will you go get us some tortilla chips and cheese?"
I looked deep into her eyes and said
"I'm nacho delivery service. "
My grandson’s dad joke ( very proud grandfather) What kind of chips do you get at the airport?
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
What do ducks love with their tortilla chips?
I hear the givernment is putting chips in people.
Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.
Because she’s all dressed.
In Vegas, people can tithe by dropping casino chips in the offertory.
At the end of the weekend there is a Brother that goes around to all the casinos to cash them out and make a deposit.
He’s the Chip Monk.
I thought I dipped my tortilla chip into a bowl of cheese sauce, but it turned out to be honey mustard.
It was a queso mistaken identity.
I told my wife “Honey, there’s a chip in our new bowls!” She was not as impressed.
Did you know...
In Las Vegas there are more Catholic churches than casinos? Not surprisingly, many Sunday worshippers will give casino chips instead of cash when the offering plate is passed around. Since the churches get chips from so many different casinos, they have devised a way to collect the offerings. They send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting, and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.
Mashed up dates, chocolate chips, peanut butter, granola, almonds....delicious homemade granola bars
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
I love working at the chip factory...
But my boss really Lays in on me, and it Ruffles my feathers
My husband and I were eating chips when our toddler requested one. So he gave her a chip and she walked away.
A few minutes later she came back and my husband wasn’t paying attention so I said “give her another, dad.” And he responded with “what’s wrong with the dad she’s got?”
What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?
I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
What do you call a monkey that loves chips?
A hungry traveller stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where there was a brother frying chips.
"Are you the friar?" he asked.
The brother replied, "No, I'm the chip monk".
Did you hear that there was a big fight down at the fish and chips shop
The fish got battered and the chips got assaulted
Did you hear about the fight outside the chip shop the other day?
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