Request: going into business as a wedding celebrant, looking for business name suggestions that are punny and memorable
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︎ May 07 2021
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︎ Nov 25 2014
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︎ Sep 26 2014
I haven't moved a muscle in over a year. I thought it was nothing to celebrate.
Imagine my surprise when my doctor told me I was getting a trophy.
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︎ Jun 24 2021
Archaeologists are having a party to celebrate unearthing the largest ever dinosaur tibia
It's going to be quite the shindig
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︎ Jun 06 2021
My celebrity crush is Cate Blanchett
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︎ Jul 05 2021
Son's first good pun for Father's Day
My 7 year old son tries to tell puns, but he's really bad at it. After going to the zoo, he noticed that his right ear was itchy. Upon inspection, we noticed that the skin around his ear was flaking. We discussed if it was a sun burn, but he had been wearing a bucket hat all day. Without missing a beat he said:
I guess it has to be an "ear"itation. He even used air quotes. Proud moment for Father's Day!
Hope you had a great Father's Day as well!
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︎ Jun 20 2021
Why don't celebrities ever complain about being hot?
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︎ Jun 03 2021
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
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︎ May 30 2021
How do girl horses celebrate marriage?
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︎ Jun 25 2021
Why did the hotel manager get irritated with a chess team that was celebrating their win in the hotel lobby?
Because he doesn't like chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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︎ Jun 12 2021
What do ants celebrate in July?
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︎ Jun 22 2021
In honor of Motherβs Day, Iβd just like to say,
βthank you for your cervix.β
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︎ May 09 2021
How do celebrities stay cool?
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︎ Jun 05 2021
Did you know that Jehovah's Witnesses donβt celebrate Halloween?
Apparently they donβt like people knocking on their doors.
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︎ Apr 26 2021
If you couldn't celebrate 4/20 yesterday, you can celebrate it tomorrow instead.
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︎ Apr 21 2021
My wife and I just celebrated 10 years of happy marriage...
It was coincidentally our 30th wedding anniversary.
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︎ Feb 15 2021
If Kanye becomes president, how long till weβre celebrating Yeezster instead?
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︎ Apr 03 2021
Did you know that there's a whole religion of people that celebrate Pi day?
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︎ Mar 15 2021
Overheard at work: On my 40th birthday, I will be celebratingβ¦
The first anniversary of my 39th birthday.
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︎ Mar 15 2021
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Who is the most popular celebrity in Scandinavia?
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︎ Feb 16 2021
So the Pope is very early for his flight.
He asks his driver on his way to the airport if he could drive around for a while because they have time to kill and he hasn't driven a car since becoming the pope.
Naturally, he's a bit rusty, so he's driving poorly, when suddenly he sees police lights behind him. He pulls over and when the officer comes up to the window his eyes go wide. He says to the pope "Hold on for a minute," and goes back to his car to radio the chief.
Cop: "Chief we have a situation. I've pulled over an important figure."
Chief: "How important? A governor or something?"
Cop: "No sir. He's bigger."
Chief: "So, what? a celebrity or something?"
Cop: "More important, sir."
Chief: "A major politician?"
Cop: "No sir, he's much more important."
Chief: "WELL WHO IS IT!?"
Cop: "Well actually I'm not sure. But the pope's his driver."
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︎ Jun 22 2021
Lunar new year in Vietnam is celebrated with lion dances, dragon dances, fireworks, family gatherings and meals, ancestor worship, and giving red envelopes to children and the elderly.
Thank you for coming to my TαΊΏt talk.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
Where did the car thieves go to celebrate after a successful robbery?
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︎ Feb 01 2021
We canβt celebrate New Years because then...
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︎ Jan 01 2021
How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Lego land might reopen soon.
People are lining up for blocks.
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︎ May 07 2021
Day 7: What did the windmill say meeting her favourite celebrity
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︎ Jan 07 2021
People who celebrate Valentineβs Day are stupid
People who celebrate post Valentineβs Day are smart because you get more bang for your buck.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Which kind of Swiss cheese always celebrates its birthday?
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Where did the keys on a computer keyboard went to celebrate new years eve
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Star wars celebrity names
Apologies if this breaks the rules however. My friends and I are making up names of star wars characters combined with celebrity names. So far we've come up with Darth spader, sith rogan, and obi wan kobe.
Any others we cant think of?
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
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︎ Oct 17 2020
Hear the one about the celebrity Italian chef
Last night he just pasta way
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Who was the only celebrity with four body parts in his name?
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︎ Nov 26 2020
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.
We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.
Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.
Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"
And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
Excellent work, ought to be celebrated
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︎ Aug 22 2020
A Japanese zoo just celebrated the birth of a baby elephant
Before that nobody addressed the elephant in the womb.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
Me: going to my friends for new year's eve celebration
My dad: See you in a year.
Ps. It happens every damn time
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I went to the candle store to celebrate my cake day...
They were having a blowout sale.
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︎ Aug 13 2020
What's a bumblebee's favorite celebrity
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︎ Sep 23 2020
On the day my friends were hosting my birthday celebration, I had diarrhea.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My friend asked what I was doing to celebrate my cake day.
I sat silently because I had no re-torte
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︎ Nov 05 2020
If the cameramen who take photos of celebrities are the paparazzi...
then the cameramen who take photos of poor people are the pauperazzi
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︎ Nov 27 2020
A pirate wanted to celebrate his captainβs birthday, so he bought a large quantity of balloons while ashore. Back on the ship, he walked over to hand the balloons to the captain, but he tripped and most of them floated away. The captain said, βArrr! That was a costly mistake...β
βWe lost a lot of doubloons.β
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Who's the most dangerous celebrity?
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︎ Nov 15 2020
My wife broke up with me at the star wars celebration. An anakin cosplayer came up to me, put his hand on my shoulder, and said...
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm!
Yep. It's our bison-tennial.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
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