It’s my wife’s birthday soon and she’s been leaving jewelry catalogs all over the house.

She'll be happy to know I got the hint. I got her a magazine rack!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I made a book to catalog my hex logography

It’s my spell book

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strangermans
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
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This catalog must cater to stick people.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pdtecrj2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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Wife is looking at the catalog of tables...

W - I don't like black finish. M - Do you prefer black Norwegian?

Got a frown back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrzyRusski
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2017
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Why are there catalogs...

But no dogalogs?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dogbirddog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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An anthropologist was cataloging south american folk remedies with the assistance a local tribal elder who indicated the leaves of a particular fern were the best cure for constipation. The anthropologist had doubts.

But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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What do cats like to read?

Catalogs...my nephew told me this one today and I genuinely chuckled a little.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/enginerrsarekool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Going Shopping

Two rednecks were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.

One says to the other, 'Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?'

The second one replies, 'Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!'

The first one says, with wide eyes, 'Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one.'

The second one smiles and pats him on the back. 'Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too.'

Three weeks later, the youngest redneck asks his friend, 'Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?'

The second redneck replies, 'No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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What do you call a pile of cats?

A Meowtain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.

And put Mariah Carey on the cover

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
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Where do people go to find their feline of choice

A CATalog!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yungWilly2004
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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My friends grandfather asked Me if I wanted to see a picture of his "pride and joy"

When I said yes he pulled a picture of the cleaning products "pride" and "joy". The man carries these pictures in his wallet at all times.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2014
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I thought /r/puns might enjoy these

A couple puns.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."


There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

edit: just a bit of formatting showing difference from one pun the other

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-REDDlT-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2012
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A timely joke by my boss

Our receptionist collected the mail, and I overheard the following conversation.

Receptionist: Here's a catalog about clocks.. does anyone want to read it?

Boss: What? That'd be such a waste of time.

Boss then proceeded to smile as I bust out laughing in the other room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkingcarpet23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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The running jokes..

For a little background my dad enjoys the more vulgar jokes. Anyway, he often jokes about his "company." In fact every time he answers the phone he answers as if it's a call towards his company.

(He answers the phone) "Hello this is the Viiiiibrator Repair Service." Caller - "the what?" Dad - "This is Dick Phitzwell's Vibrator Repair Service, as of right now only the installation department is available."

It's not a joke really cause there's no funny punchline. The caller normally laughs and then carries on with the call.

Another one he likes, "What does an 80 year old woman taste like?

Depends.."

The other day we are at the beach. We're walking back to our vehicle and he's carrying his metal detector in his hands. Random beachgoer - "Did you find anything?" Dad - "No, unfortunately my battery went dead... just like my ex-wife's 'curling iron' under her pillow."

There's many many more. I'll have to catalog them in some form. Let me know if you'd like to hear the life and times of Dick Phitzwell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rentz3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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My dad wanted to know what microphone I'd recommend

He showed me his audio catalog and asked me for "sound advice".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bongsaway
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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Shopping with my wife

My wife was browsing a Boden catalog in the passenger seat while I was driving the car this morning. "I love everything in here," she said. "I want to just buy the catalog."

Incredulous, I ask: "Why pay for the catalog? It came for free in the mail!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajacksified
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2014
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Church Shirt

My dad always says this one when he sees someone wearing a knitted sweater or a shirt like this . Dad: "Is That your church shirt?" Stranger/anybody : uhhhhh... no? Dad: "Well its holy!" always followed by a chuckle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/antperspirant
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
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What do cows read?

Catalogs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/knifefire133
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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