“They’re going to be napping papers”
Me: "Are you roaring at me or is that a Lego monster?"
Her: "Its me."
Me: "Why are you roaring at me?"
Her: "Because I'm Aurora!"
My five year old daughter, everyone. She came up with that on her own. I've never felt more proud!
Attire
As he arrived, he decided to go fishing, so he did. But tragedy struck and his boat hit a rock, making a hole. The man, as anyone would do, called the coast guard and yelled "IM SINKING IM SINKING!"
the German Coast Guard casually replied, "what are you sinking about?"
They hate filthy casuals.
She gets too agitated.
I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.
So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word “legendary” is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, “No, legendary means super famous milk.” Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!
The tur-KEY.
Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.
And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.
To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.
He asked a lot of softball questions.
To minimise casual tees
Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.
Wife: What are you thinking?
Me: Business casual.
Netflix & chilldren
Son: Dad, where did I come from?
Dad: From my penis, son.
Son: Uh... Thanks?
Dad: You're Whale cum
It only took a million years.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the shit out of it.
My father is fond of jokes and pranks (even though I only pretend to laugh .-.) but there's this story that I always would genuinely laugh at whenever it is brought up. So here it goes...
We've always gone to Church every Sunday when we were kids and on one of those Sundays, my father decided to make my mother laugh by shaving only HALF of his beard. So while the other side has hair, the other is shaved. He casually walked up to my mother and asked if he looked good in his "new fashion style." My mother laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.
When that was over, we got ourselves ready and went to Church. While praying, there was a bunch of people looking at my father. He noticed that as soon as he looked at those people, they'd cover their face, bow their heads and walk away. He felt weird. So he got into this 'thinking position' where he had his hands to play with his beard. And that's when he realized...HE FORGOT TO SHAVE THE OTHER HALF AT HOME AND NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL WE GOT THERE. HAHAHHAHAHA He was so embarassed, he covered his whole face until mass was over.
That's all folks. Thank you for coming to my dad talks .
"Cow was your day?"
I'll be going as a Casualty
According to him, their first date was "A Casual tea"..
My father and I are sitting at the table . He's on his computer and suddenly....
Dad: Huh.
Me: What?
Dad: The Vatican is buying Chrysler.
Me: That's a little weird.
Dad: Yeah, they're rebranding as Jesus Chrysler.
groans
To minimize casual tees...
It's called a casual tea
My husband & myself having a casual conversation about rice.
Me: remember when I made that real good rice at the chili cook-off?
Him: uh, yeah sure, I guess.
Me: everyone said they liked it & It was the only rice there!
him: oh. I don't like rice. I'm a ricist.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I said uh oh casual-teas
My Wife (from Iran): Casually leaves my house without telling me.
Five hours Later:
My wife (from Iran): "I'm back!"
Me: "Where did you go?"
My wife (from Iran): "I RAN off to work"
Whats the difference between a man in a suit on a bike and a man in casual clothes on a tricycle?
Attire
We were having a conversation with our family about cooking, and my dad just casually said to my sister (who’s birthday it is tomorrow:) Hey how do you like your eggs?
Sis: well if you’re talking about breakfast I like them sunny side up! Dad: Oh, well I like them in cake.
I instantly cracked up, and everyone else took a minute. It must be because I’m in culinary school.
I love you dad.
So a bus conductor in America was doing his job one day, happily printing and checking tickets all day long, enjoying the country views and feeling good about life.
A young lad gets on, chewing gum and being as loud and rude as all teenage lads are. There’s no-one else on the bus, so the conductor takes his ticket machine and bops the lad over the head, killing him. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.
He gets his job back and puts the whole incident behind him. Until one day, a little old lady gets on the bus and starts to pay for a ticket in one cent coins. After about 10 minutes of fiddling with change, the conductor runs out of patience and bops the old lady on the head, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.
After getting his job back again, life seems to go well for the conductor, until one day a young lady gets on the bus, casually putting her feet on the seat opposite. By now, the conductor is a little less lenient than in years gone by, so he takes his ticket machine and bops her over the head with it, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.
On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards ar
... keep reading on reddit ➡Reading a newspaper, casually turn to my little sister and ask "can you help me with a crossword puzzle? The clue is Postman's bag"
Her: "how many letters?"
Me: "LOADS OF THEM!"
There were a lot of casual tees.
They suffered heavy casual tees.
There were many casual tees.
Attire
To minimize casual tees
To minimize casual tees
A casual tea
To minimise casual tees
