Formal vs Casual
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What’s the difference between a guy with formal wear on a bicycle and a guy with casual wear on a unicycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teriyaki_sauced
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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Just casual exchange with coworker in the health field.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/funkyunicorn12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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My wife hates it when I wash delicates on the casual setting...

She gets too agitated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Only some casual racism
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_finch07
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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What comes from unprotected casual hook-ups?

Netflix & chilldren

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YVRJon
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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I’m glad that casual hyperboles are on their way out.

It only took a million years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jkeel_v2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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How does a farmer being a casual conversation near the end of the day?

"Cow was your day?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slyismylife54321
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2016
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casual conversations about rice

My husband & myself having a casual conversation about rice.

Me: remember when I made that real good rice at the chili cook-off?

Him: uh, yeah sure, I guess.

Me: everyone said they liked it & It was the only rice there!

him: oh. I don't like rice. I'm a ricist.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notjane
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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We are putting away our unused Christmas gift wrap materials, and my son casually comments

β€œThey’re going to be napping papers”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jepoid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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My five year old daughter, wearing a Sleeping Beauty dress, casually playing with Legos: "ROAR ROAR ROARRRR!"

Me: "Are you roaring at me or is that a Lego monster?"

Her: "Its me."

Me: "Why are you roaring at me?"

Her: "Because I'm Aurora!"

My five year old daughter, everyone. She came up with that on her own. I've never felt more proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/someredditorguy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Supermilk

I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.

So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word β€œlegendary” is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, β€œNo, legendary means super famous milk.” Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damark81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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The key to a great Thanksgiving dinner is...

The tur-KEY.

Also, the key to a fun visit to the zoo is the mon-key.

And the key to a great science fiction movies is a Woo-key.

To ensure the maximum amount of eye-rolls, casually drop these into the conversation several minutes apart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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TIL of Private First Class, Francis Liptonβ€” an American soldier in the Revolutionary war. Who invented a delicious new beverage while fighting at Valley Forge.

It was the first known casual tea of war.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaw-Deez
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Why does the military insist on wearing a uniform?

To minimise casual tees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/severus_snape9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I was casually interviewed by an athletics coach today.

He asked a lot of softball questions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/conundrumbombs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
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Leaf it out
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ll4m4bell
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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A Panda Walks into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.

The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.

He approaches the panda regardless and asks, β€œWhat can I get you?”

The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.

The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.

The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.

But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.

The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, β€œWhy?”

The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.

The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It says…

β€œPanda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Donorob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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Just found this casually scrolling through my feed. Enjoy this until this gets taken down
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greengo122
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2018
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Been a dad 5 mo, so I’m a little new to this... Hit my wife with this one tonight at dinner.

Me: Dinner is served as soon as you dress the salad.

Wife: What are you thinking?

Me: Business casual.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VoiceofLou
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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A whale and his son are swimming casually in the ocean.

Son: Dad, where did I come from?

Dad: From my penis, son.

Son: Uh... Thanks?

Dad: You're Whale cum

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maax42_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.

He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the shit out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Dad jokes...on him

My father is fond of jokes and pranks (even though I only pretend to laugh .-.) but there's this story that I always would genuinely laugh at whenever it is brought up. So here it goes...

We've always gone to Church every Sunday when we were kids and on one of those Sundays, my father decided to make my mother laugh by shaving only HALF of his beard. So while the other side has hair, the other is shaved. He casually walked up to my mother and asked if he looked good in his "new fashion style." My mother laughed so hard she couldn't breathe.

When that was over, we got ourselves ready and went to Church. While praying, there was a bunch of people looking at my father. He noticed that as soon as he looked at those people, they'd cover their face, bow their heads and walk away. He felt weird. So he got into this 'thinking position' where he had his hands to play with his beard. And that's when he realized...HE FORGOT TO SHAVE THE OTHER HALF AT HOME AND NO ONE NOTICED UNTIL WE GOT THERE. HAHAHHAHAHA He was so embarassed, he covered his whole face until mass was over.

That's all folks. Thank you for coming to my dad talks .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thecember
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt

I'll be going as a Casualty

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rewind44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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My Dad has always been a Fabrication head at a lift company and my mum is a retired nurse..

According to him, their first date was "A Casual tea"..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PILEoSHEET
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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YSK: Drinking tea while being too relaxed can kill you

It's called a casual tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZZiyan_11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
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As my dad casually dropped this on me

My father and I are sitting at the table . He's on his computer and suddenly....

Dad: Huh.

Me: What?

Dad: The Vatican is buying Chrysler.

Me: That's a little weird.

Dad: Yeah, they're rebranding as Jesus Chrysler.

groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zabruki
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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Yesterday I saw tea bags laying on the floor

I said uh oh casual-teas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/owlurk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Why does the blonde keep her shoes in a cage?

Because the shoes say "Puma"!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xxGandhiLover
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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Iran

My Wife (from Iran): Casually leaves my house without telling me.

Five hours Later:

My wife (from Iran): "I'm back!"

Me: "Where did you go?"

My wife (from Iran): "I RAN off to work"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Delete_Myself
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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Attire

Whats the difference between a man in a suit on a bike and a man in casual clothes on a tricycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolasianboy69420
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
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That was Egg-celent, Dad

We were having a conversation with our family about cooking, and my dad just casually said to my sister (who’s birthday it is tomorrow:) Hey how do you like your eggs?

Sis: well if you’re talking about breakfast I like them sunny side up! Dad: Oh, well I like them in cake.

I instantly cracked up, and everyone else took a minute. It must be because I’m in culinary school.
I love you dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrGorilla54
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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The long game

So a bus conductor in America was doing his job one day, happily printing and checking tickets all day long, enjoying the country views and feeling good about life.

A young lad gets on, chewing gum and being as loud and rude as all teenage lads are. There’s no-one else on the bus, so the conductor takes his ticket machine and bops the lad over the head, killing him. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.

On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.

He gets his job back and puts the whole incident behind him. Until one day, a little old lady gets on the bus and starts to pay for a ticket in one cent coins. After about 10 minutes of fiddling with change, the conductor runs out of patience and bops the old lady on the head, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.

On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards arrive to escort him to the chair. As the executioner flicks the switch, nothing happens. All of the equipment is checked and works, but has no effect on the bus conductor. Under the law, this counts as a reprieve and he is released.

After getting his job back again, life seems to go well for the conductor, until one day a young lady gets on the bus, casually putting her feet on the seat opposite. By now, the conductor is a little less lenient than in years gone by, so he takes his ticket machine and bops her over the head with it, killing her. As expected, the Police arrest him. He goes through the legal process, a trial and admits his guilt, however the judge decides that they’re making an example of him and give him the sentence of death by the electric chair.

On Death row, he requests 5lbs of bananas for his last meal, which is duly brought and consumed. As he finishes, the guards ar

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BloodAngel1982
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
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Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap.

There were a lot of casual tees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2018
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Riots broke out at the thickest shirt competition...

They suffered heavy casual tees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HandCrimped
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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A bombing happened in a clothes store.

There were many casual tees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nm3sis
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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Hot Tea: people die during wars

I guess that’s just casual tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jc123ucme
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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What's the difference between a guy with a formal wear on a bycicle and a guy with casual wear on a unicycle:

Attire

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0theoneandonly0
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Why is the military so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmarSB2001
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2018
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Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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My first date with an Emergency department nurse was...

A casual tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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Why is the Army so strict on uniforms?

To minimise casual tees

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imnotafanoftoast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2017
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