Brevity

Me: I used to enjoy going to the bar, but it was brief. Dad: I don't wear briefs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/30milesofwhores
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2013
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Ba dum tsscough

My wife: (coughs)

Me: (stares at her)

Her: I have the coronavirus

Me: don't say that

Her: it was a joke

Me: that's a sick joke

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Talk is cheaper when the story is good

https://preview.redd.it/pxoh5zj9c2a31.png?width=564&format=png&auto=webp&s=2c8ea6c5e56b45b1bbeb9a2abe64d3c9e7269b58

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_keter_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
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My wife took a vacation day to carry her pet lizard around town in her handbag...

It's a purse anole day for her.

Credit: Brevity by Dan Thompson for May 02, 2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
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Two men are working on a shipping boat headed to Ireland...

They are both quality control managers and are instructed to check on the product before leaving.

They go below deck and open on of the boxes, and inside are hundreds of potatoes. One of them picks one up and notices that it’s a very odd shape for a potato. He picks up another and is also perplexed by its peculiarity.

He picks up a third and realizes that they are all shaped like penises. He says to his friend β€œI don’t think we can work on this ship with all these penis potatoes.”

So they go up to the captains quarters to quit. When they arrive they say β€œCaptain, we cant work on this ship. We would like to get off.”

He looks them in the eye and says, β€œI’m sorry gentlemen. This isn’t a democracy. It’s a dictatorship.”

β€”

Originally read on r/jokes , but reworded for brevity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RefrigeratorRock
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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