I had to break up with this girl who just would not stop counting.
I wonder what she’s up to now.
If a redhead suffers a psychotic break...
Is that considered a Ginger Snap???
A robber breaks into a bank
When he arrives he sees the security guard at his desk, sobbing
“I c-can’t believe the boss forgot my b-b-birthday”
Seeing this opportunity, the thief sneaks round to the back steals the security codes and goes to access the vault.
Unfortunately for the thief, the head of the bank was busy giving a tour to some possible investors and is at the vault.
Upon seeing the thief (who is stupidly dressed in horizontal black and white stripes) he exclaims, “HOW DID YOU GET PAST MY SECURITY!!?!”
To which the thief replies, “You let your guard down”
Breaking news!
An industrial accident has happened at the name changing offices. police reports say twelve injured, two deb.
I received a break-up note from a quarter.
Met a beautiful girl over Spring Break in Mexico, but she constantly talked about the end of the world.
What do you call a teacher that would never break wind in public?
There was a break in at an office block recently. Many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
Breaking news!!!
600 dead, as bus returning from clown college topples off cliff.
"I caught two men in balaclavas breaking into my house last night," said my friend. "But they got away sadly."
"How do you know they were sad if they were wearing balaclavas?" I asked.
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
What do you do if a Greek vase breaks?
TIL the meaning when someone says "Break a leg."
They're hoping you're gonna be in a cast.
Did you hear about Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend breaking into an animal shelter and releasing a bunch of huskies into the wild??
Turns out it was The Who that let the dogs out
Breaking news: Fire at Circus
Fire chief says it’s pretty in tents
Ain’t nothing but a heart break
What happens when a frog’s car breaks down?
I saw another coworker using the mayonnaise with my name on it from the fridge in the break room.
I said to him, “What the Hellman?”
What type of battery do you need if your car breaks down?
“Well, this thing’s all screwed!” Wife shouts as the leg breaks off my handmade dining table today.
“Dang!” I replied. “I really thought I’d nailed it.”
Whenever my dad is stressed, he breaks into hives.
I don’t know why he takes it out on bees.
I caught a man trying to break into my house last night. He was wearing football pads, swimming trunks, ice skates and holding a baseball bat.
I said, “Oi, what’s your game?”
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
Why did the girl break up with a guy who paid for everything with ten dollar bills?
I’ve being breaking a lot of records recently...
I would have broken more if they didn’t kick me out of the music store.
What do you call it when you break a headstone?
Why did the ice cream sundae break up?
Why is it hard to break into Scotland?
[At dinner] Her: I think we need to break up. For starters, I’m sick of your awful jokes at the worst times.
Me: Ok, and for the main course?
Did you hear about the workaholic cop who got handcuffed by his colleagues because he refused to take a lunch break?
At first I thought breaking up with an egg would be hard...
Breaking news: Elton John has bought a treadmill for his pet rabbit.
“It’s a little fit bunny.”
I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'
Until I fell into a printing press.
Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
If killing a man is homicide
is killing a friend homiecide
I used to date three coconuts but had to break up with them
They were a little shy for my liking
why did the magician's girlfriend break up with him?
Cause he never revealed any of his secrets.
I would love to get paid to sleep.
What do you call a guy whose car breaks down on his way to meeting his lover?
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down ??
Why do we tell actors "to break a leg?"
Because every show has a cast!
BREAKING: Iran has struck its own submarine with an underwater torpedo in the Persian Gulf, killing all 350 aboard
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because there's always a cast
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