Breakfast Roll Puns

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

“Well” said Jeff, “As I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

“Yes of course” replied Trevor

I drove up to the local drive thru this morning to get breakfast for myself and the kids and one of my daughter's older friends was working the window. She had a sign on the window that said "Need 5's Please!" When she put her hand out for payment, I turned it around and gave her an enthusiastic high 5. She asked "Why did you do that?" I pointed to the sign. She rolled her eyes. My daughter shrunk down into her seat, facepalming. I drove home beaming.

Having breakfast with the family and telling them I'm not feeling well this morning.

Me: "I've got a sore throat and my voice is kind of raspy. I think I'm a pony."

Daughter: tilts head and looks quizzically at me. "huh?"

Me: "You know, a little horse."

Wife: rolls eyes...

I was helping my fiancée decide on something for breakfast:

Me: Would you like a banana?

Her: I don't really feel like a banana.

Me: Good, because you are a human.

Cue the eye roll.

Scene.

We just went out for breakfast and this was the exchange between my boys:

M- Ahh jeez! These cinnamon rolls are hot!"

J- "...Well, yeah? That's just how cinnamon rolls"

M- sigh "yeah?"

We were at The Contemporary resort in Disney World waiting to be called for our breakfast reservation, when my wife points out this scale model of a Disney cruise ship. We walk up to it and I say "wow, would you look at that! It's a lot smaller than I thought it would be, though..."

My wife rolled her eyes. Our first is due in April.

So I brought in kolaches to the office this morning for breakfast. For those that don't know, they're basically bread rolls filled with egg, cheese and whatever else you want. One of my coworkers started talking about how they reminded him of some kind of cake "with M&Ms in it."

Except English isn't his first language, so he was saying it a little weird.

Him: "You can't bake a cake with M&M in it."

Me: "'Cause you'd kill him."

There was absolutely no reaction whatsoever, so I can't tell if people were just ignoring my awful joke or if just nobody heard me.

Myself and my wife and our youngest son went for breakfast this morning and she spotted a Dyson bladeless fan on the counter pointed towards the kitchen. 'Oh look, they've got one of those Dyson fans', she says. Obligatory Dad reply 'That's kinda cool...'. 'Oh my God', with rolled eyes and attempt to hide behind her menu while I crack up laughing.

Making breakfast, say to my fiancée "I'm making puncakes, I think you'd batter have some." After she rolled her eyes at me, I complete the trifecta with "sorry, I do waffle on some times"

While I was eating breakfast my roommate came out and asked, "Can I use your hair dryer? Mine sucks."

To which I, of course, have to respond, "Shouldn't it blow?"

She only rolled her eyes and walked away. I think this might have something to do with why she avoids me in public places.