Anyone here ever read Anthony bourdains biography on becoming a chef?

It’s quite stirring

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👤︎ u/post-ale
📅︎ Feb 03 2021
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What do Abraham Lincoln biographies and Instagram promoters have in common?

Lincoln bio.

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👤︎ u/emagdaleno
📅︎ Nov 03 2020
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I just read a biography on the life of a dumbbell...

It was full of ups and downs.

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👤︎ u/torecchio
📅︎ May 10 2020
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Working titles for Mark Twain's biography

Somebody please write Mark Twain's biography and please title it either "Making a Mark" or "Unraveling Twain" I don't care which.

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👤︎ u/DeVoro_1
📅︎ Feb 29 2020
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What did the orange name its biography?

Pulp Non-Fiction.

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📅︎ May 21 2020
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Nobody bought my biography

That's the story of my life

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📅︎ Oct 07 2019
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If someone writes a biography about American Defense Secretary Jim Mattis they should call it...

Life in General

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📅︎ Jan 18 2019
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I am reading a biography of Michael Jackson.

It seems like he had a colored past.

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📅︎ Dec 09 2018
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A man who died in combat wrote his own biography

He was the ghost writer

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📅︎ May 04 2019
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They're creating a biography series of famous race horses

They're calling it 'Hooves Who'.

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👤︎ u/Lenzar86
📅︎ Dec 01 2018
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Steve Jobs biography should have been called "MacBook"

Was gonna put this in r/showerthoughts but... "No puns"

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👤︎ u/dbhp97
📅︎ Mar 19 2015
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What do you call a 1 legged Fox?

Terry

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📅︎ Jan 24 2021
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What do you call it when a car writes its life story?

An auto-biography!

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📅︎ Sep 21 2020
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My english teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.

I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.

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👤︎ u/moonxmochi
📅︎ Jul 03 2020
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I think automation is hurting our economy...

When I write my life story, it will be a manual biography!

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📅︎ Feb 13 2020
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Algy and the Bear

Algy and the Bear, a poem recited in Ziegfeld Follies by Red Skelton using his J. Newton Numbskull character:

>Algy saw a bear,
The bear saw Algy,
The bear was bulgy,
The bulge was Algy!

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Nov 19 2019
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She's penny wise

Lou Costello: There’s only one problem with our romance; She’s penny wise.

Bud Abbott: Marilyn’s penny wise?

Lou Costello: Yeah, I ain’t got a penny and she’s wise to it!

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Nov 10 2019
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I prefer chem
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👤︎ u/adfroman23
📅︎ Jan 22 2015
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Abbott and Costello talk about Lou's new dog

(From Abbott and Costello’s radio show, December 30, 1943)
Lou Costello: Oh, Abbott, the worst thing just happened to me!
Bud Abbott: No!
Lou Costello: Yeah, Mrs. Niles gave me a dog for a Christmas present, and the dog just took a great big bite out of me!
Bud Abbott: Where did he bite you?
Lou Costello: Well, if I’d have been wearing a license plate, he’d have gotten the last three numbers.
Bud Abbott: Where did this happen?
Lou Costello: Well, let me see, where did this happen — in a crowded streetcar. It was the first time I ever gave my seat to a dog.
Bud Abbott: Well, never mind that. What kind of a dog did Mrs. Niles give you?
Lou Costello: Do you remember that famous dog, Strongheart?
Bud Abbott: Yes, I remember Strongheart.
Lou Costello: Well, this is his brother — Weak Stomach.
Bud Abbott: Listen, I’m not talking about that. What is the dog’s breed?
Lou Costello: What does he breed? He breeds through his nose, like you and me!
Bud Abbott: No, no, no, you dummy, what kind of dog is he? Spitz?
Lou Costello: No, but he drools a little.
Bud Abbott: Look, there are different types of dogs, such as Setters, and Pointers, …
Lou Costello: That’s it, Abbott! He’s a Setter-Pointer!
Bud Abbott: A Setter-Pointer?
Lou Costello: Yeah, he sets all day and points at the icebox! (Editor’s note: we now call an “icebox” a “refrigerator”)

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Nov 03 2019
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Gertrude and Heathcliff see an airplane

Red Skelton:   Heathcliff and Gertrude are flying along when all of the sudden an airplane goes whizzing by .

Gertrude says to Heathcliff, €œGood heavens! Did you see how fast that bird was going? €

Heathcliff says, €œSo what? If your tail feathers were on fire, you’d be going that fast too! €

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Oct 02 2019
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What's your forte?

From the Red Skelton radio show, with Red playing Bolivar Shagnasti, interviewing a new performer for his circus

Lady: I’m a performer.

Red Skelton: What’s your forte?

Lady: Pardon?

Red Skelton: Your forte.

Lady: No, I’m only 39.

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Oct 07 2019
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Red Skelton on excercise

From comedian and film star  Red Skelton:

“Exercise? I get it on the golf course.

When I see my friends collapse, I run for the paramedics. ”

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Oct 03 2019
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Loan me 50 dollars

One of the classic  Abbott and Costello  routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money.  The skit ends with a simple ‘read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill.  This routine was done  many  times, both in the movies and their radio show.

Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10  
Lou Costello: Ok, I’ll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for?
Lou Costello: 50
Bud Abbott: How much did you give me?
Lou Costello: 40.
Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.
Lou Costello: That’s right.  [Pause] But you owe me 40.
Bud Abbott: Don’t change the subject.
Lou Costello: I’m not changing the subject; you’re trying to change my finances. Come on, Abbott give me my $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, there’s your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me.
Lou Costello: I’m paying you on account.
Bud Abbott: On account?
Lou Costello: On account I don’t know how I owe it to ya.
Bud Abbott: That’s the way you feel about it, that’s the last time I ask you for a loan of $50.
Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. All I got is 30.
Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and you’ll owe me 20.
Lou Costello: Ok. This is getting worse all the time. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20.
Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt?
Lou Costello: I’m not running in, you’re pushing me!1
Bud Abbott: I can’t help it if you can’t handle your finances. I do all right with my money.
Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too.
Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 20 and 30 is 50.
Lou Costello: No. No. No. 25 and 25 is 50.
Bud Abbott: All right, here’s your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. Fine guy, won’t loan a pal $50.

... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Sep 05 2019
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You're 40, she's 10

You’re 40, she’s 10 – A classic  Abbott and Costello skit, where  Bud Abbott tries to play a prank on  Lou Costello, only for Lou to use his clownish math skills.

Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): You’re 40 years old and you’re in love with this little girl that’s 10 years old. You’re four times as old as that girl and you couldn’t marry her, could you?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Not unless I come from the mountains.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): All right- you’re 40 years-old, you’re four times as old as this girl, and you can’t marry her, so you wait five years. By that time the little girl’s 15 and you’re 45. You’re only three times as old as that little girl. So you wait 15 years and when the girl is 30, you’re at 60. You’re only twice as old as that little girl.
📷****Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): She’s catching up.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Yes, yes. Now here’s the question. How long do you have to wait until you and that little girl are the same age?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): Now what kinda question is that? That’s ridiculous!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Ridiculous or not, answer the question.
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): If I wait for that girl she’ll pass me up. She’ll wind up older than I am.
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): What are you talking about?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): She’ll have to wait for me!
Slicker Smith (Bud Abbott): Why should she wait for you?
Herbie Brown (Lou Costello): …I was nice enough to wait for her!

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Sep 04 2019
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Willie Lump Lump and the Mongoose

Many years ago,  Red Skelton  told the following joke using his inebriate character, Willie Lump Lump.

Willie explained to the young lady, “I keep a mongoose in my coat pocket.   That way, when I go home after drinking, and there are snakes all over the lawn of my yard, I let the mongoose loose and he kills them all, so it’s safe for me to enter the house.”

The young woman sadly tried to explain, “I’ve got news for you, Mr. Lump Lump, those snakes are imaginary!”

Willie Lump Lump replied, “I’ve got news for  you, so is the mongoose!”

http://red-skelton.info/articles/jokes/willie-lump-lump-and-the-mongoose/

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Sep 05 2019
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My dad and I walked into Barnes and Noble today...

On the display there was a book called "The Smartest Guy in the Room." My dad turned to me and said "I should sue, I didn't give them permission to do a biography of me. "

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📅︎ Feb 11 2014
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The other day I read a book titled ‘Spycatcher’

It was a biography of Moe Berg.

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👤︎ u/Rossum81
📅︎ Feb 09 2018
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Just one minute ago, this one graced my ears

I was talking with my mom about books. I said I rarely read fiction, if I would want fiction's, I'd watch a movie or play a videogame. My mom said she only likes biographies, but "not the ones by different authors, but by the subjects themselves". To which I said:

"You mean autobiographies?"

When my father decided to chime in the topic:

"I'd rather read bicyclebiographies"

me: "what do you mean?"

him: "the opposite".

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👤︎ u/FelixR1991
📅︎ Oct 11 2013
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Two Tens for a Five

A classic  Abbott and Costello routine, from their first movie,  One Night in the Tropics, where  Bud Abbott shows that he’s not above running a quick scam on his friend,  Lou Costello, in order to make a few dollars.

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👤︎ u/tfraymond
📅︎ Sep 03 2019
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