People think just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, I should walk around carrying a big old boom box on my shoulder.

But I refuse to go with that stereotype.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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When i turned 18 My dad gave me a BIG birthday gift, it wasn't that heavy - i opened it and saw an empty box.. "but dad, it's empty?"

"yes, you can start packing your stuff tommorow"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/laugeba
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
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Someone: "If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14 day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19"

My response: "144? That's a gross"

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jazzywaffles84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Crime is getting worse where I live, so my dad decided to give me some protection and boxed up his trusty 9mm, a big and a small clip and a bunch of shells for me! [Xpost /r/funny]

https://imgur.com/2ylrnpK

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lindymad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2016
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What would someone from Boston call a big pile of boxes of chewing gum?

A mass o'chew sets.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Dress code
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luccebest1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2018
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I ordered some big metal letters.

I wanted to make a sign that said "YOU & ME". So, I ordered some big metal letters.

When they arrived, the box was very damaged. I checked if everything was there, but the iron E was lost on me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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Jaundice setup

I officially became a father a few days ago! My sweet daughter has a some jaundice so we've had to stay in the hospital a few more days for treatment.

The nurse lugged I a big box and said "we are going start light therapy"

Me "looks heavy"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnsonmd
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.

Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, β€œHoney, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, β€œTomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. β€œWell, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”

β€œNo, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

β€œWell, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. β€œHer name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”

β€œBatteries?” cried the wife.

β€œYes,” he replied. β€œShe sells C cells by the Seashore.”

πŸ‘︎ 91
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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Why isn't amateurfanity a word?

There is profanity. However, pro- is short professional, and very few people actually cuss for a living (like maybe rappers, boxing/wrestling announcers and comedians). I'm sure nobody is getting paid when they stub their toe and let out a big long string of cuss words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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old maths teacher joke

Our teacher used to love that joke - 25 years ago...

.

A veteran maths teacher on a crap state-paid salary leaves his local mall and heads for his battered old car. When he has nearly reached it, he sees a big, expensive, luxury vehicle pulling into a parking spot nearby, and when the driver gets out he recognises him as one of the stupidest students he ever had.

He approaches him and the two get chating; and it turns out the guy buys and sells specialised cardboard-boxes which companies use to ship delicate goods in.

Finally the teacher says: "You really seem to have done well for yourself. I must admit that I am a bit surprised. Because you never really were all that talented in shool, were you?"

And the guy smiles and answers: "Yes, well, you know, there is not that much too it, really. I buy cardboard boxes for 1 dollar a piece, and I sell them for 4 dollars a piece. And I live off that 3% profit margin."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrugulus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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Fred was told by a monk to live in the present

So he climbed into a big box and got it wrapped up with a bow on top.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TDN-ThickDickNick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
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Got my wife with this one

I ordered a l dry erase calendar from Amazon, and it arrived today. My wife got the package asked me "Honey, did you order something off of Amazon?" Me "oh yeah, it's my penis enlarger" Her "ha ha. It's a really big box" Me "damnit, they sent the wrong thing"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZippymcOswald
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2017
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When your dad misses no opportunity for a joke

So, my dad could be considered a regular jokester. He had his dad jokes, his dirty jokes, clean but provocative joke, setup jokes, everything. He never missed a chance to turn something into a joke for hinself, even, and perpahs especially, if it only amused himself. I found out at an young age that no situation is too serious for him.

I was around 9 years old and I was in the cub scouts, and it was box car derby season. I was in the dining room, carving away at my block of wood when the blade in my right hand skipped the wood and carved my left thumb. It fucking hurt and bled like a sonofabitch. I immediately starting screaming and my dad raced into the room and found me covered in blood, my left hand now with two thumbs. We get it wrapped and he drives me to the emergency room. By the time we got there the bleeding had stopped and I have stopped crying. As we pull up, my dad looks st me, shakes his head and says "We can't go in there like this, we'll end up waiting forever to see a doctor. You need to cry once we're in there and that'll help" I said ok, and he said as we were walking up, "I'll give you a signal to start crying." How will i know, i asked him snd he just said i'll know. We go inside and walk up to the admittance desk. I'm short, so at the time my head just cleared the desk. My dad tells the nurse that we have a cut, and need to see a doctor right away. The nurse pushes paperwork at him and he tells her again, this time that its a real bad cut. The nurse finally looks at me for the first time and she frowns, because im relatively normal looking, even though im hurting and nervous, waiting for my dads signal. My dad pulls me back a bit and her eyes widen really big when she sees all the dried blood caked on the lower left side of my body. She starts getting excited and says "Ohmygoshohmygosh" over and over and this point im starting to get scared when my Dad, in a serious voice says "Its even worse than it looks! You're going to have to take the whole hand!"

Then I start crying.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBossOfWhat
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2017
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So the UPS truck came today...

Dad: Looks like I've got a huge package!

Three seconds Later

Dad: And check out this big box that came in the mail!

πŸ‘︎ 102
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconStorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2014
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Easter themed dad joke

Yesterday at work one of my colleagues brought in a big box of mini eggs for us.

The guy at the desk next to me opened a pack and started sorting them by colour.

'Dan', I said. 'You can't do that!'

'Why not?' he replied.

'It's eggregation!'

Cue groans from the office.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShinyJaker
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
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Guest got me at work

I was working in electronics at a local big box store, when this guy comes in and asks where the new Adele CD is. So, I start looking.

Me: Now if I were adele, where would I be...?

Him: Probably in a deli.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wyathew10
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2015
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Topical

Was at CostCo (big box store) with the wife.

Wife: "Since there's only two of us tonight, I thought I'd by a rack of lamb for dinner. That way we can each have half of a rack."

Me (with no hesitation): "Just like ISIS."

Wife: :|

Me: :D

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KenderJ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
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Got my wife REALLY good

We're in the process of packing up our house to move to a new one. So we have a ton of boxes from Home Depot on the side that are labeled "Home Depot moving boxes".

So she looks and says "I know you're supposed to use these really small boxes for books. But what are you supposed to use these really big ones for?"

My response: "Well, it says on the side they're used for moving."

She looked like she wanted to throttle me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zero44
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2014
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My friends dad dropped this joke.

My friend found a box of moth balls in his dads motorcycle bags.

Friend's dad: So this is a moth ball, must be one big moth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howley7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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Happy Holidays Edition

I was over at a friend's house a couple of weeks ago when his dad stopped by. I've had this friend for twenty years, and his father knew me since I was a wee lad. All of the Christmas decorations are strewn through the neighborhood, including my friends neighbors house whose yard is filled with these 4 foot tall wrapped Christmas gifts adorned with colorful lights. My friend's dad looked out the window and saw the boxes. "Say, your neighbors left some pretty big presents out in the yard." My friend replies, "You should take 'em, save money on your. Christmas shopping." His dad instantly says, "They might be too big to fit in my car. Although, they do look pretty...light."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murmur322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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Granddad joke at Thanksgiving

My grandfather tells me this every year.

"My father once caught a turtle so he could make turtle soup that night. He put the turtle in a box to bring it home. He first stopped at the bar to see his buddies. His one buddy asks, 'Hey what's in the box?' He replies, 'I caught a turtle, a big one too.' He opens the box to show the turtle and asks his buddy what he thinks. His friend takes one look and says, 'That isn't a turtle.' My father caught a damn rock."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icetorque
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2013
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