what do you call it when apes battle?

gorilla warfare.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mr_samouri_man
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
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Why are French bakers so feared in battle?

They're bread for pain

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/umikomorebi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 05 2021
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What do you call a serrated weapon that Polish people once used in battle?

A Warsaw.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2021
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I started reading this great book about the relationship between military battles and green vegetables.

It’s called War and Peas.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
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Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are locked in battle, and Vader says to Luke, "I know what you're getting for Christmas." Luke says, "No, that's impossible, how could that be?" Vader leans in closer, their lightsabers crackling under the pressure, and he replies...

I felt your presents!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 46
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CoddiwomplingRandall
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 24 2020
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The battle raged on for almost a yarrr
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Davebelieves
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 11 2020
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Most people consider the Battle of Gettysburg the turning point of the American Civil War

For the Confederacy, it all went South from there

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/speedoc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
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Get in a pun battle with me, and I’ll have to put on my...
πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Buglepost
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 25 2020
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With all the personal battles we had to go through last year

I guess we can finally say 2020 won :/

Happy new year people!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/LAL99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
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After a long and difficult battle with 2020, unfortunately...

2021

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Said_It_in_Reddit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2021
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I heard that it was very foggy during the last battle of WWII

The Germans could nazi each other

πŸ‘οΈŽ 36
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ZuluWarlord69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
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Nobody expected this Knight in the battle.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 107
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/atreyudevil
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 31 2020
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What can a hip hop battle rapper use for protection against the harshest rhymes?

Bubble rap

πŸ‘οΈŽ 21
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
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Battle for superiority
πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 25 2020
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What do you call a rap battle between two lizards? A reptile diss function
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2020
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I keep having this dream about a horse in full battle armor.

Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2019
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What would you call your knee if it engages in a rap battle? Disney
πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hellgirlxoxo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
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What do you call a cooking battle between a Spaniard and a Jamaican

A jerk off

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NickHilbe
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2020
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TIL there was a cow caught in the crossfire of one of the WWII battles.

It’s rarely mentioned by historians though because it was only considered cow-lateral damage.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/I-Fucked-YourMom
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 02 2020
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In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..

"Where are the reinforcemints"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 406
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/rictusbb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2019
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This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/capitolpuns
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2020
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Who was the Knight that was caught off guard in the battle field?

Sir Prise

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hey_peky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 21 2020
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5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
πŸ‘οΈŽ 958
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Malian_Carver
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2018
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What do you call a prearranged rap battle?

A diss appointment.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 57
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2019
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Check out the battle scar on my arm. Made from scratch.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gradymegalania
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 13 2019
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How does a squid go into battle?

Well armed.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2020
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After a lengthy court battle with British Airways Luggage Handlers...

I sadly lost my case.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/great_red_dragon
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 12 2019
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What did the German General say after the biggest battle in WW 1?

Verdun here...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ddgoodman92
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
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Did you hear about the soldier who lost one foot in a battle, and fought on, only to lose his other foot as well?

He was finally defeeted.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 289
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/wimple007
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2018
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A 7-year-old boy is sitting in court during his parents' custody battle.

He shows up wearing an Ottawa Senators jersey, so the judge asks "Are you a Sens fan?" The boy nods his head.

During the custody battle, he is later asked if he wants to live with his mom. His reply is "No, she beats me when drunk."

The judge asks in shock, "Okay, what about your father?"

The boy replies, "But he beats me every day when he comes home from a bad work day!"

With no other options, the jude states "We will have to send you to a foster home." The boy protests.

"Well, who do you want to live with?" the judge asks.

The boy thinks a moment and says ,"The Ottawa Senators. They're nice to people in need, and they don't beat anybody."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JoshP99
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2019
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In a battle of the numbers, evens were victorious

It was against all odds

πŸ‘οΈŽ 32
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 23 2019
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What happens when you lose both your feet in a battle?

Defeated

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/lil_loh_loh
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2019
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Their battle will be legendary!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheEggPunster
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2019
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Did you hear about the battle down at the church?

It was all, pew pew pew!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Dr-fuhrer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 04 2019
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On a photo shop battle about a deer with a spider web between its antlers
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NearlyHame
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2019
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If Ben and Jerry broke up would they engage in a custardy battle?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hornwalker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2019
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Did you know there was a Knight who always refused to fight in battle?

His name was Sir Render.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 79
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dadjokesig
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 26 2018
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Which chemical liquid would destroy bacteria in a rap battle?

Dissingfectant

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Suss-it-out
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 21 2019
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The mΓ‘x pun battle reddit.com/r/MurderedByWo…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/oofygoofy_11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 03 2019
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Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 22 2018
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A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police.

He's now a seasoned veteran.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ntuso
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2019
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Kickstarter Pun-bait? No whey. Reddit, lend me your puns in this cheesy battle!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MajesticMaje
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 30 2019
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Battle of the Sentry!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WonterWolf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2019
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My boyfriend and I have pun- battles
πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SevenDoll
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 19 2018
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what do you call it when apes battle?

gorilla warfare.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mr_samouri_man
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How does an octopus go into battle?

Well armed

πŸ‘οΈŽ 194
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/katv1123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 03 2019
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