Barring Puns

And then a table... And then a chair...

“Is that a fret?!"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"How about something to eat?"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

"What about some peanuts?"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

The anteater replies, "I was born with it!"

They both have a great time.

Her/she

Her/she!

The bartender comes to him and says 'you look different now, is anything wrong'

Pirate: 'Oh nothing'

'What about your leg, where did it go'

'I boarded a ship, slipped and it got eaten by a shark'

'What about the hook, where did the hand go'

'I lost it in a heated swordfight'

'Then how did you get the eyepatch'

'I was cleaning the deck and a bird pooped in it'

'That doesn't make any sense, how can you get an eyepatch from a bird pooping in your eye'

'It was my first day with the hook'

The horse, not being able to comprehend human language, promptly shits on the floor and leaves.

Immediately the bartender tells him to get out "We don't serve pieces of string here!"

The piece of string is a bit disappointed, but has an idea. He ruffles his top and returns to the bar.

"I told you to get out. We don't serve pieces of string here!" said the bartender

The string replies "A piece of string ?? I'm a frayed knot!"

As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.

They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.

One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:

"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"

She looked at him surprised and said:

"Well, you caught my eye."

So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.

“I can’t believe I blew 40 bucks in there”

“Ouch!”

The bartender says, “I’m glad you ditched your friend. He’s mean.”

Duck billed platypus.

Her/she.

I mean how low can you go?

The 3rd guy ducks

My life is a joke.

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

The bartender asks,"Why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate responds,"Arghhh, it's driving me nuts."

The bartender say "I'll serve you alright, but don't get any ideas"

One says is the bar tender here?

Edit:Conma comma comma comma comma chameleon. Because the people who like this joke are a Cultured Club

I guess you could call that a punch line

Bartender says, "we don't serve strings here."

The string goes outside, ties himself in a knot, frays his hair.

The string goes back inside. The bartender serves him a drink and says, "hey wait a minute, weren't you that string from earlier?"

And the string says, "I'm a frayed knot!"

And a table... And a stool...

He was a little drunk.

Then the rabbi says: "Just give me a tea, so I can become an overused joke."

Hey why the long race?

The bartender says we don't serve food here

Then he walks into a table

Then he walks into a table leg

Then he walks into wood

Then he walks into wood cells

Then he walks into wood DNA

Then he walks into a molecule

Then he walks into a atom

Then he walks into a qwark

Then he walks into a cosmic string

Then he walks into a multiverse

Then he walks into a universe

Then he walks into a galactic supercluster

Then he walks into a galaxy

Then he walks into a stellar system

Then he walks into a planet

Then he walks into a continent

Then he walks into a country

Then he walks into a region

Then he walks into a city

Then he walks into a street

Then he walks into a bar

ANDTHECYCLECONTINUES ANDTHECYCLECONTINUES ANDTHECYCLECONTINUES ANDTHECYCLECONTINUES ANDTHECYCLECONTINUES ANDTHECYCLECONTINUES ANDTHECYCLECONTINUES

He sits down, orders a beer, and begins to mull over his day.

After a few minutes he hears a quiet, and high pitched voice say "I like your shirt". He looks around and doesn't see anybody, so he goes back to his drink.

A few sips later he hears the same voice say "You have lovely eyes". He looks around again half expecting to see Alvin the chipmunk, but there is nothing.

After a few more sips, he hears it again, "I bet your parents are real proud of you". Finally he has had enough. He slams his drink down, looks over at the bartender, and says "what the hell is that high pitched voice I am hearing?!"

The bartender looks up and says "Its the peanuts...

They're complimentary."

"Is this stool taken?"

But...I just can't look at another stool sample

Things got a little tense.

And then a chair, and then a table

So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian!

They both had a great time.

"Get me a drink...and a mop."

He orders a drink, and asks for the check.

Duck billed platypus.

Edit: Thanks guys.

Her/she

My life is a joke.

And a table... and a chair...

Her/She

Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"

Is this stool taken?