Baldness Puns

A list of puns related to "Baldness"

What do you call the first sign of baldness?

A hairline fracture!

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👤︎ u/CaptainLongsack
📅︎ Oct 29 2019
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My son has recently been starting to suffer from early male pattern baldness, like I did at his age.

I think it‘s haireditery.

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👤︎ u/carotoffel
📅︎ Aug 26 2019
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Baldness...

I am not losing my hair, I'm getting more head.

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Oct 20 2017
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A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

He just can't part with it.

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👤︎ u/DeltaOne211
📅︎ Nov 19 2020
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If the devil were to go bald...

I bet there would be hell toupee.

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👤︎ u/DinglebarryHandpump
📅︎ Jan 26 2021
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What's six inches long, has a bald head and every woman loves?

A hundred dollar bill.

This is my dad's favorite joke.

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👤︎ u/DoctorModalus
📅︎ Aug 21 2020
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A bald man with a hairpiece needed the restroom during a movie.

He whispered to his date, “I have toupeé.”

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👤︎ u/Dusk118
📅︎ Dec 14 2020
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What did the cannibal call the curry he made using the meat of Joshua - a balding Indian man?

Rogaine Josh

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👤︎ u/celebrationrock
📅︎ Dec 20 2020
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When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.

It’s our family hair loom.

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👤︎ u/Rav4xle
📅︎ Oct 15 2020
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I went totally bald overnight

You know what they say, hair today gone tomorrow

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👤︎ u/yoru
📅︎ Nov 17 2020
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What do you call a bald heron?

Hair-off.

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👤︎ u/kiltebeest
📅︎ Nov 11 2020
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Have you heard about the bald rabbit?

Hare today, gone tomorrow.

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👤︎ u/DoomRulz
📅︎ Nov 12 2020
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There was this bald guy at the bus

He seemed really lightheaded

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👤︎ u/Athena123YT
📅︎ Sep 15 2020
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

So they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.

And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.

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👤︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
📅︎ Sep 02 2019
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There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting /r/Jokes/comments/iya4l4/…
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👤︎ u/ProCreeper_2000
📅︎ Sep 23 2020
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If a demon ever goes bald

They’ll be hell toupee.

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👤︎ u/notgordonbombay
📅︎ Aug 31 2020
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I was bald and hated having hair, but now that I have it, that's ok.

It's grown on me

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👤︎ u/CaroZoroark
📅︎ Jun 21 2020
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I can't believe I'm already going bald! What the hell?

That's last time I buy off-brand tires...

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Aug 07 2020
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Did you know that the devil is bald?

But don’t mention it to him or there will be hell toupee

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👤︎ u/theshaggydogg
📅︎ Jun 25 2020
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I'm so furious about my postmans route that I pull my hair out

I call it mail pattern baldness

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👤︎ u/suolisyopa
📅︎ Jan 21 2021
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My balding grandfather told me that there was an adept wigmaker at the mall.

The wigmaker offered me a good deal that I was willing toupee for.

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👤︎ u/WatchOutItsAdam
📅︎ May 25 2020
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I'm bald and im going to get a head tattoo of multiple rabbits

So from a distance it looks like hares

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👤︎ u/BiscuitaBoyo
📅︎ Jan 03 2020
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What did the bald guy say when he got a comb for his birthday?

Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

(Source - me. It’s my cake day and I’m bald!)

Actually it’s a meme my crazy aunt posted on FB page for me today.

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👤︎ u/hombredelgato
📅︎ Jun 13 2020
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What did the lion say to the zoo keeper that shaved its body bald but kept the mane?

.. Aww mane, no fur!

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👤︎ u/duderdudeguy
📅︎ Jun 28 2020
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Did you hear about the bald eagle that became a preacher?

He thought he was a bird of pray.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ May 01 2020
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Satan was really mad when he went bald.

There was hell toupee.

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👤︎ u/Couldbeurmom
📅︎ Jan 22 2020
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What did the bald man say when he received a comb as a gift?

"Thanks! I'll never part with this!"

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👤︎ u/omg123456789
📅︎ Feb 13 2020
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What do balding guys and teen beards have in common?

Every hair counts!

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👤︎ u/otoglomba
📅︎ Jan 08 2020
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My girlfriend is leaving me because I'm going bald.

I'm not bothered, it's hair loss.

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👤︎ u/rotimi_babalola
📅︎ Sep 20 2019
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I kept my comb even though it's been over ten years since I went bald...

I just couldn't part with it.

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👤︎ u/Futureman16
📅︎ Sep 24 2019
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My bald headed surgeon friend is the most charismatic person I know.

He’s a real smooth operator.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Dec 09 2019
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Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.

I just can't part with it.

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👤︎ u/ForgotMyBumbershoot
📅︎ Sep 28 2019
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I worked with this guy Rob once...

...who was trying to hide he was bald. He damaged his hairpiece, not sure how, and was having a new one shipped to the office.

He was already kind of embarrassed and told us all, if you see a package for Peters (his last name) just put it on my desk. So I happen to be the one who sees it and as I'm bringing it to him my other coworker Paul asks what I have in my hands.

"Oh this?" I say, "this is Rob Peters' toupee, Paul."

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👤︎ u/JSNhova
📅︎ Jan 08 2021
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As a bald man, I was confused when my wife gave me a comb for Christmas.

Then she told me that she wanted to give me something I would never part with.

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👤︎ u/Knightstar76
📅︎ Dec 25 2019
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A balding magician had an act where he'd put a rabbit on his head and make it disappear...

The hare vanished into thin hair.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Dec 09 2019
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Your uncle is getting bald

Good thing is he's always gonna be a cold-headed thinker

Credits to my dad who just said that in a family meeting

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👤︎ u/MaK1N_
📅︎ Dec 25 2019
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A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”

Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”

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👤︎ u/boogerknows
📅︎ Oct 15 2019
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A Basement Jaxx song came on when I was clubbing with my bald father.

I said, "Where's Your Hair Dad?"

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👤︎ u/TommehBoi
📅︎ Oct 31 2019
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Baldness?!

I'm not losing my hair, I'm getting more head!

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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Dec 12 2017
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My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.

He just can't part with it.

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👤︎ u/habsfan1112
📅︎ Jan 09 2021
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My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Aug 23 2020
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If Satan ever goes bald and gets a hairpiece

there will be hell toupee.

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👤︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
📅︎ Jun 22 2020
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My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.

He just can’t part with it.

👍︎ 11k
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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Jan 07 2019
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If the devil went bald

There would be he'll toupee

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👤︎ u/tjeters
📅︎ Apr 07 2020
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I’m a bald man and I’m thinking of getting rabbits tattooed on my head.

From a distance they will look like hares.

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👤︎ u/CineArma
📅︎ Feb 06 2019
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When satan goes Bald

There will be hell toupée

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👤︎ u/jamacianmesane
📅︎ Jul 27 2019
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If satan goes bald...

There will be hell toupee.

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👤︎ u/benwheely
📅︎ Nov 09 2019
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I went bald, but I kept my comb.

I just can't part with it.

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👤︎ u/feelthemink
📅︎ Nov 17 2019
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If I go bald, I'm going to get rabbits tattooed all over my head.

Because, from a distance, they'll look like hares.

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👤︎ u/mrOsteel
📅︎ Nov 18 2017
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If Satan goes bald....

There will be hell toupée

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👤︎ u/mediumghetto
📅︎ Aug 01 2019
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