π︎ 244
π
︎ May 23 2020
I shuck at puns
π︎ 109
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
Suck at puns, but i randomly found this
π︎ 35
π
︎ Nov 27 2019
The neighbors are rock solid at puns
π︎ 237
π
︎ Jul 03 2018
Never apologise for being good at puns
π︎ 42
π
︎ Feb 05 2019
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 28 2015
She sucks at puns
π︎ 24
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
Why am I bad at puns
Because Iβm Cornfused about puns
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 27 2019
Iβm told Iβm no good at puns but they come fluid to me...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 07 2018
π︎ 116
π
︎ Nov 29 2014
Why are kleptomaniacs so bad at puns?
They take things literally.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 18 2017
I'm really good at puns
I guess you could say I'm a pundit.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 19 2015
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, βWhat happened before The Big Bang?β
He said, βSorry. There is no Time.β
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said βShe obviously has COVID!β βWhy would you think that?β I asked.
βBecause she has no taste.β
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Have a riot at this pun
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet
Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"
Proud dad moment!
π︎ 15k
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Why canβt two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have a pair of trunks.
-my grandfather, just 5 minutes ago.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
The salesman at the furniture store told me, βThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.β
I said, βWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?β
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I think the girl at the Airlines check-in just threatened me.
She looked me dead in the eye and said, βWindow or aisle?β
I laughed in her face and replied, βWindow or youβll what?β
π︎ 20k
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Constitutional rights at stake.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
Fun fact: Every dictionary has at least 1 mistake in it!
In the M section, right after mist.
Thanks HAI
π︎ 227
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 16k
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me
Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
π︎ 547
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
I was watching a robbery at the Apple Store today
π︎ 76
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.
"Bargain" the man says.
"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week
Well itβs not a law itβs a mandate
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife, "How do you spell Hawaii?" Glancing at what he wrote, she replied, "You need two iβs."
Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isnβt it!?"
π︎ 408
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory
Gonna be their spokes person
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
I have started carrying a piece of stone with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs before Thanksgiving.
Itβs my jingle bell rock.
π︎ 17k
π
︎ Oct 17 2020
I saw 2 cows staring at me from behind the bush.
I think it was a steak out.
π︎ 290
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
A chemist froze himself at -273.15Β°C
everyone said he was crazy but he was 0K.
π︎ 163
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
Teacher: What are you laughing at?
π︎ 53
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
I had a Wookie burger at a Star Wars cafe
π︎ 122
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
I'm meeting him at 2:30
π︎ 48
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
Iβm excellent at wrapping presents...
π︎ 69
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
A proctologist hurt his eardrums at a rock concert
In fact, he nearly rectum
π︎ 44
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
How can I get someone to hang out with me, laugh at each otherβs jokes, and maybe share some fun platonic experiences together throughout our lives?
π︎ 622
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Why do the French only eat one egg at breakfast?
Because one egg is un oeuf.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
I just quit my job at the helium factory.
I wonβt be spoken to in that tone.
π︎ 226
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess
I have been walking on eggshells ever since.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
The elevator at work was broken so I took the stairs...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.
π︎ 587
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
What is always the score at the end of a βbest-of-threeβ match?
One won one, and one won two.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation.
It doesnβt make any cents.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Found at my local Trader Joeβs.... I mean come on... you laughed... Right?!
π︎ 20
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
What did the buffalo say when he dropped his kid off at school?
π︎ 46
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
My wifeβs mad at me because she said I never buy her flowers
I honestly didnβt even know she sold flowers
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
Which dinosaur was the best at playing basketball?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
The salesman at the furniture store told me, βThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.β
I said, βWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?β
π︎ 645
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
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