TSA puns
👍︎ 30
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📅︎ Oct 10 2018
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The TSA detained a passenger in possession of a slide rule, compass and calculator...

They said he was carrying weapons of math instruction, and was a member of the Alge-bra movement.

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📅︎ May 22 2020
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TSA : "...so where is your luggage?"

Photon: "...I don't have any, I'm travelling light."

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📅︎ May 29 2020
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TSA needs to be stopped
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👤︎ u/cami859
📅︎ Mar 02 2020
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Did you hear about the vulture that the TSA trained and hired?

They fired him on day one. He was caught eating carrion.

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👤︎ u/Undershoes
📅︎ Jan 13 2020
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Under new TSA guidelines, airports in the US

Will only be allowed to sell plane chocolate.

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👤︎ u/fingadod
📅︎ Jan 09 2020
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Has anyone else noticed that TSA guards are a lot taller nowadays?

I guess it's part of heightened security.

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📅︎ Mar 29 2019
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Whats TSA called in Canada?

TS-eh

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Sep 24 2018
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My cousin had hummus confiscated by the TSA today.
👍︎ 13
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📅︎ Jan 26 2018
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Was at the airport and I asked the TSA agent how his day was?

TSA agent: Doing well

Me: Did they pay you to say that?

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👤︎ u/reevesd9
📅︎ Jan 16 2019
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Why does the TSA want your liquids in one clear plastic bag?

It's pretty plane to see why.

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Jul 27 2017
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TSA made the woman in front of me throw out her sushi.

I commended them on their valiant efforts to stop a potential SUSHIcide bomber!

Turns out they don't like jokes about that. :(

👍︎ 137
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📅︎ Aug 11 2015
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Why does TSA make you take off your jacket at airport security?

To stop arms smuggling.

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👤︎ u/727Super27
📅︎ Oct 08 2015
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I spat my water
👍︎ 5k
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📅︎ Sep 25 2020
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Dad, I'm jacker.

Hi Jacker, I'm [muffled sounds as TSA agent tackles dad]

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📅︎ Aug 30 2020
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The world's most dangerous pun?

I had to fly from Atlanta to Chicago yesterday.

After I just gone through the security checkpoint and was putting my belt back on and all the other crap from that plastic tub they make you run through the scanner, I handed it back to one of the TSA agents and told him he should not carry too many of those at once.

Why?

Because he'd be Bin Laden.

He laughed.

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👤︎ u/JimMarch
📅︎ Sep 14 2019
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Here's one about the traveling photon...

A photon is going through airport security. A TSA agent asks if it's carrying any luggage.

The photon replies, "No, I'm traveling light."

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Aug 15 2019
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My Dad drops this gem going through airport security.

Airport Security: Do you have anything sharp on you?

Dad: Yes, my brain.

👍︎ 1k
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👤︎ u/mvpking
📅︎ May 22 2015
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Knew someone who tried to make it through airport security with a cat in their carry-on.

TSA agent asked him, "Sir, are you aware you have a cat in here?"

And he said "Well don't let the cat out of the bag!".

👍︎ 30
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📅︎ Nov 14 2017
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Got this one while going to the airport earlier....

Make sure not to say HI to JACK when we see him at the airport, the TSA might have to detain us.

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👤︎ u/soil_nerd
📅︎ Apr 01 2014
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Dad joked my sister at the airport

We're getting ready to head into the airport to pick my aunt to stay for the week. My sister had a banana in the car and we're joking around about the TSA and she says she's going to put the banana in the pocket of her dress:

Her: if the comment on it- I'll put my hand there and say it's a stick up.

Me: don't you mean a split up.

She laughed pretty hard, our parents proceeded to groan.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Jun 18 2014
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