- Does the big hand move clockwise?
Tick.
It scared my wife pretty bad.
I assured her he’s all right.
It was okay, he assured me that it would beehave
He was so encouraging, he assured me that he has my back.
This is the way.
But when the movie comes out, I assure you, it’s gonna be a blockbuster.
Credit: u/Iziahzay
Worked like a charm, I really feel like I am in de pen dent
She assured me the photos would receive high exposure.
It has just become clear to me that my parents and I have very different views on the meaning of studying a broad.
We were working on getting him a new SSD for his work laptop and he dropped this little nugget: "If I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive, would that enable cloud computing?"
My family doesn't think it's a good idea, but I keep assuring them it makes scents.
Doctors now confirm that it was only Saturday Night Fever and they assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
The first one goes "I lost everything with my divorce, wealth, mansion, cars, bank balance etc. and here I am sharing a rented apartment with you. Nothing can be worse than this."
The second one assures him that his situation is much worse than him.
"How??" Demands the first one.
"Well I had a booming business and all the riches" he moaned. "Then it all came crashing down, with losses incurring, I lost my wealth, mansion, cars, bank balance etc. And here I am sharing a rented apartment with you."
"How's your situation worse than mine" growled the first one.
"You see my friend" sighed the second one "I still have my wife!"
is it still considered beef?
Told by my 12 year old brother, he got poor reactions from my siblings but I assured him the joke was well done.
So I was looking to get some weed the other day, and I asked my buddy if he had any recommendations since I wasn't really feeling like hitting a bong or joint. My buddy he suggests dabs, said he had a buddy named Yaba who sold good stuff. I wasn't convinced since I'm not a big user. But he assured me it would be great. He tells me "A Yaba-Dab-will-do-ya"
He came in looking for a small coupe for his wife’s forthcoming birthday. He found one he liked and we completed a test drive together. The car was listed at £28,000 plus tax. He was deep in thought looking around the car but unfortunately for me he decided not to buy it. I was in my 20s, had a young family and working a commission only job so a couple of days later I rang him to see if anything could be done. He was keen on the car but didn’t like the £28,000 plus tax price tag. I assured him that this was a great price for the car, however he said that it wasn’t so much the price of the car, it was more the tax. He said, ‘I’d do anything for love, but I won’t do VAT’
But the committee assured them it was just natural selection!
They assured me they were dealing with it.
It's okay, he assured her that it was totally paneless.
They assured they'll try their best to... get me in.
The salesman assured me the prophets would go through the roof!
Response: To live for ever, or die trying.
She didn't want to waste it, but I assured her that throwing it away is the lesser of two weevils.
Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.
The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.
"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"
When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.
"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."
The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it
... keep reading on reddit ➡I heard it was the most natural way to get high.
He thought it was fake, but I assured him it's legit a mitt.
During the consultation on Saturday, my nervous wife accompanied me to learn more about the procedure. She got me pretty good when she said it was an "eye-opening experience."
Rest assured I didn't leave her the last word. After the procedure yesterday, I exited the operating room to find her waiting in a crowded lobby. She looked up at me, and I got her back with "Well aren't you a sight for sore eyes."
So in Canberra people are picking their own mushrooms; which would be fine except for the rather hazardous Death Caps that seem to be plentiful right now. A local radio station asked their listeners whether hey thought mushroom sales at stores or restaurants would go down, and what people thought of the whole issue. With a decade of experience in hospitality I thought I'd call and while waiting to go on air, the presenters joked about calling up the head 'mushroom guy' for Australia and asking their opinion.
I go on air and assure them that no restaurant worth their salt would risk their name and business by buying mushrooms that weren't from an official farm. But just before They bid me farewell I said; "I hope you do get to talk to the head mushroom person, I bet he's a real Fungi".
There was silence followed by barely audible raucous laughter from what sounded like either outside their booth or over the intercom, I'm not sure. The presenters denied me an on air groan or laugh and just pretended like I had said nothing. But someone laughed... Someone...
[Edit: Wow, unable to log in to reddit for a day and I miss getting nearly eight times more up votes than I have since joining Reddit last year. Thanks all! I knew having a 1 yr old would pay off.]
I thought it tasted a little funny, and wanted to return it. My friend assured me that would be naan issue.
Hit head-on by a drunk driver, she broke her right wrist and forearm (compound fracture), and broke her right femur. The doctor came to talk to us after the surgery and told us she was okay. My dad asked, "will she be able to play the trumpet?" And the doctor assured us that she would make a full recovery and be able to play after the cast came off. To which my dad replies, "Wow, you're one hell of a doctor. All she could play before was the piano!"
I assure her it was quilted
A heart-warming tale about a snake in the desert.
Last time I went home, dad had a friend over who shared with us the struggles he now encountered with providing daily basic care for his own aging, terminally-ill father.
"You just can't imagine right now," he assured me, "what it's like to wipe your own father's ass after helping him off the toilet."
"Yeah, well I'm sure you're right," I responded, "but I certainly can imagine it's pretty awkward. He's all bent over. You're back there trying to clean him up and pretend everything's normal, of course he's gonna be fine, when suddenly your eyes meet. With his voice filled with pride, he says, "that's a real good wipe, son."
My dad and his friend laughed their asses off.
New evidence as been found that in addition to trying to sway public opinion against Tesla's advocacy of alternating current, Edison went so far as to try to criminalize A/C through the courts by claiming public endangerment.
Sounds like he was close to winning, but his own hubris did him in. He tried to assure his victory by attempting to bribe the circuit court judge.
"Philogelos" or "The Laughter Lover" is a collection of 265 ancient Roman jokes, written in the 4th century AD. Some of them feel... very appropriate for this sub:
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A boy caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The boy expressed his amazement: "How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!"
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When a boy was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it.
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A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"
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A boy came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had 'departed', the intellectual replied: "When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?"
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A boy had been at a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "What a wonderful ceremony! I pray that your next marriages are as enjoyable as this one."
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A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"
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A man saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the man asked: "So is she your daughter?"
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A man was being heckled by a friend: "I had your wife, without paying a dime!" The man replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?'
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An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "Well, I suppose it's polite to call her Ma'am."
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A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"
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A misogynist paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him, "Who has gone to rest?," he replied: "Me, at last!"
You can find more here and [here](http://publishing.y
... keep reading on reddit ➡She was picking what she wanted to wear on the plane and kept putting it in to the "plane pile". I assured her that those clothes aren't plain and she will look great in them.
Waiter: How would you like your burger sir? dad: cooked (self assuring chuckle)
Him: Harrison Ford injured in crash landing of a piece of junk. Wondering if special modifications were contributing factor. Inquired about Chewbacca's condition. Nancy assured me this was a solo flight.
Me: you're the devil.
... but doctors have now confirmed that it was only Saturday Night Fever, and they can now assure everyone that he is Staying Alive.
My family doesn't think it's a good idea, but I keep assuring them it makes scents.
My family doesn't think it's a good idea, but I keep assuring them it makes scents.
