Because he was a Lil Weezy!
He was born Toby Wild.
You thought I plagiarized, but I just played your eyes.
It turns out she's locked her keys in the car.
"Simple," says the soldier and drops his trousers, takes them off, rolls them into a ball and rubs them on the door.
The door pops open.
"How did you do that?!" exclaimed the young woman.
"Easy," says the soldier, "These are my khakis."
Edit: in the UK 'khaki' doesn't rhyme with 'whacky'; 'khaki' and 'car key' are pronounced the same.
Edit 2: I'm rightly bring criticised by fellow Brits for assuming that my pronunciation speaks for the whole island. In my bit of the UK, a southern enclave in the North, we pronounce it like that.
I thought to myself, now that’s a Roman-tic.
be called a Hehim?
He'll be born in July.
Their objective is to neutralize the enemy base
I am a 28 year old male, and for as long as I can remember every time me and my dad move something, such as a chair, or a couch, or a coffee table, he said "alright I'll get the heavy end" and idk why I always just assumed he was being nice and getting the heavier side.
And it literally just occurred to me within the last few weeks when we picked something up, there's no heavy end. They're both the same weight 😭😭😭
Edit: I understand certain things have heavy ends, which is why I initially believed it. And then never questioned it any further.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
I'm assuming it's in some sort of dad-a-base.
Because I'm terrible at small talk
The glovernment
But after that I’m wide open.
Reading the nameplate on her desk the frog begins, “Good morning Miss Whack, my name is Kermit and I need a loan.”
“Okay Kermit, I’ll need some more information, named after your father, the famous muppet, I assume?”
“No, but I get that a lot. It’s Jagger, my dad is the rock star Mick Jagger”
“Oh I apologize Mr. Jagger, didn’t realize Mick had any frog children. The last thing we’ll need is some sort of collateral to guarantee the loan. “
Kermit Jagger reaches into his pocket, pulls out a small plastic elephant and puts it on the desk between them saying “I think this will suffice.”
Looking down in confusion at the trinket she says “this is rather unusual Mr Jagger, I’ll need to consult with my manager.” Shouting into the next office she says, “Bob can you come in here for a second?”
“What’s up Patty?” The manager asks.
“Kermit here just gave me this plastic elephant as collateral for a loan. Have you ever seen anything like this before?”
“Of course” Bob responds. “It’s a knick nack, Patty Wack, give the frog a loan! His old man’s a Rolling Stone!”
Peter, park her!
Because I’m boring
Dad: Whatcha reading?
Me: Just Reddit
Dad: Well if you already read it why are you reading it again?! (Nudges me) Get it?? Hahahaha
Me: (rolls eyes) Ha.Ha.
The bartender says, “I’d offer you a booth, but I assume you want a stool.”
Probably name my kid Luke so I can remind him who I am for the rest of eternity.
Because she wanted to go to high school.
The two introduced themselves as Sven and Olf. Olf in particular was wearing a t-shirt with the USSR flag on and boasted a cap with a hammer and sickle on, so I assumed he was an avid communist. I asked them if either of them knew where I could get alcohol on the train, and Olf piped up:
"If you go to carriage 4, you can get a guinness, you idiot. You can also find a stella in carriage 6, dumbass. There's also someone microbrewing in the front of the train, but he looks stupid."
I was a bit taken aback at how mean Olf was, but I thanked him for the information. Soon after, when he got up to go to the bathroom, I asked Sven what the deal was with his friend.
"Don't worry" he said.
"Rude Olf the red knows train beer."
One heifer fell over, another started a fire, a third bovine went missing. It was assumed they were related, but it was just cow-incidents.
But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.
….how dare you assume my gender?!? I was just Xplaining something.
To get some fresh air.
Though I guess that's just a generalization.
because it's a late-text (latex)
Because they can hold in there wee wee
The media are calling him the Om Nom Nom de Plume.
You suppose something to be the case, without proof.
Turns out that’s not what they meant when they called me un-savory.
It was an....unmanned aircraft.
Because our family reunion was in April.
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
Everyone
A brunette that’s told her last blonde joke…
I guess it’s not for me to say
