What do you call the kid in class that always demands the teacher give the exam results ASAP?

Markus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lakkabrah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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Need gnome puns ASAP

My mom’s friend is trying to write a card for her husband for Valentine’s Day, and he loves gnomes. Shes trying to find gnome puns to put in the card associated with Valentine’s Day. Please help because I don’t know any good gnome puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mE-iS-wAfFlE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…

I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorbanzoBean69
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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ASAP!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yahyahyahhhh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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[Request] Ducks. I need many puns about ducks ASAP.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeepercreepers9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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Acronyms ASAP.

(Are Sometimes A Problem).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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Plz halp, I need as many vegetable puns as possible ASAP, the epic vegetable pun battle of the century is now being waged and I am quickly running out of ammo while the enemy shows no signs of retreat
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoofyGoober1999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2018
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As a soldier, when I know it's time to leave, I want get moving ASAP, but my commanding officer always says.....

... that we eat first and March 2nd.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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What do we want?

An end to acronyms!

When do we want it?

ASAP!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:

"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlesir123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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I need the name of the sticky stuff inside trees..

ASAP

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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Quick. I need to know a type of fluid that comes from a tree.

ASAP

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2017
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Learn Chinese in 5 min

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

  1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
  2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
  3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
  4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
  5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
  6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
  7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
  8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
  9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
  10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
  11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
  12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
  13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
  14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
  15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edg0023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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Been sick lately, went to the doc yesterday. Got my wife good later.

I picked up a head cold from my toddler and was worried about it progressing to something worse. Texted my doc, and he said to come in ASAP. That afternoon, he prescribed for me some cough meds, and a nasal steroid to help with the blockage.

I get home, and after putting the still-snotty kiddo to bed, my wife and I retreated to the boudoir to talk and relax. She wanted to know what Doc prescribed. She gave me the perfect setup for a dad joke.

Me: Oh, some pearls and codeine for the cough, and a steroid spray for my nose.

Wife: Where is it?

Me: (pointing at nose) It's right here in the middle of my face.

She laughed. Good thing we were far enough away we didn't wake up the kid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/twilightmoons
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
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My dad called the dentist about a toothache..

"I need to book an appointment asap, its about an ongoing toothache"

"Thats fine sir, the earliest we have is at 11 am Tuesday if thats ok with you?"

Dad- "Are you sure you heard me correctly? I said toothache, I need the appropriate time slot for that type of appointment,"

"What do you mean sir? What would be your preferred time and I can see if there's an availability"

Dad- "Two-thirty"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdamRouse
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2014
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At the Walk-In clinic today.

Wife is sick, so we went to the walk-in clinic in town. While in the waiting room, I took the 7 month old to go look at their giant fish tank where I sadly found one laying flat on the bottom not moving. So I went to the front desk to give them a heads up. I said

"Hey I don't know if you guys know but you have a fish over laying on the bottom not moving."

The lady said oh no that's not good, we should call the maintenance guy.

I said "Yeah I don't know if you guys have a swim-up clinic or not, but I'd get him checked in ASAP."

Groans all around!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flattishsassy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2016
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Dad texted me as Santa with a photo...

"Ho ho ho...Hey kids this is Santa Claus and I need to know what you want for Christmas ASAP! It is okay to text your Dad back since my phone is broken and I am chillin' in the North Pole with him - get it chillin' in the North Pole (I am the second funniest guy I know, your dad of course is the funniest) p.s. nice job staying off the naughty list."

http://i.imgur.com/LDpkF0m.jpg?1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/curriedquinoa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2013
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Help

I need violent waffle puns ASAP!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rookston
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2018
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I need all your Christmas puns, ASAP!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaxIsPan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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