Appetency Puns

Police are investigating a possible hummus side.

Murd'Oeurves

...it was a naan starter.

It was a Post-Hummus award

It was a total naan starter.

Finger Food

Wonton.

Singing “Wakeme up before you go go” apparently wasn’t as hysterical to everyone else.

Buff chick dip

It's a naan-starter

It’s a total naan starter

Chips and guaca-guaca-guaca-guaca.

That’s the last time I order the pot stickers

For me it was a Naan starter.

Canibbles.

Seizure salad.

Gaelic Bread

That was a naan starter for me.

The server said that was a naan starter.

My dad asked whether I didn't want the escar-stay, since we were just starting our meal.

The waitress laughed; everyone else groaned.

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

"Sorry, they're all gone."

"Aww shucks!"

"Sorry, it's nacho cheese"

Still one of my best so here's the set up.

I take my wife on a cruise for her birthday. Each night during dinner they have a section of things you would not normally try but you're on a cruise so try it. Anyway one night they had braised ox tongue. So I order it and get a side eye from the wife while doing so. It arrives and I had correctly anticipated her question. Anyway here's the conversation...

Braised ox tongue appetizer is set before me. I cut a small piece and put in it my mouth and begin to chew.

Wife: Well, how is it?!? Me: (slowly looking up) it's... tasty.
W: Did you really order that just to make that joke? Me: yes, yes I did.

In all actuality it was quite good.

Me: I see. And for the main course?

They are looking through the menu and the dad points to the falafel appetizer.

Dad: How do you pronounce that one?

Me: Falafel?

Dad: No actually I feel great! Just a little bit hungry..

Daughter: (Face palm)

.

EDIT: falafel sort of sounds like feel awful.

.

and again..

.

Dad orders his daughter a slice of cake for dessert.

Me: (to daughter) Here's your dessert. and (to the Dad) I brought you a fork in case you wanted some too.

Dad: Thanks! I love fork! (begins to pretend to eat fork)

Daughter: (absolutely mortified face of embarrassment.)

When I was waiting tables in a French bistro, I had a gentleman order the duck confit appetizer, followed by the roast duck entree.

As I cleared his dinner, he said, "Now you can bring me my third duck course."

I said, "I'm afraid I haven't got a duck dessert, Sir."

He said, "No, no - the bill!"

I saw this Pun earlier today and it got me thinking that I want to have a pun potluck. So far I can make the punchline of u/KennyTheDownsTigr pun and some Evil Spirits for us to slug.

As mushroom as possible!

(By my actual dad, to my girlfriend, as she was eating some appetizer soup at a Hibachi restaurant.)

For awhile there in university, I worked as an appetizer cook for a higher end restaurant. At the end of some shifts I'd make use of the staff discount and cook up some calamari or make a sushi roll for myself.

Sometimes my GF (now wife) would join me in this post-shift snack. When she would ask something equivalent to, "How was your shift?" I'd often respond mid-bite and say in a snooty French accent, "I ate my work!" She's been groaning for almost 20 years now.

Mom made Dad stuffed mushrooms as an appetizer for dinner because it is one of his favorite foods. So we're sitting around, eating our mushrooms when...

Mom: Kevin [brother], you don't want any mushrooms.

Kevin: grumble

Dad: He's just not a fungi.

groans all around

We went to a hibachi place for dinner and i ordered miso soup as part of my appetizer.

Mom: Why did you get soup? You know this meal is going to fill you up.

Me: Well, i guess because miso hungry.

My dad did the "not bad" face to me

Having Indian food with good flatbread.

Me: "I'm glad we didn't have the bread for an appetizer tonight."

Family: "What, why?"

Me: "Would have been a total Naan-starter..."

Much eye rolling and begrudging groans followed.

Not being well-acquainted with Indian food, we ordered an appetizer at random. It was deep fried and we couldn't really tell what was in it.

Her: For all we know, we could be eating chicken eyes right now.

Me: Nah, I'm pretty sure I know how they look.

She sighed, but failed in stifling her smile.

I'm only twenty two, but I can feel the dadforce growing in me.

Me: "We're gonna get an appetizer of wings to split with each other"

Her: "Ok what else?"

Me: "To eat I'll have the Hot Mess burger"

Her: "So you're not gonna eat the wings?"

Walked right into that one

At a funeral reception recently a friend of mine grabbed a cucumber, honeydew appetizer. I remarked: "are those for the melancholy????". (Un)fortunately I was not forcibly removed from the reception; I showed myself out.

My dad waited tables to pay his way through college, and he tells a story about one customer who'd made a scene upon entering the restaurant and seemed to be a dickhead generally.

(Guy sits down)

Dad: Welcome to (insert restaurant name), can I get you anything to start out? An appetizer?

Guy: Well, how's your cook?

Dad: Oh, he's great.

Guy: No. I mean how long's he been cooking?

Dad: About two... two and a half years. But he should be just about done by now.

The guy was pissed...

First I should preface that the restaurant we went to had a sucker with every meal. They also had a plate of pickles for appetizers. So naturally we got some pickles and fries for appetizers and I ordered some beer battered fish sticks for my main meal. But for some reason the main course came out before the appetizers, so there was some debate as to whether or not they should even bring out the appetizers.

Me: "Sounds like we're in a bit of a pickle."

Others: Groans.

Meal continues and naturally people are curious how everybody's food is.

Friend: "Tabbou, how is your food?"

Me: "I don't know... It takes kinda... fishy..."

Friend: "Tabbouuuuu..."

Finally, as we're getting out our chairs to leave, my friend holds up her sucker and asks, "Does anybody want this?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm a real sucker for them."

Friend: "Tabou, stop."

Other random customers sitting near us, "Hey, you're a sucker for these? Take ours!"

I scored four suckers tonight.

It was a Naan starter.

It was a Naan Starter