Because he did it on porpoise...
He swallowed his pride.
This
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
A man with a sack walks into a bar. He orders his first drink. The bartender asks, “What’s in that sack?” The man replies. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Later in the night, the man orders another drink. The bartender asks again, “What’s in the sack?” The man again replies, “It’s nothing worth seeing, don’t worry.” Later, the man comes up for his third drink. The bartender says, “Look, if you show me whats in that sack, I’ll give you a free drink. Whatever you want.” The man thinks for a moment, and opens the sack. He pulls out a tiny man, and a tiny piano. The tiny man starts playing the tiny piano. The bartender, surprised, asks, “Wow! Where’d you get this guy?” The man pulls out a magic lamp from the sack. “This thing. It can grant any wish. But the wish won’t be 100% accurate.” The bartender asks, “Can I try it out?” The man gives the magic lamp to the bartender. “I wish I had 100 bucks.” A few seconds later, 100 ducks waddle into the bar. The bartender says, “You’re right. This thing isnt very accurate” The man says, “I know. did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?”
Unless you're at a funeral
I gave it a lot of shit this morning
(Long time stalker, heres my first dad joke!)
Ooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeee.
Me Sew Sari.
I Apollo-gize
All ultrasounds look the same.
I falafel.
What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?
A: Lenin suits
What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?
A: That'll leave a Marx!
What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?
A: Stop Stalin and get to work!
What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?
A: Mao! That hurts!
An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.
The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."
The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."
20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.
The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"
The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."
Through re-morse code
I don't care if it's Tabby, Siamese, persian or even mixed breed. If I see a cat, I'm calling it over to me. And petting it too, if I can.
It wasn't his asphalt.
I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.
I mean that's a... crappy job.
I was talking to some friends about the snow yesterday here in the Midwest. I said "it was snowing so hard you can't see 20 feet in front of you!"
My friend Jon responded: "I don't know why you'd want to look at twenty feet, anyways."
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
