Why won’t the dolphin apologize for splashing you with water??

Because he did it on porpoise...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Luv_Dubstep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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This might be my crowning achievement. If it's been done before, I apologize for nothing. Grape minds think alike- nope wrong fruit.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Davebelieves
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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What did the cannibalistic lion do when he went to apologize?

He swallowed his pride.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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I also apologize if this isn’t allowed

This

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.

Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anynamethatworks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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Why do giraffes take longer to apologize?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoeIQ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
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I sincerely apologize.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FuckallFoetus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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I APOLOGIZE IF THIS HAS BEEN POSTED ALREADY

A man with a sack walks into a bar. He orders his first drink. The bartender asks, β€œWhat’s in that sack?” The man replies. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Later in the night, the man orders another drink. The bartender asks again, β€œWhat’s in the sack?” The man again replies, β€œIt’s nothing worth seeing, don’t worry.” Later, the man comes up for his third drink. The bartender says, β€œLook, if you show me whats in that sack, I’ll give you a free drink. Whatever you want.” The man thinks for a moment, and opens the sack. He pulls out a tiny man, and a tiny piano. The tiny man starts playing the tiny piano. The bartender, surprised, asks, β€œWow! Where’d you get this guy?” The man pulls out a magic lamp from the sack. β€œThis thing. It can grant any wish. But the wish won’t be 100% accurate.” The bartender asks, β€œCan I try it out?” The man gives the magic lamp to the bartender. β€œI wish I had 100 bucks.” A few seconds later, 100 ducks waddle into the bar. The bartender says, β€œYou’re right. This thing isnt very accurate” The man says, β€œI know. did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arandomduckdog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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Saying "I'm sorry" is the same as saying "I apologize"

Unless you're at a funeral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KindDouche
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2018
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I should apologize to my toilet...

I gave it a lot of shit this morning

(Long time stalker, heres my first dad joke!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoiledMankey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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I apologize, this is a long one.

Ooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeee.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedditCommenter1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2016
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I apologize in advance for this
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arkamasylum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
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Me can't apologize enough for ripping traditional Indian dress.

Me Sew Sari.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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What does an astronaut say to apologize

I Apollo-gize

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πŸ‘€︎ u/toby101mc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
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I apologize if this sounds racist but...

All ultrasounds look the same.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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I apologize for becoming a deep-fried fritter made of mashed chickpeas.

I falafel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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I was advised to post these here. I apologize in advance.

What did members of the Politburo wear to keep cool in the summer?

A: Lenin suits

What did the Soviet General Secretary say when he slipped and fell on ice in front of the Kremlin?

A: That'll leave a Marx!

What did the Commissar say to the workers on the collective farm when they slacked off?

A: Stop Stalin and get to work!

What did the Chinese President say when he stubbed his toe?

A: Mao! That hurts!

An officer in the Iranian army is talking to a subordinate.

The officer says, "Private, I think it's gonna rain."

The private says, "You think so, sir? The sky is completely clear and the sun is shining."

20 minutes later it starts to rain, a total deluge ensues.

The private says, "That was an amazing prediction, sir!. It did rain!"

The officer looks at the private, pats him on the shoulder and says, "Private, Ayatollah you so."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crookedletter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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McDonald's apologizes (x-post r/singapore)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmielmosong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2017
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Take a look at the new apple car, they apologize for not using windows... imgur.com/X7Dg1yN
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i81potato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2013
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How did people apologize back in the day?

Through re-morse code

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatFunkyWhiteBoy
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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Yes, I cat call. And I won't apologize for it.

I don't care if it's Tabby, Siamese, persian or even mixed breed. If I see a cat, I'm calling it over to me. And petting it too, if I can.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maax42_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2018
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Why did the concrete pourer refuse to apologize for his mistake?

It wasn't his asphalt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nuclfusion4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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I'm not the type of person that apologizes.

I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MastaPJ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
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Somewhere in my head I apologize to the people at the water treatment plant every time I flush...

I mean that's a... crappy job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gamerchris360
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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Son, I apologize for the dramatic

Pause.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tonsofpunsarefun
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
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If this is a common dad joke, I apologize.

I was talking to some friends about the snow yesterday here in the Midwest. I said "it was snowing so hard you can't see 20 feet in front of you!"

My friend Jon responded: "I don't know why you'd want to look at twenty feet, anyways."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorianXVIII
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2014
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2020
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