My best friend said that my book called "Supply and Demand" is really poorly written.
I said, "There's no need for that."
What did one tectonic plate say when it bumped into another tectonic plate?
"My fault."
what is the temperature inside of a Tawn Tawn?
Luke-warm
What do you call a bloke with no arms, no legs, in a hole?
Phil
Took my friend on a picnic at a park. he said "gracias"
I said "sorry, i should've brought a blanket"
What do you do with a tree after you chop it down?
Chop it up.
Iβm so sorry, I crushed your chickpeas to death
And I falafel
Humphry Bogart, the father of geometry
How do you get water from the alphabet?β¦.
You go from H to O
What do you call it when you apologize to someone with dashes and dots?
Remorse code!
What starts with a W and ends with a T
It really does, I swear!
Where do baby cats learn to swim?
The kitty pool.
Whatβs Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy Oβfurniture
I was asked if I could spend 24 hours straight in a haunted house and I have to be honest...
The answer is no, because I'm gay.
What direction are you climbing in, when you climb a ladder?
Ladderally.
An Irish stew is a very precisely prepared dish; exactly 239 beans, maximum.
One more would be too farty.
What did Ash say when he accidentally walked in on Misty changing?
Sorry, I wasn't trying to get a Pikachu.
What does a painter do when he gets cold?
He puts on another coat
The old lady found a rabbit in her refrigerator. βWabbit, she said, what are doing in my refrigerator?
This is a Westinghouse isnβt it? the rabbit asked. Yes, she replied. Weβll said rabbit, Iβm just a βwesting!
My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So i bought her a candle.
Time flies like an arrowβ¦
Fruit flies like bananas.
I went to the moon, and it wasn't great
It had no atmosphere at all.
I was shopping for a tuxedo with my dad. Who kept telling me to try weird designs so I told him to go away.
He said, βFine. Suit yourself.β
This is by far the best pun of the day , the journalist really drove the message home!
Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France?
They were cooked in Greece.
How does NASA say it's sorry?
It Apollo-gizes.
