Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion โ€“ but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits โ€“ all from late twentieth-century Terra โ€“ on a training study of Carterโ€™s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

โ€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are gradedโ€, exclaimed one student. โ€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?โ€

โ€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearbyโ€, said Feghoot. โ€œLet us walk that way while I explain.โ€ As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carterโ€™s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

โ€œI seeโ€, said the student. โ€œItโ€™s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.โ€

โ€œThatโ€™s right,โ€ Feghoot went on smoothly. โ€œYou just hit the road jack and donโ€™t come back no mo.โ€

His students registered dismay and anguish.

โ€œIsnโ€™t that right, old-timer?,โ€ Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

โ€œAhm afraid not, suhโ€, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. โ€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. Itโ€™s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

โ€œSo you see,โ€ he finished, eyes twinkling, โ€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.โ€

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. โ€œAnd heโ€, he said, turning to his students, โ€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nomnommish
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Microwave

(noun) A hand gesture used by a midget as a greeting.

Cool, that midget over there just gave me a microwave!

^{Source: ^Bullwade ^Anguish ^Dictionary}

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BinBender
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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History lesson

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TibtibThePrincess
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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I lost my fortune cookie for the sake of a dad joke

I was out to lunch with a few colleagues at a local Chinese buffet. The way seating is laid out, we four were seated at a long table with a couple on either end of us. The couple to my left received their fortune cookies and the lady cracked hers open. I heard her disappointment as she told her husband in anguish "There's no fortune in mine! My fortune cookie has no fortune!"

I looked at her and said "Ma'am, that's unfortunate." All my colleagues collectively sighed, and my buddy across the table from me said "You know what scrovak, that was so bad, she gets your cookie now."

The lady was delighted both at the joke and the new cookie.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/scrovak
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
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What do the grief-stricken and tormented eat for breakfast?

Anguish muffins

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FajitaPants
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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So today I bought some fish...

I recently joined a CSF - a community supported fishery. Once a week, I'll pick up a filet of freshly-caught salmon, a bag of shellfish, or other such delights from the Pacific Ocean and bring it home to my darling wife and children to much joy (or anguish, depending on who you're asking.)

You get to choose your pick-up spot, and I chose a location close to my office, so I could swing by on the way home; it's a nautical-themed bar, appropriate for such a business transaction. "Go to the bartender and ask for the fish", say the instructions; so I did, and he handed me the catch of the day. Gleaming white filets, glorious they were. Then I met a friend of mine, and after chatting for a little while, I went home.

"Jack," says my wife, "what took you so long? You should have been home an hour ago!"

"Sorry," I said. "I stopped by the bar, just for the halibut."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ajacksified
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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This one's actually from my dad a few days ago

Most people didnโ€™t know that back in 1912, Hellmannโ€™s mayonnaise was manufactured in England.

In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York.

This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico โ€ฆ but as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York . The ship hit an iceberg and sank.

The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning.

The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as โ€ฆSinko De Mayo.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rIse_four_ten_ten
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2014
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