What did God do after he created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness?
π︎ 186
π
︎ Apr 02 2021
What do you get when an alternating current and a direct current run into each other in a wire?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 24 2020
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said βIβve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earthβ. The Angel said βWhat are you going to do now?β ...
βOh I think Iβll call it a dayβ God replies.
π︎ 74
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
For the past year, Iβve been going out drinking alternating between my friend Greg one week and my other friend Ian the next week.
Iβm on a Greg-or-Ian calendar.
π︎ 412
π
︎ Aug 06 2018
There's a fine line between alternating current and direct current...
π︎ 22
π
︎ Dec 28 2017
I think the debate of Nikola Tesla's origin is currently alternating.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 20 2018
In an alternate universe, Hercules was a girl.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Oct 31 2020
If there were months on an alternative βPlanet-Bβ, would they be named the same?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 24 2021
The Killer Ohms are attacking us!
WE MUST MAKE A RESISTANCE!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
How much does a chimney cost?
I donβt know, but it must be through the roof.
π︎ 116
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
My mates were thinking of alternative names for shampoo.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Why did the valet hate working in an alternate universe?
Because it was all parallel parking!
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
The teen was mortified when his mom brought up his underwear at dinner
It was a brief conversation
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 10 2021
What's an alternative name for a pregnancy test ?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Disney is releasing a version of Tangled with an alternate ending where Rapunzel's hair isn't chopped off at the end.
They're calling it the Uncut Edition.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
I want my brand to become THE dairy alternative for the post truth era.
The people believe in Fake Moos.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. Heβs doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Aug 08 2020
What marine animal is famous for their alternative hits?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
My goldfish named Nate died.
So, to not make my kids sad, I bought another goldfish. He was an alternate.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, βThe Colour of Magicβ, Prologue.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
Why did the baker throw away the bread someone gave him?
Because he didn't knead it!
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 19 2021
When I first heard of gonorrhea...
I thought it was an anti-diarrhea medicine.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
What is the best shape to catch a Power Ranger with?
A trapezord.
Alternatively, the best shape to catch a homeless crustacean doctor is a trapezoidburg.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 29 2021
My dad banned me from saying "Hell", so I asked: "Have you thought of any alternative names for hell?"
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Sep 18 2018
There's a vegan activist in my neighborhood; she's been replacing everyone's dairy milk with alternatives.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
An Alternative To Trump's Wall
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 04 2020
What kind of fax machine did the Trump Administration use?
An alternative facts machine.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
In an alternate universe, instead of asking for whatever he touches to be gold, Midas just asked for his jokes to be made extremely hilarious.
Everything was comedy gold.
π︎ 6
π
︎ May 06 2020
In an alternate universe, thereβs probably a sentient kitchen wash basin knocking at your front door. Let that sink in,
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 02 2019
What do you call Clint Barton when he does the laundry?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Itβs a five minute walk from my house to the pub, but a thirty-five minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
π︎ 127
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
The alternate endgame ending
Thanos: I am inevitable. Iron man: Hi inevitable Iβm dad.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
Did you get a hair cut?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Dec 25 2020
Though not a perfect solution, cryogenic storage could be an alternative to capital punishment.
It has itβs frozen cons.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 04 2019
An alternate world where it's illegal to make or even touch puns. Punsmiths are protesting against this.
There's a pun crying to be made here, but I can't put my finger on it.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 27 2019
She gave me a BJ with some alternative rock playing in the background
I guess you can say I got some Radiohead
π︎ 84
π
︎ Jan 25 2017
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 14 2019
"Have you considered using an alternative name for Hell?"
π︎ 36
π
︎ Sep 18 2018
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, βwhat are you going to do now?β
God said, βI think Iβm going to call it a day.β
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jul 20 2019
What did God say when he created a 24 hour period of alternating day and night?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 19 2019
My son kept chewing on the electrical cords so I had to ground him...
Heβs doing better currently and conducting himself properly.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.