What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
Well, it's that time on New Year's Eve. I'll see you all...
I’m sick of having great little ideas all the time, I think I have...
For all the time they spend in a school, you'd think that fish are really smart.
But it turns out, they're all below C level.
What bed time story is a favourite among all trees?
The other day my daughter asked me why the dog follows her around all the time.
I answered, because she (the dog) looks up to you.
they just keep getting served all the time
I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...
I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are “Out of Order”
My sister in law told me a time traveling joke I was gonna share with ya all..
Patrick Roy, perhaps the best goaltender of all time, was having a family reunion.
Being a wealthy celebrity, he'd volunteered to hold the proceedings at his home. The spread was excellent and Pat's father drew him aside as things were winding down.
"I have a feeling your team is going to do great this year!"
"Why's that Dad?"
"I feel like God can't help but root for a man who's a father, a son and a goalie-host."
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.
What's the greatest cheese of all time?
Be careful when you book your family camping trips; my wife was menstruating last time, and she couldn't enjoy herself at all...
... It certainly was an in tents period.
So if GOAT stands for "Greatest of all time" what does HUMAN stand for?
Anything that they don't want to sit or lay down for
What can you use to prevent stepping on your cat all the time?
People overcome adversity all the time... Look at Beethoven.
They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?
In these dark times, it’s important we all continue to make puns.
You know, to make light of the situation the worlds in right now.
How do you make 3 old ladies all yell profanities at the same time ?
Have a fourth one yell "BINGO"
My Vet said our puppy requires supervision at all times.
I told him that I would be happy to consider LASIK, but wondered how it would help us potty train him?
Dad jokes are at all all-time high during quarantine times
Analysts say it's the worst pundemic ever recorded in modern history.
What's the most groundbreaking invention of all time?
I just found out spiders are dizzy all the time.
All they do is spin around.
One of my friends brags all the time that he can make a perfect circle
Why do scientists chew gum all the time?
Because they like ex-spearmints.
What do you call Spider-Man when his hands shake all the time?
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
My feet are stuck to my shoes all time,
I guess they're solemates.
One of the greatest NBA teams of all time, the 98 Chicago Bowls
What is the most ground breaking invention of all time?
An architect friend of mine keeps going on and on and on about how he has designed the greatest skyscraper of all time.
But I think he's built it up too much.
Hey y'all! Long Time No See!
I get asked all the time why I enjoy fishing
I tell them, "just for the halibut"
Original joke time! The apples I had to remove the peals from all appeared in twos, matched for use together.
Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.
Warned my son about the dangers of drugs today. Told him a story about a girl I knew who went crazy from doing mushrooms all the time. Surprised, he asked, "Really?" I replied, "Yes, absolutely true."
"She became a little spore addict."
What type of pants would Mario wear all the time.
In these times of crisis, we all have to do our part
I already started singing to people from far away.
What about you, are you practicing social distant sing?
I am enjoy chemistry, and ethane is my favourite compound of all time.
It’s just too funny, for it is simply Me-Me.
The letters in the alphabet get confused all the time.
I heard that E was confused one time because he was told BS.
Dogs talk to us all the time
You just have to know what questions they're answering, like, what’s a tree trunk covered in, what’s the french word for egg, how does sandpaper feel, what’s on the top of a house, what’s 1 divided by two
I write my name in cursive all the time -
By the time my brother got out of the 4th grade, we all knew what he was gonna be when he left high school
If I’m being subjective, the greatest sci-fi series of all time is Dr. Who.
If I’m being objective, it’s Dr. Whom.
My Dad once told me this: "People overcome adversity all the time. Look at Beethoven."
"They told him he was deaf, but did he listen?"
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
