I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. /r/cleandadjokes/comments…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Futch1
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2022
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What do you call potatoes that start trouble?

Agitators

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevindavis338
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2022
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People say having a missing toe makes you more easily agitated with people, but honestly I’m more chill.

Guess I Lack toes and Tolerant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeoNite
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Why is agitating your dough the best way to make bread?

You have to get a rise out of it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Why are Germans always so agitated?

They’ve all got a Hannover.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R4R03B
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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Lost my court case today; the only proof of my innocence was a sample of oily water.

The judge said it was immiscible as evidence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RelevantSneer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2021
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Dad agitated my sister while she was having a tantrum.

Sister: I'm ANNOYED!!!

Dad: Good! ... We need more noids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Howzitgowen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
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It’s a long one

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyerΒ persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."

She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bak_286
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2022
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What do you call a potato that likes to cause trouble?

An agitator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2021
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What do you call an annoying potatoe?

Agitator

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evensnowdies
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
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True story

A friend was getting married in a small church. I was part of the wedding party, and we were at wedding practice, making sure everything went off without a hitch. We noticed the bride to be seemed a bit agitated, so we asked her what was wrong.

"The church is so small," she said, "which I love - but where will we fit the musicians? we hired three string musicians to play us in and out of the wedding and there doesn't seem to be any place for them to play!"

I looked at my friend and his bride-to-be and smiled.

"You have nothing to worry about. Haven't you heard...?" They shook their heads in unison.

"THERE'S ALWAYS ROOM FOR CELLO."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranseler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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Insulting bus driver.

A woman got on a bus, holding a baby. The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind." "That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sasquatchit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toggle2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2013
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My wife hates it when I wash delicates on the casual setting...

She gets too agitated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bb5x24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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Why did the man destroy his Washer?

It was agitating

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majoroniell
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Classic driving dad joke

My mom my dad and I were driving home and my dad didn’t know if he should turn left or right up ahead so he asked my mom (who was already agitated) for directions. She said, β€œLook like any driver and find out.” My dad responded, β€œI look like any driver but I still don’t know.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deanj2003
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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I think my laundry detergent didn't appreciate me pouring it in the washer.

I don't know why, but it just seems agitated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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That's the trouble with fans

They're always agitators.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geldonyetich
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Doing the laundry

I was staring the laundry, and accidently dropped a sock as I carried the pile of clothes to the washing machine.

My wife picked it up and teasingly said "your dropped a sock".

I responded "geeze, who kew doing the laundry could be so agitating".

The look of confusion, then shock and statements of "no... No... Why!" were worth it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuranei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.

I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Exallium
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2015
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Not a dad, but I think I cracked a pretty decent one today

I was at band practice, and my friend was getting agitated by a bee that was flying around him.

Me:"What're you doing?" Him:"There's a bee that's flying around me and it won't go away." Me: "Well then just let it...be"

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2014
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