Adoptee Puns

UPDATE: CLOSED I have reached 100 adoptee quotes and I am finalizing the submissions/article. I’ll share the link when it’s finished. If you happen to read this after the project is closed, please save your quote and consider adding it to the comment section of the article once published. The comments can go on forever and stay with the life of the page.

Many thanks to all who participated! Much love!

I’m searching for 100 Adoptee Quotes (uncensored and unfiltered) that Honor the Truth and Reality of Adoption from the Adoptees Perspective. (**I have reached 75, 25 still needed)

Must be your original thoughts and not someone else’s. I’m going to feature all 100 quotes in an article that I’m putting together and it will be shared on my website. (Link in about section)

•Your quote shouldn’t be longer than 4 sentences please.

•You can use your whole name, first name and last initial or remain anonymous. Please be sure to specify when leaving your quote which you prefer, or I won’t be able to post it.

• Please have them to me by Sunday, January 9, 2022.

You can leave your quote here on this thread or inbox them to me.

Thank you in advance to all those who wish to participate!

My spouse and I are considering adopting our second child. We are birth parents to our first one.

This sub has proved to be very useful for us in educating ourselves through the pre & post adoption process. We are getting useful insights to how various adoptive parents are raising their adoptee's in being as transparent as possible about their birth parents.

One of our concern (if I may call it..) is how influential can birth parents be in the life of an adoptee? What are the chances of birth parents wanting to stay connected all the time - like texts and video calls? Would that cause a child as they grow up to reunite with their birth parents, more often than not?

We are all up for parenting the child in being fully transparent. But we are not sure if a situation ever arises where the child gets more attached to their birth parents than the adoptive parents. Would love to hear some of your thoughts on this.

[Edit: By birth parents, I mean we are biological parents to our first one. And no, we are not giving up our first child for adoption]

[Edit 2: I'm really touched by all the insightful comments. I absolutely respect and would love to Foster the relationship of an adoptee & birth parents. My worries mostly stems from if birth parents get opinionated about their child's upbringing and the how they're being raised. We've only been looking into the adoption for the past few days and I'm taking this opportunity to educate myself from you folks]

I have recently been informed that many adoptees are vehemently against adoption. I agree that the system is corrupt and that children should not be “sold” through agencies. I am a transracial adoptee (Chinese adopted by white parents) and my brother is also adopted (from Korea). While all adoptions certainly carry their own trauma and each situation is different, overall, I am extremely grateful that I was adopted because my alternative would have been much worse. My adopted parents were not ideal (alcoholic father and narcissistic mother), but I was given opportunities by being in the US that would have been literally impossible in China. Of course, I have trauma and mental issues associated with my adoption and so did my brother. I agree that family preservation and access to resources for mothers should be available so that adoption is not the only option. But for me, my mother literally gave me up at 6 months old and abandoned me.

With all that being said, is the best method of ensuring that kids in the adoption system have access to the best homes? I am trying to wrap my mind around why adopted kids can be so against adoption when their alternative would have been much worse. Sorry if I am sounding uneducated, but I really do not understand. Thank you in advance for your responses!

So I’m 41 and adopted from Guatemala when I was 4 months, my husband is 42 and adopted from Vietnam when he was 3. We have 9 adopted children(8 international, 1 from foster care). I know my birth mother and I love her so much. I’ve gone to Guatemala to visit her many times.

My husbands birth mother abandoned him after she found out about his disabilities. She left him in a trash dump to die. Someone heard him screaming and found him and took him to an orphanage luckily. But he has no respect for his mother. He is very close with his bio sisters but he will never want to see his mother.

All of my children are disabled and most were abandoned for their disabilities. One of my 13YO’s said in an adoptee support group that even though China has bad health care and maybe her mother wanted what’s best for her it hurts knowing that she would have been kept if she was able bodied. The leader of the support group got very mad at her saying that you can’t disrespect birth mothers there. It was supposed to be a place to “discuss your honest feeling about your adoption” but I guess it wasn’t.

I want opinions. Obviously everyone has different situations. All my kids differ, my 16YO knows her Korean father who now lives in Canada and we’ve gone to visit him.

1st time reddit user. i just signed up 5 minutes ago and this is my 1st post so please excuse me if im off format. I didn't even know how to post this...

About 18 years ago my (currently 44 M) daughter was given up for adoption without my consent. I wasn't allowed in the delivery room even though the doctors and nurses called me the father. (Need i say i wasn't allowed to sign the birth certificate? And my name was NOT put on it.) While security was dragging me out, the mother was signing adoption papers. It was an open adoption (I think) because the mother was allowed visitation by the adoptive parents. They didn't want me involved. i guess they were afraid i would speak up and claim her. BUT since birth mother felt bad for me (after a year) she brought me with her to see our daughter on her 1st and 2nd birthday. It's been 16 years now, and i MISS MY DAUGHTER SO MUCH! I lost contact with the birth mother over the years, so idk if she still keeps contact. I'm trying to find my daughter!! She should be 18 by now. She was born Oct. of 2003. IDK anything but the adoptive last name. I just don't know how to spell it (it's a polish name). i remember how to pronounce it though (lol). I don't know what agency she used for the adoption or any other info on it. The birth mother (my ex) refuses to talk to me. I cant afford an attorney... Is there any way for me to search for my daughter? Or am i stuck waiting in hopes she realizes she has a biological father dying to know her?

Thanks in advance for any help i receive...

This is on behalf of an acquaintance of mine, who is relatively new to Portland (moved here since the pandemic) and doesn't have a network of people to rely on. She found out over the Thanksgiving break that the people she thought were her parents are not, and the circumstances of her adoption might be suspicious.

If there are folks out there who know of any adult adoptee support groups, resources, etc, I'd love to know so I can pass that information on to her. If you know of any counselors or therapists who focus on this particular type of trauma, that would also be helpful (I know everyone has waitlists but I'll take whatever resources I can get to share with her). Thank you!

I (26F) have been biding my time waiting for my mum (F56) to tell me she’s adopted since I found out 10 years ago.

Info: I have one younger brother and my mum is a single parent after the death of my father. My mum and her sister (aunt) were both adopted by my grandparents and are non-biological sisters. Im unsure if they were raised knowing or if they were told at a young age, but they definitely both knew during early childhood. My aunt is close with her birth family and contacted them herself. My mum, on the other hand, apparently will not speak of it to anyone. Close friends and family are aware and it wouldn’t matter to me one bit. However, I’m assuming it matters to her in ways I can’t even begin to understand.

I was made aware when my aunt (my mum’s only sister) introduced me to her bio-family. I was confused upon meeting aunt’s sisters as I believed my aunt’s only sister was my mum. My aunt assumed I knew about their adoptions, as why wouldn’t I have been told, why would it be a secret? She no choice but to explain and begged me not to tell my mum I know they’re both adopted. I have acted dumb for 10 years. In the past, my mum has had poor reactions to people finding out, so she clearly harbours some negative feelings that she maybe hasn’t worked through. My maternal grandfather also knows I know and he is very open to talking about it, but I don’t want to discuss this without my mum present as I believe that to be unfair.

As children, my aunt told my mum’s childhood best friend that they were both adopted, and my mum lashed out at my aunt.

Before I knew, I remember doctors asking me about family history and my mum telling me I was talking nonsense when I mentioned my grandparents’ medical issues, etc. Recently, my mum’s friend asked in front of me if she was adopted and my mum became visibly uncomfortable, to the point it was extremely obvious as to what the answer was.

This may not have been the correct response on my part, but I saw the first natural opportunity in 10 years for her to tell me, so on the way home I acted dumb and asked why she reacted that way. My mum ignored me. I followed up by saying that regardless, it’s not something that changes anything. She ignored me and walked ahead so I dropped it.

My question to you guys here would be: can you help me to understand possible reasons as to why my mum would go to such great lengths to keep this a secret from her children??? I can understand reluctance to tell strangers, but your

In my late future, when I become stable enough to support myself and someone else I plan to adopt. I know I have a lot of learning and research to do before I dive in so why not ask reddit in the meantime.

Let me tell you a bit about me. I (20-25yo) specifically want to adopt teenagers. I do not want to have children of my own simply because there are other kids out there that need help. I also know the drastic difference between baby adoption and teen adoption it is scary. I would love to help a young-adult get a solid ground before going into adulthood.

What are the most important points you could give any parents who adopt? Anything you wished someone understood or took serious? I know no one can completely understand what someone else expirienced but it does help for perspective.

Do you think being adopted at 2 could cause this disorder ?

I think I’ve found my mothers birth parents via Ancestrydna but no one in their families can confirm…

Does anyone know if it’s possible for a child of an adoptee to get their adoption records from an adoption in Washington DC? My mom passed away in 2018 so the adoptee isn’t available to make the request..

I was adopted from South Korea as a baby, and I’ve realized that my parents know next to nothing about my origin.

My mother told me all my life I was born in Seoul, but when I looked through my adoption paperwork (that she has access to), it says I was born in Busan. She told me that my middle name was my “Korean name”. But no, my legal middle name is a misspelling and mispronunciation of a first name that should be two syllables (which is extremely common in Korea).

I grew up wearing a kimono in family photos because it was “close enough,” hearing stories about how people had to tell my mother why dressing her child up as a geisha for Halloween might not be the best idea.

Why a child from Korea? The only answer I’ve received is that it’s cause “they make the most beautiful babies.”

I have a biological uncle I didn’t know about. I learned my foster mother’s name for the first time by myself yesterday. I shouldn’t have to learn information about myself now as an adult that my parents didn’t care enough to learn about when I was a child.

I’m so angry. While I know that my adoptive parents love me, it feels like I was an aesthetic choice. It feels like I was a doll on display and the responsibility of teaching me about where I came from or even doing a bare minimum of research on the country I was born in didn’t matter to them.

Like the usual joke introverts look for an extrovert to adopt them

I was asked by numerous people for an update so here y'all go. I had made a post just under a month ago and found a half sister. I'm supposed to be meeting her January 8th. Very nervous and excited.

On 23+me I have 1,500 distant relatives. This last week however, a distant cousin reached out and we realized that we share a great Grandfather. Last name Maldonado. His nickname was "El capitan" because he was on boats a lot and he had 13 kids that the family knew of. Keywords here: KNEW. OF. My family is much larger than I think I can even comprehend.

Context to my adoption that is relevant. When I was adopted, my parents got a missing childrens poster with four children that looked like me and may have had my bio dads last name. I shared this information with the distant cousin and after a bit of time she realized that the last name I gave is indeed a family name. Not only is it a family name, he, much like my great grandfather, was promiscuous. This man also may live in the city I live in.

It's a lot to take in. I have since ordered an ancestry kit. I don't know how to reach out to this man or the brothers and maybe even sister I have.

My question to all of you that have found long lost family, did you meet? How did it go? How did the conversations go? Do you stay in touch? How do you build a relationship later in life?

Hi there!

I was camping at the pound and saw a Pirate Krawk up for adoption!

I snagged it immediately. I've always wanted a Krawk! Then I see his name is Scout_Spunk.

I know spunky is an attitude, but I've also heard how TNT can be. This pet is 11 years old and hasn't been in trouble yet. But, am I at risk for being in trouble because of the pet I adopted?

Thanks for the help. I haven't played since 2008, so I'm not really up to date on the atmosphere of Neopets anymore.

I have two questions:

1. How do you guys here on the Subreddit feel about Native American adoptees?
2. Would you all recommend learning about my (Mayan) culture from a first-hand perspective? I’ve always loved learning, and learning about Native Cultures as a whole has always been particularly fascinating to me. However, learning from articles, books, and documentaries feels artificial to me. It feels like I’m learning as an outsider as opposed to someone rediscovering his culture. I feel guilty for learning Spanish before K’iche, which I haven’t learned yet.

I grew up in the US, child of a brown, racially-ambiguous father adopted as an infant in the 60s and a white mom. Parents divorced at a very young age and I grew up in an almost exclusively white world.

Since being a kid, I remember being constantly racialized as a brown person—one teacher insisted I was “Mexican” and not white, as I claimed to be. White family members made constant remarks about my hair and skin tone. In college, many white people I met wanted to know “what I was” and I tended to feel most comfortable and accepted with mexican-americans and other latine people.

After finding out about the history of native adoptions throughout the 20th century, I reluctantly allowed myself to consider the possibility that could be part of my father’s experience. I began to dig through family history, took an ancestry test and found that I had many extended relatives, including very close family members, in a town which is the base of a FRT. I began to do research on this tribe and found, by running tribal surnames through the database, that I am related to many people in it. I reached out to the tribe for more information that could help me better understand my connection, but I did not receive a response.

As I did more research and began reaching out to newly-connected 1st-2nd cousins, I learned that the FRT has historically excluded certain bands/individuals from enrolling because of very old beef, despite the fact that, according to the original claims that this FRT successfully submitted to the BIA, all of these bands should be enrolled. There are tons of local news archives detailing disputes between the FRT and these smaller groups. I learned that as a result of this exclusion, these groups have independently filed for recognition, and none have been successful. A very close relative of mine is the director of one of these groups and submitted documents to the BIA.

While all these findings have led to a greater sense of personal peace, it definitely has been discouraging to find out about these disputes that have certainly caused a ton of generational pain. It’s been relieving to know more about my family history, but frustrating to find this deep conflict that has persisted for decades. That’s all I want to say, I guess.

I wonder if anyone has similar experiences with situations like this, whether these situations are common, and how people deal with these barriers, on personal and community levels. If I was vague with the details, I apolo

So I took in a cat three years ago, she’s estimated to be between 15-18 years of age, she’s hard of hearing if not completely deaf, and, this is important, her previous owner sadly had her front paws declawed. Because of this, she’s really shy around everyone except me. She trusts me, but she will hide from everyone who comes over. It’s just me and her, I live alone, and I work all the time. Here’s the thing: I feel so guilty every time I leave her. I just know she’s sitting in silence all day long. I play bird videos for her, I’ll hide treats around the apartment for her to sniff out, she has a lot of toys that she sometimes still plays with, but I can’t stand the fact that she just sits around all day. Obviously I’m hesitant to adopt another cat, I don’t want to ruin her life, but recently I’ve thought maybe I can get another elderly cat? I just don’t know, it’s already like walking on eggshells around her because she’s so skittish. Do you all think it would be possible and/or beneficial for her to get another old kitty?

Hi everyone, I am a Chinese adoptee now living in the US. I was adopted by white evangelicals in upstate NY, so I grew up distanced from most of my culture. In high school, I started reading philosophy and got exposed to eastern and marxist works, which spurred interest in my heritage. Now at university and double majoring in comp sci and philo...

When I was struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts a few years ago, I began to practice and started reading sutras and doing nianfo and meditation regularly. It is amazing how well this praxis works, so I now believe buddhism and I eat 素食 now.

In the future, the goal is to go back to china and learn more about buddhism and daoism in a more authentic environment and be able to have a larger community of people who share philosophical interests. I have some connections in academia/politics scene who are helping me publicize adoptee issues there.

Is anyone here familiar with the repat experience or is another adoptee? Also curious if anyone is familiar with the religious scene in Zhejiang (my home province), or would recommend good unis for STS and philo. Thanks

message me in chinese or english if you want to have a long discussion

I’m Chinese adopted by a white family. I love my parents but occasionally they get on my nerves. Sometimes they mock Chinese accents and it annoys me a lot. When I tell them to stop they say that I’m no fun. I know there are some Chinese people who don’t mind when white people do Chinese accents but it really bothers me and I don’t even know why. They say some other stuff that is questionably racist. I’ve talked about how I don’t like some of the stuff they say but they respond by justifying what they said and they think I’m being closed minded. Is this just something I have to live with?

so my mother was adopted by two european parents, who didn't tell her she was adopted neither exposed her to her biological family's culture. she found out she was adopted after both my grandparents were already deceased, because one of my grandmother's closest friends accidentally said something suspicious and my mother decided to figure out the rest. my grandmother used to call her chinese as a nickname, and growing up she was bullied a lot for having both black and asian characteristics.

now, what we gathered is that my mother is 1/4 chinese. we don't have a way to find out her biological family and gather more information, since her biological mother has also died a long time ago. i know these struggles aren't mine (even though i'm 1/4 indigenous and have my own struggles with that), but all of this makes me feel so alienated. i've always felt drawn to asian culture and so has my mother, but i'm having a hard time reconciling that inside me. i want to feel a part of something that at the same time doesn't feel like it should be mine.

i appreciate if you could give me any advice on how to tackle these feelings. has anyone else felt that way before?

thank you for your time. also, do tell me if i have to flair the post in any way and i'll adjust it.

Longshot, but I have never met anyone else born in Ulan- Ude, Russia or Siberia. Anyone else here adopted from Siberia? Buriyats are an indigenous nomadic culture in Russia. I have never known another adoptee from Siberia, but if that sounds like you and you’d like to talk, I’d love to pick your brain about your experiences and ways of learning about Buriyat culture (since it is not widely researched). Just thought I’d give it a shot, thank you.

The episode aired just a few days ago, I think. Here's a link-- https://www.nbc.com/dateline/video/horror-at-the-lake/9000190887

Wondering what people's thoughts are. Just a warning, this story was kind of triggering for me emotionally, so I do recommend some discretion if you want to watch this episode.

It is very easy for a stranger or someone who has no emotional or monetary stake in an adoption or adoption in general and tells you that this is what you should do. I love it when I hear someone say this. I guess you go home and forget what happened. You can't and you never do.

I'm a shameful reminder to my birth mother as to what happened. She has basically controlled when and if I come into her life. I'm not allowed to enter into her children's life (half-siblings). They don't know that I exist. She hasn't spoken to me in several years.

I don't have contact with my birth father who I only met once. I don't think he knew what to do with me. His wife saw me as a threat.

Her pregnancy with me was a very stressful time in her life. She was treated like crap. Her punishment which was typical of the early 1960's was being sent away to a home. Everyone in the town that she lived in knew about it. She was also very young - 15 years old when she had me.

I strongly believe when a woman is pregnant that the fetus picks up the emotions that the mother feels. This isn't healthy when someone is this stressed out while they are pregnant. I know that my birth mother wasn't the only woman who was stressed during pregnancy. Certainly if you were having a child out of wedlock and all the emotions that went with the shame and embarrassment you were supposed to feel, everyone wanted you to feel this way for daring to have sex outside of marriage with proof of it, you had different stress than the married respectable woman who gives birth.

I was put up for adoption at birth but wasn't taken to my adoptive family for two weeks. When I was presented to my adoptive mother, I was sweating and reeked of urine and poop. When my diaper was being changed, it was evident that it wasn't something that just happened but I had sat it for a while. The nurse didn't bother to change me, which you think she would have. My birth mother didn't like this nurse and didn't seemed too surprised when I told her this.

I had a good life growing up. One thing that I've had as long as I can remember is being anxious at times and worried. I was bullied which made this worse as I worried about being bullied all the time in school. Sometimes I would be anxious outside of school and not know why. Because I came from a stable background with no abuse, it was hard to understand why I felt this way.

I might add that no one in the family that I grew up with was anxio

Hi everyone!

I wanted to reach out to this community because I’m hoping to find some support for a project relating to adoption.

I’m adopted and recently found out a lot more about myself and my birth family through 23&me. It brought up a lot of identity questions I thought had been put to rest by now (I’m 30). Basically I had been raised up until now being told I was Hispanic but it turns out I’m actually just tan and am 95% French.

So after this bizarre bombshell I started looking at a lot of adoption support resources and found that a lot of it was polarising and I wanted something different.

I have decided to start an Instagram account (think humansofny) called WhoElseWeAre that features adoptees but doesn’t necessarily dive in to all of the “adoption questions”. Ideally I’m hoping to talk to people about who they are at this point in their life, relationships that helped shape them, and what they’re passionate about.

I’m happy to discuss bio families, histories, and adopted family dynamics for context but I’m really hoping to create a space where adoptees are reminded that we are more than the adoption “trauma” or “blessing” and show other people’s stories as a form of support and solidarity.

Please let me know if you would be interested or had any thoughts! You can reach me here , @whoelseweare (Instagram) or whoelseweare@gmail.com!

Also any feedback would be welcome too as I’m just starting out!

Thanks, Katharine

Are there any adoptees out there who became therapists, perhaps specializing in adoption? I imagine there are a lot out there.

I was born in Russia in 2004 and was put up for adoption by my birth mom until I was adopted by an American couple a year later in 2005. I only recently found out that I have several mental health problems related to my adoption

1. Every once in a while I'll get really bad intrusive thoughts, some of them violent, but they all involve me doing or saying something bad that leads to me getting rejected by people
2. I feel as though I don't deserve anything
3. I feel that everybody is fake and that nobody really cares about me or anyone else
4. I feel the subconscious need to control my friends, I get mad when they talk to other people because I feel as though they are rejecting and abandoning me

Do any of you have advice for how I can heal from my adoption and possibly live a normal life?

I have recently been informed that many adoptees are vehemently against adoption. I agree that the system is corrupt and that children should not be “sold” through agencies. I am a transracial adoptee (Chinese adopted by white parents) and my brother is also adopted (from Korea). While all adoptions certainly carry their own trauma and each situation is different, overall, I am extremely grateful that I was adopted because my alternative would have been much worse. My adopted parents were not ideal (alcoholic father and narcissistic mother), but I was given opportunities by being in the US that would have been literally impossible in China. Of course, I have trauma and mental issues associated with my adoption and so did my brother. I agree that family preservation and access to resources for mothers should be available so that adoption is not the only option. But for me, my mother literally gave me up at 6 months old and abandoned me.

With all that being said, is the best method of ensuring that kids in the adoption system have access to the best homes? I am trying to wrap my mind around why adopted kids can be so against adoption when their alternative would have been much worse. Sorry if I am sounding uneducated, but I really do not understand. Thank you in advance for your responses!