My wife just told me that you can strain curdled milk, then use the resulting liquid as a food additive! I was like, "no way!"

She said, "whey!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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Subtraction, addition, multiplication, and
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apexalator_22
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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Straight from my 6 yr old.

What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?

Dino-snore.

I ugly laughed at this and she thought it was the best.

Edit: wow, thanks for the awards! I told my daughter she got 500 likes and she started dancing. Thank you!

πŸ‘︎ 553
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianX09
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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Thought of this while I was teaching my little brother about the wonderful world of colors
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Global_Warming_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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BREAKING :: Lebanese President Michel Aoun states there will be no additional disaster relief funds for those affected by blast.

A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RangerHikes
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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In addition to Taiwan, the US has also sold torpedoes to Vietnam. Rather than pay money, they traded with a huge bulk of food. The weapons are now called ...

Pho Ton Torpedoes.

(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Metalprof
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Why is carrot more faithful than hummus?

The carrot sticks but the hummus dips.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/y6ird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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In The Matrix, Neo's mother was good at addition

She knew how to carry The One

πŸ‘︎ 567
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πŸ‘€︎ u/polyworfism
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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I'm putting an addition on my roof.

It's a little room where I can sit and watch movies like The Godfather and Apocalypse Now.
It's a Francis Ford Cupola.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheREALProfPyro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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My teacher says I'm pretty good at addition but I'm terrible at subtraction.

I don't get the difference.

πŸ‘︎ 483
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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Why does it feel so good to find the solution to addition problems?

The answer is always whole-sum

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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My friend asked me, "what's even good about math?"

Well, addition is a big plus

(Credit to my 9 year old sister)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GREENHOWLER18
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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My brother-in-law taught his offspring a seasoning that is an excellent addition to omelets and egg strata...

It was good father-son-thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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In addition to being a pacifist, Gandhi was a baker.

Because of this, he made a lot of Naan-violence.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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Son: Dad, in math, does the word product mean to use addition?

Dad: No son, I think you need sum vocabulary lessons.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason_Boyd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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My friend Adam was telling me how, in addition to marrying a hot super model whose daddy bought the house he lives in and the car he drives just for marrying his daughter, he was also sexing up a hot stewardess. I found it hard to believe...

Because Adams make up everything!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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In addition to fixing customers shoes, the local cobbler moonlighted as a shoe salesman...

He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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An Arabian camel wanted to race in the Kentucky Derby but couldn't because in addition to being a camel, he had a hump.

So he came up with a plan: he would have his hump removed surgically and run as a horse in the Derby. He went online and finally found a plastic surgeon who would do the operation. And lo and behold, the first time he entered the Derby he won by 20 lengths!
Back in the desert, every time a camel friend would come over, he would boast pompously about his win, talking about nothing else. Pretty soon, his friends stopped coming over. So he has to go to the camel bar to see them. Upon entering the bar, one of his tired friends says to another, "oh no! Here comes Hump free braggart."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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I can't believe my ex wanted the expanse of open rolling infertile land in addition to my trailer home...

She wanted my mansion and moor!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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The guy from dirty jobs is so talented!

In addition to his handiwork he has a really cool hidden talent. It’s almost like a superpower. With just the simplest gesture he can turn anything scalding hot. We call it the Mike Rowe wave.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrLionbear
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Is tea with additional salt

Salt-tea?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubingWithAlex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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Feeling a little low, I decided to peruse the local record shop for a new addition to my music collection.

Drifting down the alphabetised rock section, nothing really appealed to me from A-M. Disappointed, I moved around to the other side of the rack when suddenly I felt uplifted, content and at one with the universe. I had reached Nirvana.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yetanotherrob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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[MOD POST] Hunting for an additional moderator. Read and apply within.

EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.

( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )

Hey everybody,

The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.

Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.

You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.

That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.

So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.

Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:

  • You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
  • You have a good sense of humour
  • You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
  • You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
  • You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
  • You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
  • You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
  • Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required

Here's what I am not looking for:

  • Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
  • An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
  • A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say

If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
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I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.

I just want to make a difference.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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I read earlier that the zoo was installing an exercise equipment addition to the marine mammal exhibit to help make the animals stronger.

They're going to have a bunch of flex seals on their hands.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SchitzPopinov719
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Found this on IG
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pnohgi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Did you hear about the guy trying out for editor for the sums series of Math Magazine?

It was an addition edition audition.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smrkk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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The Bun Huggers Lounge in Flagstaff, AZ has "additional parking in rear."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddras
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2017
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There’s a fine line between a division sign and a addition sign
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnortingLed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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What do you call a dog that loves addition?

a sum bitch

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shitty_Orangutan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2018
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I recently bought the perfect addition for my Batman themed bathroom...

... A bottle of Conditioner Gordon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_F_SMILES
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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What do you call a person of colour?

A 'hue' man.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amiahcaraveo1998
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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β€ͺIn addition to themselves, some monarchs also refer to their liquid waste using plural pronouns.

It is, after all, the royal wee.‬

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElLordHighBueno
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2018
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How can you tell when the God of Thunder has been doing Addition?

It's easy: it stands out like a Thor Sum.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuhnaydeein
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
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At my brother's home addition

My brother was remodeling his house and a new bedroom was almost completed except for cleanup of sawdust, caulking, and other random construction leftover bits.

I grabbed a shop vac hose and began cleaning, making sure to point out that it made a pretty good caulk-sucker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bocephis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2015
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"Dad, can you do my math homework for me?"

"No son, it wouldn't be right."

"Well, at least you could try."

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
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A geologist is showing off some the latest additions to her collection

when coincidentally another geologist passes by. These 'gems' catch his eyes. His curiosity becomes anger and he exclaims,

"I just had a few prized finds of my own go missing a few days ago. Where did you get these!?".

The other geologist replies, "Well, that's none of your Bismuth".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afrotronics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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Foiled it.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rvghteous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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Sister's fiance is going to be a welcome addition to the family

Fiance: "I'm feeling a little bit light headed." -proceeds to put head into the hands of my sister as if hands were a scale.

I clapped for about 20 seconds and then gave him a hug.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAnanderson2034
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2013
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The double pun
πŸ‘︎ 879
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryyi23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
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With so much madness in the world today, I'm trying hard to Compose myself...

But I'm going to need a minuet to get a Handel on things, so please Holst on. There's no Haydn from reality, even if I can't stanza much more. I'm guessing the current madness originated in Britten - possibly during the Brahms age. Alas, I'm so Bizet writing my Chopin Liszt I will have to get Bach to you later when I'm Abel to compose my thoughts on how to overcome. GRRRRR.... I keep forgetting to purchase rainbow Schubert and must write that down. I also have to fix my microwave which Baroque earlier today when my son tried to Satie some vegetables. I do wish he would've refrained. Oh, I still have to go to the Barber as well. But, I digress... Once the madness calms down I hope y'all can Ravel in the moment. If you don't understand it, though, that's okay - it's all Grieg to me and I don't want to cause y'all any additional Strauss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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I heard that there’s an Australian tea harvested from the tops of Eucalyptus trees

It’s pretty high koala tea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dd0sed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Shampoo

This morning my girlfriend was telling me about her new shampoo, that comes without additives and sulfates and all that jazz.

GF: It's called "no poo" shampoo

Me: Sounds like a bit of a sham to me

She didn't get it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENGERLUND
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
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Spicy thanksgiving dadjoke....and a bonus brother-in-law addition!

Honey, can you give me some sage advice on cutting the turkey? B-I-L addition: We'll give you some tyme.....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ja647
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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What did the tutor call the 4th year art student's work?

A masterpiece

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExterminatorRex
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
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I’m going to open a math tutoring business.

I’ll name it Limited Addition.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Entree_The_Giant
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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The answer to an addition problem is the...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdParagon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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My teacher says I'm pretty good at addition but I'm terrible at subtraction.

I don't get the difference.

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
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