She said, "whey!"
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
Dino-snore.
I ugly laughed at this and she thought it was the best.
Edit: wow, thanks for the awards! I told my daughter she got 500 likes and she started dancing. Thank you!
A real Lebaneezer Scrooge.
The carrot sticks but the hummus dips.
Pho Ton Torpedoes.
(A consequence of reading a front page post about the sale to Taiwan while watching ST:TNG.)
It's a little room where I can sit and watch movies like The Godfather and Apocalypse Now.
It's a Francis Ford Cupola.
She knew how to carry The One
I don't get the difference.
Well, addition is a big plus
(Credit to my 9 year old sister)
The answer is always whole-sum
It was good father-son-thyme.
Because of this, he made a lot of Naan-violence.
Dad: No son, I think you need sum vocabulary lessons.
He often found old used shoes in thrift stores and re-soled them.
Because Adams make up everything!
In addition to his handiwork he has a really cool hidden talent. It’s almost like a superpower. With just the simplest gesture he can turn anything scalding hot. We call it the Mike Rowe wave.
So he came up with a plan: he would have his hump removed surgically and run as a horse in the Derby. He went online and finally found a plastic surgeon who would do the operation. And lo and behold, the first time he entered the Derby he won by 20 lengths!
Back in the desert, every time a camel friend would come over, he would boast pompously about his win, talking about nothing else. Pretty soon, his friends stopped coming over. So he has to go to the camel bar to see them.
Upon entering the bar, one of his tired friends says to another, "oh no! Here comes Hump free braggart."
She wanted my mansion and moor!
Drifting down the alphabetised rock section, nothing really appealed to me from A-M. Disappointed, I moved around to the other side of the rack when suddenly I felt uplifted, content and at one with the universe. I had reached Nirvana.
I just want to make a difference.
EDIT: I am now closing applications and will make a decision in the next day or so. Thank you to everybody who applied - the general enthusiasm and support is wonderful to see.
( as this is a self post, I receive no karma - however I would appreciate it if you upvoted purely for visibility <3 )
Hey everybody,
The /r/dadjokes community is now over 85,000 subscribers strong. That's pretty great. Pretty super great.
Thus far, over the entire existence of this sub, I have been the only mod. Quietly watching, taking your feedback, removing a post here, approving another there - doing my best not to interfere too much. I'm going to be honest, it hasn't been that hard.
You lot are generally a pretty nice bunch, give or take a few of the more vocal lunatics. There isn't usually a lot of work to be done, or issues that need resolving.
That said, I'm not awake all the time. I can't lurk on Reddit all the time. I don't have all-seeing eyes.
So it's about time I gave another pair of eyes moderator status and entrusted those eyes with a duty of care.
Let's get down to the chase; here's what I'm looking for in an additional mod:
- You live in a very different timezone to Syd, AU - GMT+10
- You have a good sense of humour
- You're not in this purely to grow your 'net rep
- You're interested in being fair, and maintaining fairness
- You maintain civility in yourself and your responses at all times
- You have a bit of time every day to go through reports, spam, and post comments
- You understand that your moderatorship will initially be a trial, and can be revoked at any time if you aren't being magical and rad
- Some general CSS/subreddit formatting knowledge wouldn't go astray, but is not required
Here's what I am not looking for:
- Strong, cemented opinions about what constitutes a dad joke and what doesn't - everybody's dad and humour is different
- An overzealous post remover - I am not looking for an enforcer, the title moderator implies moderation
- A(nother) dictator - it is my preference that this subreddit be gently guided, and not forcibly ruled, we let the community find itself and we listen to what they say
If you wish to apply for the title and duty of being a moderator to /r/dadjokes, simply state your case (why you should be selected, what benefits or experience you bring, etc) in a comment reply to this thread. I will then get in touch with the most worthy seeming applicants. Upvotes and downvites will not be taken int
... keep reading on reddit ➡They're going to have a bunch of flex seals on their hands.
It was an addition edition audition.
a sum bitch
... A bottle of Conditioner Gordon.
A 'hue' man.
It is, after all, the royal wee.
It's easy: it stands out like a Thor Sum.
My brother was remodeling his house and a new bedroom was almost completed except for cleanup of sawdust, caulking, and other random construction leftover bits.
I grabbed a shop vac hose and began cleaning, making sure to point out that it made a pretty good caulk-sucker.
"No son, it wouldn't be right."
"Well, at least you could try."
when coincidentally another geologist passes by. These 'gems' catch his eyes. His curiosity becomes anger and he exclaims,
"I just had a few prized finds of my own go missing a few days ago. Where did you get these!?".
The other geologist replies, "Well, that's none of your Bismuth".
But I'm going to need a minuet to get a Handel on things, so please Holst on. There's no Haydn from reality, even if I can't stanza much more. I'm guessing the current madness originated in Britten - possibly during the Brahms age. Alas, I'm so Bizet writing my Chopin Liszt I will have to get Bach to you later when I'm Abel to compose my thoughts on how to overcome. GRRRRR.... I keep forgetting to purchase rainbow Schubert and must write that down. I also have to fix my microwave which Baroque earlier today when my son tried to Satie some vegetables. I do wish he would've refrained. Oh, I still have to go to the Barber as well. But, I digress... Once the madness calms down I hope y'all can Ravel in the moment. If you don't understand it, though, that's okay - it's all Grieg to me and I don't want to cause y'all any additional Strauss.
Fiance: "I'm feeling a little bit light headed." -proceeds to put head into the hands of my sister as if hands were a scale.
I clapped for about 20 seconds and then gave him a hug.
It’s pretty high koala tea
This morning my girlfriend was telling me about her new shampoo, that comes without additives and sulfates and all that jazz.
GF: It's called "no poo" shampoo
Me: Sounds like a bit of a sham to me
She didn't get it.
Honey, can you give me some sage advice on cutting the turkey? B-I-L addition: We'll give you some tyme.....
A masterpiece
I’ll name it Limited Addition.
I don't get the difference.
