TIL Heath Ledger's brother is an accountant.
His name is General Ledger.
What is the favorite mode of transportation for accountants?
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn’t budget, so he had to work it out with a pencil.
What is an accountant's favourite season?
Why are accountants scared to go outside?
Because it's accrual world out there.
Accountant: what is your gross income?
My dad: there's no need to insult my income like that.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He worked it out with a calculator.
Why do accountants sleep so well at night?
Why did the accountant join a cult?
Because he found their compound interesting.
An accountant was under review at his firm
He was asked the value of a dozen dozens, to which he promptly replied "132", instead of 144.
He was fired for gross misrepresentation.
What do you call a procrastinating accountant?
What does an accountant do when he's constipated?
Works it out with a pencil.
Why is it you never see a little person working as an accountant?
Because they’re always coming up short.
Don't ever lend books to an accountant...
Most of them are bookkeepers
I gave my wife a slutty girl accountant for her birthday and she asked me, "What the hell is this?"
"Well...it's the thot that counts."
What do you call a British accountant who moonlights as a sex worker?
my wife is considering becoming an accountant
It's the thought that counts
My son said he wants to be an accountant when he grows up.
I warned him it’s an accrual, accrual world.
I’m an accountant for Hallmark... they throw me out of casinos now because I’m a “professional card counter”.
Have you heard about the accountant who was caught stealing money from a honey company?
He was charged with embeezzlement
I used to have a day job as an accountant and do yoga as a hobby.
I had to quit though. It became too much of a balancing act.
Why did the accountant dump his girlfriend?
My accountant wife really likes her adding machine
I know accountant that is always tired
I believe his job is very taxing.
What do you call a joke with which an accountant makes fun of himself?
How does an accountant make his bed?
I got a new job recently as a junior accountant, I’m enjoying it so far but..
Most days I find the work very taxing.
After messing up my tax return forms yet again, my accountant said to me: "you're such a liability....."
"... you should be on a balance sheet"...
Did you hear about the accountant who hated negative numbers?
...he would stop at nothing to avoid them.
So i matched with an accountant on a dating site...
And I asked her how she liked her job.
Her (paraphrased) reply: "I love it, what's great about working with numbers is that there's always a right answer."
Me: "I love it when everything adds up."
What game do accountants play on the playground when they were kids?
Deduct, deduct, degooset.
I let my family down. They dreamed of me becoming an accountant...
had to explain to them I lost interest and decided to become a principle.
How does an accountant pick up a girl?
He tells her that he excels in sheets
What did the accountant say to the man who was filing for bankruptcy after using a lot of payday loans?
There is a lot of interest in your credit history.
The Hershey Company Accountants
I wonder if they have a report for their separate products, like to show how well their individual items are selling. Maybe like a Heath Ledger
What is the favorite mode of transportation for accountants?
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
He couldn't budget so he had to work it out with a pencil.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant?
They just couldn’t budget
Did you hear about the constipated accountant ...
Why was the accountant constipated?
Because he couldn't budget.
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