What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I need to pay for my horse's accommodation.

It's a stay bill.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard Shakespeare had a play about accommodation

It is called Hotello

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/King_Oedon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
You shouldn't go around saying how everyone should have a job and their own accommodation.

It's hobophobic.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prophylaxitive
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A young man worked at a carpet selling business

A young man worked at a carpet selling business and one day his boss came up to him and said:
"We have been impressed with how you sell the products. We're going to send you to a carpeting convention in Las Vegas so you can learn all the tricks of the trade. We will pay for your flights, accommodation, and all your food!"
The young man was excited and went and got ready for his trip. The day of the trip came and the young man's boss called and asked him if he was excited for his adventure to which the young man replied:
"Yes I am! I'm gonna seize the day because I've got a carpet per diem"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/esjay_
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Two punctuation marks walk into a bar.

One of them was accommodating.

Edit: Thanks to u/hydr0n1um who is more dad than I.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PickleFart69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm having a fling with a certain type of punctuation.

It's accommodating me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
A Dungeons & Dragons Related Dad Joke...

I'm currently running my players through a D&D adventure titled "Curse of Strahd".

Last session, my players found a journal revealing details about the main villain, Count Strahd Von Zarovich. When they acquired it, I passed the adventure book over--opened up to an illustration depicting the journal's pages--and one of the players proceeded to read. After struggling for a bit, he said, "I'm having a tough time reading this cause it's so cursive."

Yes," I responded. "It's the cursive Strahd."

I had that one chambered and ready for weeks, just waiting for the right moment.

What my players don't know is that I'm also going to include a few other bits of flavor for my them to find as they progress through the game:

  • A fancy handbag with the initials "SVZ" hammered into the leather... the "purse of Strahd"
  • A grave in which the Von Zarovich family nanny is buried... the "nurse of Strahd"
  • A carriage very obviously built to accommodate Strahd's coffin... the "hearse of Strahd"
  • A book full of poetry written during Strahd's younger days, before he was consumed by darkness... the "verse of Strahd"
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/transplantasian
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
🚨︎ report
Perks of being a Dog

A dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him.

He can eat whenever he wants, 24/7/365.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

By the way he does not need to pay for medical insurance.

He visits the doctor once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head.......

..

..

..

..

A dog is like a β€œPOLITICIAN”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ammabmma
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke at the airport

We were about to leave for a vacation.

Flight attendant: "Sir, I'm afraid we have to move your seat assignment to accommodate a minor."

Dad: "What minor? I don't see anyone with a pickaxe."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad just got my mom...

My mom is taking one of those online spelling quizzes and her mind just totally went blank with the word accommodate. When she usually asks for spellings she says the spelling she thinks and then says the word, so she says this to my dad and he says

"accommodate? I don't date commas."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SparkyyHD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2015
🚨︎ report
The first of what I'm sure are to be many front-page worthy posts... Such are the jokes of my dad.

Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.

Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.

To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.

*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PantuTheDog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
🚨︎ report
What do you call Mary J Blige’s overly accommodating Irish cousin?

Mary O’Blige

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sekearney95
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.