What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?

A Fermilabrador Retriever.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/notdadbot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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What happens to the car if you press the brake and the accelerator at the same time?

It takes a screenshot

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ihasanali
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rathabro
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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Tried starting my car this morning but it just coughed and spluttered..

I think itโ€™s got car owner virus

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sardonicuis
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01
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he is **accelerating** on the right way
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AliFurkanY
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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What bird accelerates the fastest?

The torquey ๐Ÿ”

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomhplatt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/singh-avi
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 30 2019
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If a priest is travelling at the speed of light...

does he still have mass?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bakedschwarzenbach
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2019
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Did you hear the flat earther joke?

Didn't think so, it isn't really going round.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/itsokaytofeelgood
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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What do you do if your friends are jerks?

You integrate them

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/verygroot1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditor

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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Why was the particle physicist still hungry after the Italian full-course meal?

Instead of antipasto, they served antipasta.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thefizzynator
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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Why did they build the Hadron Collider in Switzerland?

They needed to keep the atoms neutral

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Youngblood519
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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I dad joked my interviewer.

During a phone interview, I was asked to compute some basic physics problems without a calculator. One question involved estimating if a baseball would clear the fence when hit. I told the interviewer that I would approximate gravitational acceleration to 10 m/s^2 to give me "a ballpark answer."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/splorkt
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2015
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I like powerful moments.

They really "accelerate" me.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Genenic
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
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I was driving with my son the other day

He was drinking chocolate milk and apparently was taking as sip as I accelerated. He was mad that I made him spill it on himself and started to cry. As soon as I came to a stop, I looked him straight in the eyes and said "Son, there is no need to cry over spilled milk."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/masterofreason
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
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