What kind of dog lives in a particle accelerator?

A Fermilabrador Retriever.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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What happens to the car if you press the brake and the accelerator at the same time?

It takes a screenshot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tracto

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
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You know you’ve made a terrible joke when you make the math teacher completely lose it.

Teacher: β€œIf acceleration is constant, we get all these really nice formulas. If acceleration is not constant, the math gets messy.”

Me: β€œYou might say that for ruining the math, it’s being a jerk.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobby-Bobson
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
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Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rathabro
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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he is **accelerating** on the right way
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AliFurkanY
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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Tried starting my car this morning but it just coughed and spluttered..

I think it’s got car owner virus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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What bird accelerates the fastest?

The torquey πŸ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomhplatt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh-avi
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
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If a priest is travelling at the speed of light...

does he still have mass?

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πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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Did you hear the flat earther joke?

Didn't think so, it isn't really going round.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsokaytofeelgood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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What do you do if your friends are jerks?

You integrate them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/verygroot1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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The man who saved Reddit

In the not too distant future, web censorship is pervasive; speech and freedom are strangers to one another; while pirates sail the seas with impunity, digital pirates are incarcerated by the busload.

Anyone who speaks out against this ban on open-dialogue or the free-sharing-of-ideas is ground down and hidden away, and the resistance is loosing its will.

A small group of contributors to reddit, huddled together in a bunker beneath barely-waving flags of Snoo, worked tirelessly to repost new ideas from around the internet, to release ideas from their chains, and make speech free ... again!

But it was not to be - a gang of the governments anti-piracy enforcers descended on this, the last bastion of humankind's will to share-freely. Arriving in an armored bus, ten shock-troopers breached the bunker and it looked like the day was lost.

Fortunately for us all, one brave redditor led the collective out a back entrance and they circled to the driveway. This leader told the other redditor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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Why was the particle physicist still hungry after the Italian full-course meal?

Instead of antipasto, they served antipasta.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2018
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Why did they build the Hadron Collider in Switzerland?

They needed to keep the atoms neutral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youngblood519
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
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I dad joked my interviewer.

During a phone interview, I was asked to compute some basic physics problems without a calculator. One question involved estimating if a baseball would clear the fence when hit. I told the interviewer that I would approximate gravitational acceleration to 10 m/s^2 to give me "a ballpark answer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/splorkt
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2015
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I like powerful moments.

They really "accelerate" me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Genenic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2015
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I was driving with my son the other day

He was drinking chocolate milk and apparently was taking as sip as I accelerated. He was mad that I made him spill it on himself and started to cry. As soon as I came to a stop, I looked him straight in the eyes and said "Son, there is no need to cry over spilled milk."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterofreason
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
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