A Vietnamese restaurant just opened near the Large Hadron Collider.

Pho-Ton; they are known for their light broth.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
People who think the Large Hadron Collider will destroy the earth...

...are very con-CERNed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spar_wors
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did they build the Hadron Collider in Switzerland?

They needed to keep the atoms neutral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youngblood519
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is pronounced dead after colliding with a flock of seagulls and a 747 over Madrid.

Eyewitnesses say the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nsh921
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A hockey player collided with another player on the ice and knocked out a few of his teeth.

However it was acci-dental.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When r/Puns and r/WellThatSucks collide.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5_Frog_Margin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What sound do two Mercs make when they collide?

BENZ

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToddaS8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Buddy collided with a delivery truck - he got stabbed with the antenna.. Diagnosis?

A van aerial disease

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: Two minibuses carrying jazz musicians have collided on the country’s busiest road

Police say to expect long jams

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying blue paint.

Both crews ended up marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/washcapsfan37
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: A red ship and a blue ship have collided in the Caribbean...

...apparently, the survivors are marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkay1911
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
🚨︎ report
Accurate.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissiKross
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
🚨︎ report
An old guy and a young guy were pushing their carts at Home Depot when they collided. The old guy says to the young guy, β€œSorry about that. I’m looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.”

The young guy says, β€œThat’s okay. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a bit anxious.”

The old guy says, β€œWell maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, β€œShe is 28 years-old, tall, with brown hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs and she’s wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?”

The old guy says, β€œDoesn't matter, let’s look for yours.”

πŸ‘︎ 117
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Two ships collided in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Two ships collided in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. One was carrying red paint and one was carrying blue paint. The crews of both ships were marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intagvalley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What happened when two tortoises collided?

It was a turtle disaster!

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clickclackkayak
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Earlier today a prison transport collided with a cementtruck

The police is now on the look-out for five hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZombiesAtHome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2018
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: Truck hauling pigment collides with tour bus on bridge and both fall into river

Thankfully no lives lost, but everyone dyed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad's amazing driving advice to my sister: "I can replace any mailbox you hit. If you collide with a cop car, I've got a good attorney. If you run over a nun, God will forgive you. But if you hit my truck, you better leave the f***ing country."
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwillhavethat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A cement mixer collided with a prison bus today

Police have told locals to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals

πŸ‘︎ 187
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J96x_Rob_LFC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
On the turnpike during rush hour, a truck carrying blue paint collided with a truck carrying red paint.

It was terrible! Everybody was marooned!

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluefoot55
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2015
🚨︎ report
When dad's collide

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MepBeEpEQcM

Edit: Just saw the typo in the title, I'm very sorry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tijnmaster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call a tropical cocktail that gets into a car accident?

Pina Collide-a

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lol_camis
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: β€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”

β€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, β€˜No, just leave it in the carton!’”

I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: β€œWow, that’s coincidental.”

I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.

β€œMe: β€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: β€˜Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”

β€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

β€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it

β€œWhat’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: β€œDon’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: β€œNo, it’s a math problem.”

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why all dyslectic gay guys go to Geneva for vacation?

They all wanna see the Large Hadron Collider

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kransen25
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you get is you smash two chili's together

Large PadrΓ³n Collider

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/com160
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when two coconuts get into an accident?

A pina Collide-a

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kolshpa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
At Mad Max last weekend...

The scene where Max is grabbed by the Pole Cat,

http://cdn.collider.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/mad-max-fury-road-image-the-war-rig.jpg

and ends up getting dumped onto the car with the drums and guitar guy

http://i.guim.co.uk/static/w-620/h--/q-95/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2015/3/31/1427821675682/5e25da37-61d7-44fd-a9a3-b2f5b8b5a791-620x372.jpeg

I leaned over to my GF and said "It looks like he's jumped onto... the bandwagon" She totally lost it :)

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/worldspawn00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2015
🚨︎ report
Got my friend pretty good today while chatting on FB

me: I just heard that physicists at CERN have a room where they hold Dick-Fights.

him: Wtf man? Seriously?

me: Yeah, they call it the Large Hardon Collider

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatboy93
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2015
🚨︎ report
I was cutting cabbage real thin when I cut myself...

...It was Murphy’s Law and coleslaw colliding.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2017
🚨︎ report
A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collided.

The sailors were marooned

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Midget-boi2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.

Apparently the survivors are marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trinzia
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided?

All of the sailors were marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puggoamber
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint colliding?

All the sailors were marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phredex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two ships that collided the other day? One was carrying blue paint and one was carrying red paint

All the survivors were marooned...

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yabyum
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the red cruise ship and blue cruise ship that collided in the Caribbean?

The survivors were marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kailebeverettart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Cake day.... Got to post something.

Did you hear about the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint that collided.

Both crews are believed to be marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 602
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbiiggdd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying brown paint

It is believed both crews are marooned

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoshabooboo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
🚨︎ report

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