How do you reprimand someone who won't stop making wordplay jokes?
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︎ May 27 2020
Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What do you call a paper airplane that can't fly?
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I came home really drunk last night and my wife wasnβt happy at all. βHow much have you had to drink?β she asked sternly, staring at me. βNothingβ I slurred. βLook at me!β she shouted. βItβs either me or the pub, which one is it?β
I paused for a second while I thought and mumbled, βItβs you. I can tell by the voice.β
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︎ Dec 27 2020
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
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︎ Jan 07 2021
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 04 2020
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".
" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.
π︎ 9k
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︎ Dec 08 2020
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
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︎ Dec 05 2020
What do you call a typo on a headstone?
π︎ 15k
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︎ Dec 05 2020
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 07 2020
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
π︎ 12k
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︎ Dec 01 2020
You do realise that Vampires aren't real...
Unless you Count Dracula.
π︎ 11k
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I see what you did there ( Ν‘β ΝΚ Ν‘β)
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
Iβll see myself out...
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︎ Dec 01 2020
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
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︎ Jan 03 2021
This is how you make neon geen.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Do you know what the opposite of ladyfingers is?
π︎ 16k
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︎ Nov 16 2020
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts?
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︎ Nov 24 2020
My wife said, βYou really have no sense of direction, do you?β
I said, βWhere did that come from?β
Edit: Thanks for the love. Iβm right speechless.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastππ»β€οΈ
Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!π
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︎ Oct 27 2020
There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
π︎ 16k
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What are you in for?
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︎ Dec 31 2020
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Today I learned that if a canoe turns upside down in the water, you can safely wear it on your head.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Nov 01 2020
You need two i's
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︎ Dec 02 2020
You're damn right it will
π︎ 5k
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︎ Nov 11 2020
Did you know the film βSpeedβ had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called βVelocityβ.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
What do you call a wreath made of $100 bills?
π︎ 600
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︎ Dec 29 2020
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
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︎ Dec 17 2020
Did you hear about the blind carpenter?
He picked up the hammer and saw.
(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Please donβt resort to violins and anger if you donβt notice.
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︎ Dec 06 2020
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely
π︎ 9k
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︎ Nov 09 2020
Dad to his son; βDo you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?β
Son; βGo on, then.β
Dad growls; βNOOOOO, NOT THE KRYPTONITE!β
Son; βThatβs Superman.β
Dad; βThanks, Iβve been practicing a lot.β
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Coming soon to a theater near you
π︎ 8k
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︎ Oct 26 2020
How many swords do you have?
π︎ 100
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︎ Jan 06 2021
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef.
(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Did you hear about the fight between 2019 and 2020?
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︎ Jan 01 2021
What should you use with Batman shampoo?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
You heard!!
π︎ 6k
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︎ Nov 03 2020
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN
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︎ Oct 23 2020
Have you heard, the sequel to 2020 has has been postponed?
2022 wonβt be arriving for at least a year.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
Theyβre all girls, otherwise theyβd be uncles!
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︎ Dec 29 2020
How do you win the heart of a female Farmer?
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︎ Jan 03 2021
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
π︎ 13k
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Wishing all of you a
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
I told him, βI donβt think they have what youβre looking for, sir.β
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︎ Dec 17 2020
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Did you know that two times ten and two times eleven are actually the same?
two times ten is twenty and two times eleven is twenty too
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︎ Dec 30 2020
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