You know what the zombie said about the witch doctor?

Nothing, his lips were sealed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StormFenics
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Why do witch doctors never get fat?

Because they’re always exorcising.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheglet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
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How did the witch-doctor label his voodoo dolls?

With a Black-Magic marker.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stuewe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2016
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Knock knock, Who's there?, Witch doctor, Witch doctor who?

Tom Baker.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2017
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I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today." Concerned, she asked, "Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind!" I laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2021
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which doctor? πŸ€”
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/el0ise-
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Two witches are talking.

Witch 1: "What's wrong"

Witch 2: "The doctor says I can't have kids"

Witch 1: "Now, now, food allergies aren't the end of the world"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2021
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Which Witch is a Sandwich
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingernuts13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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Some punny jobs

WORKING ON A JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTMOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
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I've been wanting to communicate with my grandfather died a few years ago

And I want my wife to come along. So I've been looking for one of those psychics to help us out. But my wife hates them – she says they're all to dark and spooky.

I came across a guy who does seances, but he's not your typical creepy witch doctor type. His place is bright and cheery, and he himself is a very friendly and likeable guy.

I think we finally found a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoureAMuenster
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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So after seeing the doctor ...

I go to the check-out counter. The lady asks, "which doctor did you see?"

I said, "oh no, I didn't see a witch doctor, I saw Dr. Smith."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slofty_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.”
  • β€œHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.”

...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
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Dad : β€œI need to call the doctor today.” Mom : β€œWhich doctor?”

Dad : β€œNo, the regular kind.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?" she asked.

"No, the regular kind."

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Dad:"I need to call the doctor today." Mom:" Which doctor?"

Dad: "No the regular kind."

πŸ‘︎ 293
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?" she replied.

"No, the regular kind."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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My 12-year-old son said, β€œWhen I was in Africa, I didn’t cut my food well enough. I got a frog in my throat.”

I added, β€œ...So you went to a witch doctor and ever since you’ve been a little horse.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freshstart321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
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Doctor's office

So I go into the dr. office, tell the receptionist my name and say "I have an appointment with the doctor."

She says "Which doctor?"

I say "No, just a regular one..."

Get it? Witch Doctor...

πŸ‘︎ 267
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skinner70
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
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