so im talking to this guy and his name is wisdom. Im horrible at coming up with puns/pick up lines and Im trying to think of a funny one but I cant. help.
Never take quartz for granite.
To be honest this is pretty demolarizing
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"If they haven't yet, its probably because Amazon shipping has been delayed." I said.
As she was laughing, I shrugged. "I thought that was a good one. I just came to me," I paused, "Probably because I have Prime."
The Colonel of Truth
Doesn't sound very wise to me.
You could say he was the centaur for disease control
Intelligence is knowing tomatoes are fruits but wisdom is not putting them in a fruit salad
Because I'm full of holes and everything hurts.
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βCause itβs killing me!β
Love him.
I told him "That's why they are called 'wisdom' teeth:because they smart!"
...it'll always be stationery.
If you get in a kickboxing match with a lawnmower, you will be defeeted.
Dad: We have to go pick up your sister's medication on the way too.
Me: Medication? What happened to her?
Dad: She got her 2 bottom wisdom teeth removed yesterday.
Me: Ohhh alright.. Wait. Why only 2?
Dad: They didn't want to make her too stupid! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: ....
"Hey son, do you miss your wisdom teeth?"
"No, why would I?"
"I don't know, you just seemed pretty attached to them."
"Break an egg"
Felt like a dad when she asked for a milkshake and I walked in with a gallon of milk and said "how shaken do you want it?"
Me: "Do we have any apple sauce?"
Dad: "Yeah."
Me: "Sweet."
Dad: "No, it's the unsweetened kind."
A few months ago we took a road trip to the more northern part of Washington, Friday Harbor. On our way, my father decided he needed to the bathroom. To which he said to momentarily our silent car. " I have to take a shit, can we hit the next rest stop?" (Everyone agrees as normal. Then about 45 seconds, to a minute later dad says this) "I don't get it, why is it called taking a shit? I'm leaving one!)
"A know it all patient is trying to tell the surgeon how to do everything. The surgeon throws up his hands and says 'Suture yourself!'"
(Suit yourself)
Cue eye rolling from me and my mom...
I have a good punch line but haven't been able to design a satisfying lead in for it:
Do you know why the string family decided to break up?
...
Apparently not (A parent-ly knot)
Got my top two wisdom teeth taken out. I came home and my dad asked me when I was getting the bottom two taken out. I told him I didn't have to because I don't have my bottom two. He just goes "Well that's strange, I guess you are not really that smart."
Thanks Dad.
Him: "Have you ever seen those birds that fly in a V shape?"
Us: "Yeah."
Him: "Have you ever noticed that one side is usually longer than the other?"
Us: "Yeah."
Him: "Do you know why that is?"
Us: "Why?"
Him: "There's more birds on that side..."
collective facepalm
