The poor willow in my backyard just broke one of its main limbs off.

Now it's an amputree!

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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Willow Smith to her friends: "Sorry girls, I can't get jiggy with y'all tonight. My dad said,

'Na na na na nana na'".

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/arc88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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There’s a willow by our pond that’s always surrounded by fog.

I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree to me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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So I my son started to bark at me

Kept on insisting that I had promised to build him a treehouse but I don't remember evergreening this elm of a contract. Though he kept inisisting I had birch the agreement due to the long delay but my attempt to confern the fertility of the spruce was in roots. Now I have to oak up and face the spruce. My weekend has been soiled and I now have to maple my son's treehouse whilst I willow my day away. Although... Now that I twig about it, having a treehouse in my yard sounds like a pine idea.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/WisdomThingy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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My wife and I went to the Museum of Medicine and we were browsing the exhibits...

Wife: "Look, they used to treat pain with willow bark".

Me: "I'll give that one 3 stars".

Wife: "This one is about the invention of antibiotics".

Me: "I'll give it 8 out of 10".

Wife: "Apparently, they used give people cowpox to protect them from smallpox".

Me: "Definitely 2 thumbs up".

Wife: "Why do you keep doing that?".

Me: "I'm the curator of this museum"!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Pun intended
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yakdehi
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
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Not many people liked the new tree I planted.

It wasn’t very poplar.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ‘€︎ u/JonSolo1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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Not a dad, but got my classmates and teacher with a good dad joke

So, before i get to the joke, you should all know that everyone in my class knows me for my shitty dad jokes and they hate me for it and today was probably the proudest moment of my life. So here's what happened.

Ecology teacher: does anyone know how to pronounce the name of this bird?

Me: willow ptarmigan (pronounced willow tarmigan. you see where this is going)

15 seconds later

Me: did you know that you can't hear willow ptarmigans go to the bathroom.

Confused classroom: what? Why?

Me: because the P is silent...

I hear the class slowly fill with groans and "oh my god"s followed by some guilty chuckles. And then, my teacher, who is about as strict and as hard to make laugh as they get, slowly sinks into her table and covers her face. And then she giggles. Just a little. This goes right up there for proudest moment of my life, next to saving a child from a burning building. Except I've never saved a child from a burning building...

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ‘€︎ u/miqdadmatethatsme
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
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Oh! So you like metal? Then name 3 blacksmiths.

Meirl: Will, Jaden and willow

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/AviAdlakha
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
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What kind of tree protects the Native American Hogwarts?

A wampum Willow.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/goat_chortle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2017
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Hit my family while watching jack the giant slayer...

While watching said movie; one of the little people actors popped up on screen spurring a mid movie discussion.

Mom : wasn't he from willow?

Dad: nawh I think he died a few years ago.

Mom: he died young I guess. He was what, 18 in willow?

Me: yeah it's scientifically proven that they live shorter lives.

Then my dad let out the proudest smile I ever saw

Clarification: they're all fine. Warwick davis is alive and well. He is now 44 years old. And I'm 24

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/ohcrayyy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
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Dad's Food Jokes

To Son: never let your meatloaf.
To Daughter: and never let your pussy willow.

And the other: remember you can mash potatoes but you can't pea soup

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/teeshart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2013
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